AIBU to just sit here and cry

[Pityparty4one]

As my username suggest I am having a pity party.

I will try and make this as short as possible.
I have 4 DC eldest is DS17. He has major behavioural issues poor mental health and puts a huge strain on the family. He has been with camhs since he was 11.

I have 50 50 with ex and we co parent well.

Yesterday I had the paramedics out as I suffer with asthma and due to a cold my inhaler just was not working. They came treatment given all good. Had ooh gp booked today for script for new inhaler steroids and a spacer.
DC were back with dad today he collected them at 12.

I went to gp got home and was in the process of packing as spending weekend with bf and was meeting him and his mum for lunch.
Just before I left dtwins 13 turned up soaking wet and upset. DS17 had come home to dads and kicked off.
I called ex but phone switched off.
I drove to the house DS17 was there but no sign of ex. He was his usual abusive self towards me.
Anyway eventually found ex who was driving streets looking for dtwins with a flat phone.

I had called bf and said to just order lunch as it had all kicked off and I was running late.
He said "great thanks for messing mum about"
I apologised said there was nothing I could do and still needed to collect my meds.

Went to chemist feeling totally shit as everything was now messed up.
Waited 20 minutes to get served and was told £27 please.
I burst in to tears.
I do not get prescriptions often I mean like a year ago and then its 1 item my inhaler.
This was 3 items.
That £27 was all I had till Tuesday (recently changed jobs so struggling this month)

So I paid now have come home unpacked and I have no milk or bread and no money left to buy any. Plenty of food in so wont starve and dc with dad until Tuesday afternoon but I just feel so sorry for myself.

DS's behaviour ended my marriage and has probably ended my relationship.
He has ruined his siblings childhood as our whole lives have to revolve around him.

I just want to sit here and cry while whining how shit my life is and there is nothing I can do about it.
AIBU...I probably am but will whine anyway

Also sorry it was so long.

Oh bugger.

What a time of it lass.

I've no wise words. Can only offer a shoulder and a handhold.

Text my bf to say sorry again for ruining the day. No reply.

You didn't ruin it and a decent man would have been round to collect you once the drama was sorted.

How lovely bee but no I don't need anything.
I gave plenty of food and can buy milk now so all good.
Probably need a hug and a kick up the arse though if you can help

Ex would give me money no problems but I just feel so shit I am punishing myself by not asking I think. Plus like I said i have food and can buy milk.

With regards to your son my family member is the exact same! Destroys the home, punches holes in walls, the lot. Usually to borrow money for weed. He threatens suicide and self harms also. Horrible situation to live in. You aren't alone x

OP sounds like your bf is adding to the stress. Don't apologise for being a mum and putting your children first! I know you feel like you need to out of politeness, but definitely don't do it twice!

I have two under 8, eldest with cahms for extreme anxiety and panic attacks and paediatric care for migraines, black outs and vomiting (he's off school a lot) and youngest has had surgery and needs more next year. Huge recovery, at home for 6 weeks, this is why I can't work. Ex won't book the time off. He doesn't want to know. I am desperate to get back to work but obviously the children come first even if it means benefits are helping me provide for them because their father won't.

I can't even think about introducing someone else into the mix (partner) it's just too hectic as it is, and this person would have to be extremely patient and understanding that 99% of my time is taken up by my childrens needs, the rest of the time is flipping housework and worrying about where the next meal is coming from! I have plenty of mini breakdowns. I've cried gallons over the last year.

hugs you're doing great. You're there for your children and although they don't show it they will be benefiting massively from it.

Sounds like you are having a real shit time OP hang in there I sincerely hope that things get better for you 💐

I just feel so shit I am punishing myself by not asking I think.

It sounds like you have done well to maintain a reasonable relationship with him then - that is good, and co-parenting well. That is something to be proud of tbh.

Borrow £50 and don't struggle!

Seen your update you have found some change. That's good.

It sounds terrible that SS won't support with your eldest but say they would have others. Just dreadful. I'm so sorry. As he is 17 now I think you said if he kicks off/is violent could you refuse to have him back (I know that is absolutely heartbreaking). If you won't have him I think they would have to place him? And then when he is 18 he should get support as a young person leaving Care? It's terrible that it has to come to that to get support.

Snap, Boots - it's frightening and like living life on tenterhooks.

