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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to just sit here and cry

340 replies

Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 15:02

As my username suggest I am having a pity party.

I will try and make this as short as possible.
I have 4 DC eldest is DS17. He has major behavioural issues poor mental health and puts a huge strain on the family. He has been with camhs since he was 11.

I have 50 50 with ex and we co parent well.

Yesterday I had the paramedics out as I suffer with asthma and due to a cold my inhaler just was not working. They came treatment given all good. Had ooh gp booked today for script for new inhaler steroids and a spacer.
DC were back with dad today he collected them at 12.

I went to gp got home and was in the process of packing as spending weekend with bf and was meeting him and his mum for lunch.
Just before I left dtwins 13 turned up soaking wet and upset. DS17 had come home to dads and kicked off.
I called ex but phone switched off.
I drove to the house DS17 was there but no sign of ex. He was his usual abusive self towards me.
Anyway eventually found ex who was driving streets looking for dtwins with a flat phone.

I had called bf and said to just order lunch as it had all kicked off and I was running late.
He said "great thanks for messing mum about"
I apologised said there was nothing I could do and still needed to collect my meds.

Went to chemist feeling totally shit as everything was now messed up.
Waited 20 minutes to get served and was told £27 please.
I burst in to tears.
I do not get prescriptions often I mean like a year ago and then its 1 item my inhaler.
This was 3 items.
That £27 was all I had till Tuesday (recently changed jobs so struggling this month)

So I paid now have come home unpacked and I have no milk or bread and no money left to buy any. Plenty of food in so wont starve and dc with dad until Tuesday afternoon but I just feel so sorry for myself.

DS's behaviour ended my marriage and has probably ended my relationship.
He has ruined his siblings childhood as our whole lives have to revolve around him.

I just want to sit here and cry while whining how shit my life is and there is nothing I can do about it.
AIBU...I probably am but will whine anyway Smile

Also sorry it was so long.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 17:22

I've recently found out you can ask your gp to give you three inhalers on one prescription and only pay £9

I thought this.
All three of my items were on 1 prescription but the boots lady said 3 items £9 each £27.

OP posts:
Baxdream · 23/11/2019 17:25

It's only for the same item. If it's different items you have to pay £9 each. It's so frustrating

1Morewineplease · 23/11/2019 17:26

Oh OP... that’s all so shitty.
Your BF needs a kick up the backside but it’s probably best to leave him be for now.
I don’t have any other advice for you as PPs have pretty much covered it.
I am just so sorry for your situation. 💐

1Morewineplease · 23/11/2019 17:30

Just want to add that your plight highlights how the mental health/social care system is utterly broken now.

Onescaredmuma · 23/11/2019 17:31

OP it sounds like you've had such a crap day. I really hope it turns around for you this evening I hope your BF manages to pull his head out of his arse and realises you need some support right now and shoes up with chocolate and gin. At least you have plenty of support on here if you need to vent. Flowers

Mammatino · 23/11/2019 17:33

I hope you feel better soon, how absolutely shite. Maybe next week you could contact your gp and see about a councilling session to help you cope. Take care of yourself.

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 17:33

It's only for the same item. If it's different items you have to pay £9 each. It's so frustrating

Ahhh ok. Oh well it's done now. The stuffs worked I can breath...see positive stuff Smile

OP posts:
LonginesPrime · 23/11/2019 17:34

after 6 years they say anxiety and depression

Has he been assessed for ASD, LD etc?

My DD is 18 and CAMHS always skirted over whether she has LD (I'm sure she does, in addition to her ASD) and medicated her for anxiety - it was only once she got discharged from them at 18 that adult social services agreed to assess her for LD so she's going through that at the moment.

Fleetheart · 23/11/2019 17:37

Sorry you’re having a hard time. I have similar with my DS (although not as bad), so I have some idea of where you are coming from. It’s the cumulative effect which is tiring. BF should support you not blame you; he doesn’t sound like he’s being much help. Hope things improve Wine

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 17:40

Has he been assessed for ASD, LD etc?

We begged for this. We detailed every behaviour, attended monthly meetings with 8 various professionals for 4 years.
My ex and I even did a 6 week parenting course together as they told us to do. End result the woman doing the course said there is nothing wrong with our parenting the course proved that plus other 3 dc are surprisingly ok!

OP posts:
diddl · 23/11/2019 17:41

Well your son to an extent cannot help his behaviour.

Your boyfriend however...

If this relationship doesn't last though, it won't be your son's fault.

I should hope that his mum would be thoroughly ashamed of what he said.

The prescription sounds shit, especially if it could have all been done on one.

If I paid full price for my inhalers it would be about €105 every three months instead of €10 so I guess that's something!

WoollyMollyMonkey · 23/11/2019 17:41

If you have two or more items on prescription per month, then it’s worth looking at the prepayment options - you can pay monthly for the annual one. It does save money.

CeridwenTheWitch · 23/11/2019 17:46

This sounds really tough OP, I'm not surprised you're feeling sad. I would be too. And it is little things like running out of milk that often trigger that 'my life is terrible' kind of feeling after you've dealt with all sorts of big life challenges.

It's good to know you have a bit of money for milk to make yourself some nice cups of tea to get through these tough days.