Put some milk in an ice cube tray and freeze next time you have a bit spare.

Freaking genius!!!!

I freeze gravy why did I think never to freeze milk.
I am stealing this thank you.

Boots DS is driven by money. All of his behaviours are around money.
It's never ending.
I spent 9 hours in a and e last month as he had taken an overdose.
Turns out it was 5 paracetamol and 6 of his fluoxetine. Nowhere near enough to cause damage. The drs did nothing but monitor him.
I was beside myself.
After 4 hours of waiting he was moaning he was hungry and bored and wanted to go home. He walked out at 9pm in the end.

^^ sorry by children I meant your DS17.

Oh OP I just wanted to message to say how utterly shitty your day sounds you poor thing! And to top it all off your boyfriend is being knobby. Boo! Hope you're feeling a little better now you're home and can snuggle up.

DS's behaviour ended my marriage and has probably ended my relationship

No, your boyfriend is a narcissistic arse who clearly doesn't have sufficient empathy to be able to fit into your complicated and stressful life.

Sorry you're going through all this, OP - I know what it's like asking for help with the violence just for agencies to skirt over that and only help with the 'easier' aspects of challenging behaviour. It's utter shit and trying to keep a family together under those circumstances is incredibly stressful.

I have no answers, except don't grovel to the BF - he clearly doesn't understand your life and doesn't deserve you.

No useful advice but much sympathy.

I'm so sorry you're having a shit day, OP, but great that you are now warm on the sofa.
I also have asthma and suffered terribly when I had a cold. Two years ago the Boots pharmacist advised me to have 3 puffs morning and night of my regular inhaler, instead of 2 as normal. I just do this for the 2/3 days when my cold is starting up and bad. This small thing has had a huge positive effect on my breathing when I have a cold and I also recover much more quickly. It might be worth asking a pharmacist/GP/asthma nurse whether this would be suitable for you. You might already know this but I mention it because I had seen many GPs and practice nurses without this being suggested.
Sending a virtual hug and deep breaths.

I don't have any advice to give, just wanted to send you a hand hold and tell you that you sound like an amazing person who is doing their best in extremely difficult circumstances. Its ok to feel a bit sorry for yourself now and again. Xx

Long you are probably right about the bf.
He was just my escape away from DS so I don't want to lose it. I only see him on the days when I am child free as DS is so demanding and destructive.

Sadly DS's behaviour did end my marriage although he does not know this.

What a pile of crap you poor thing. Cry your eyes out. You'll feel better for it

Sorry OP this does all sound shitty
Does he have a specific diagnosis?

Also ice cube milk person that is genius!

I'm frowning about the way your bf is responding to you; this doesn't sound right at all. I hope his next contact is him saying 'I'm so sorry about earlier. What can I do to support you now?' If not, you give him poke in the eye frown yourself

You've got tons of support here on MN though. Here, have some more

You shouldn’t have to say sorry for ruining your bf’s day. You did what you had to do, what other choices did you actually have? It’s not like you wouldn’t have chosen differently if you could, but unfortunately you didn’t have that luxury. Your bf should understand that.

I know this sounds so harsh, your ds has issues and needs love, but when he's 18 you could make him move out. protect your other children and yourself. why should you all suffer.

I’d cry too that’s unbelievably shit.

Your boyfriend sounds pretty shit too.

On a separate note, I really recommend revlar inhaler. It’s changed my life. And pay monthly for prescriptions if you need any again x

Purple after 6 years they say anxiety and depression.
We have disagreed countless times as he has the emotional maturity of a toddler. He literally tantrums and cries when he does not get his way.
He takes zero responsibility for his actions and blames everyone else.
He is verbally abusive.
Yet they still say anxiety and depression.

I am at my end.
Right now and I hate saying this but if I had an asthma attack I feel like I would do nothing to stop it.
Please don't misunderstand I have 3 other dc who need me and I would never harm myself but today I have just had enough.

Thank you for the inhaler tips. My gp is crap and the paramedics recommended a spacer which I now have and it's worked wonders.

So sorry you're going through this.

I'm asthmatic too and feel so angry when I buy my prescriptions. It's so expensive when you're poorly. I've recently found out you can ask your gp to give you three inhalers on one prescription and only pay £9. So you can get 3xventalin for £9 so you can stock up. Doesn't help now but might in the future x