Also, definitely check out if you can get any help for prescriptions as that's a lot of money for something that your life depends on.

Good luck OP and keep posting.

ImGoingToBangYourHeadsTogether · 23/11/2019 17:47

Just want to add that your plight highlights how the mental health/social care system is utterly broken now. And the NHS. £27 for a simple prescription.

I am so sorry op, what a shit time you're having. Flowers Only suggestion I can think of, probably impractical, is separate the youngest 3 and eldest at weekends, alternate each weekend with ex. I don't know if that's practical, and you'd be on your own with someone violent. Neither of you would get time separate from kids, but it might reduce the worry for the younger kids. I am so sorry Flowers it should be better than this.

cakeandchampagne · 23/11/2019 17:50

A good bf would have asked what they could to do help you.

I’m sorry about your son. Flowers

friedbeansandcheese · 23/11/2019 17:57

Your ds sounds very difficult. He will be an adult soon - what will happen then?

Doesn’t sounds like anxiety and depression - at least, he may suffer from them but they won’t cause his behaviour. Has he been assessed for LDs or SEN? I guess he must have if he’s been in special schools.

Big hugs and Flowers

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 17:58

Imgoing
3 DC have 4 days with me 2 of which are without DS.
Ex has DS 6 days out of 8 compared to my 2 as he doesn't want ds alone with me.
However he needs a break too so he gets 2 child free days.
He works hard long shifts and I have always worried without at least a 2 day break he will crumble.

A good bf would have asked what they could to do help you.

I know but at the same time DSs behaviour has impacted more than once and I think he is fed up. Especially as today with his mum being involved in the arrangement.

That said he has not bothered to get in touch to see if I am ok Sad

OP posts:
DeaflySilence · 23/11/2019 18:05

Sorry to hear you are having a horrible time, @Pityparty4one. Have messaged you.

LonginesPrime · 23/11/2019 18:09

I hear you, OP - when my DD was diagnosed with ASD (as a teen) I said 'great, now can you please help me with the violence?' And they said, 'um, come to our parenting group', which ended up being mainly about how to deal with school, getting ready, etc for little kids. Hmm

I would start looking into what adult services are available in your area and I would get all the referral forms ready so you can send them as soon as he turns 18. Hopefully they will be more helpful than CAMHS.

Howgreenwasmyvalley · 23/11/2019 18:20

Asthma is a life threatening illness, why should we have to pay for our prescriptions. People with Diabetes don't have to as far as I know. Both can kill.

Original poster
Pityparty4one · 23/11/2019 18:24

Ok back with milk.
Got 1pt so bought cheap chocolate bar too Grin

You have all been brilliant thank you so much.
Still feel crap but less so.
Thank you for all the advice too on DS and prescriptions but got a say the best is freezing milk in ice cube trays Grin

OP posts:
Groovinpeanut · 23/11/2019 18:28

Blimey OP you've had a rotten day. Big hugs and Flowers for you.
I think you've been let down badly with regards to your eldest DS. It seems you're only receiving cherry picked pieces of help and input. Not receiving respite is shocking for a start.
I don't blame you having a good old sob.
I'm glad you found some change in your pocket for milk, at least knowing you can have a cuppa makes things better. You being able to breathe better will make you feel better too.
The bf... Hmmm when it comes to respite away from your Son, I think you can do better than the sarky comments and sulks from a grown man who is more concerned with his Mum and dinner.
I hope you have a lovely, restful evening snuggled up. Be good to you... You deserve it x

CottonSock · 23/11/2019 18:32

I cried today as I have bad cold and got a parking ticket. Your day sounds shit.

I keep a uht milk in cupboard for emergency. Whole milk tastes better than others.

CrotchetyQuaver · 23/11/2019 18:32

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit more positive now. Shame about the boyfriend.

If the chemist have charged you 3 x £9 for 3 items all exactly the same, (e.g. 3 blue inhalers) then please go back and complain and get some of your money back. If it's 3 completely different items then you're stuck with the charge. You can double check the facts if you google it I'm sure.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/11/2019 18:33

I'm sorry you're having a shitty day, OP. I really don't agree that your son broke up your marriage. He's your son, yours and your ex-husband's and he's jointly your responsibility for all that he is. You're taking responsibility, what is your ex doing exactly? He's your boy and your place is by his side as is your ex's.

As far as your boyfriend goes, he's not bringing anything to the party and it goes to show how low you're feeling that you're accepting his shitty dismissal of you instead of him asking how you are and what can he do? That's what somebody who cares for you would do.

I'm sad to think of your children having a feckless dad and then this 'boyfriend' inserted into their lives too.

Most of all, I'm sad that your 'boyfriend' acts as a barometer for your moods. You deserve much better than him and better nobody than him. Your children don't deserve him and neither do you - there's better out there for you and prostrating yourself in sorrow when there was nothing else you could have done, just shows how little value you place on yourself.

You're awesome and you're strong. Ignore the fakery from your boyfriend because deep down, you know it's not real and, if (when) the relationship fails it won't be because your son has caused it - but because your boyfriend didn't care enough for you to be a shoulder for you.

Take the advice of PP upthread and look for support from adult services and CAMHs to get you through.