AIBU to just sit here and cry

[Pityparty4one]

As my username suggest I am having a pity party.

I will try and make this as short as possible.
I have 4 DC eldest is DS17. He has major behavioural issues poor mental health and puts a huge strain on the family. He has been with camhs since he was 11.

I have 50 50 with ex and we co parent well.

Yesterday I had the paramedics out as I suffer with asthma and due to a cold my inhaler just was not working. They came treatment given all good. Had ooh gp booked today for script for new inhaler steroids and a spacer.
DC were back with dad today he collected them at 12.

I went to gp got home and was in the process of packing as spending weekend with bf and was meeting him and his mum for lunch.
Just before I left dtwins 13 turned up soaking wet and upset. DS17 had come home to dads and kicked off.
I called ex but phone switched off.
I drove to the house DS17 was there but no sign of ex. He was his usual abusive self towards me.
Anyway eventually found ex who was driving streets looking for dtwins with a flat phone.

I had called bf and said to just order lunch as it had all kicked off and I was running late.
He said "great thanks for messing mum about"
I apologised said there was nothing I could do and still needed to collect my meds.

Went to chemist feeling totally shit as everything was now messed up.
Waited 20 minutes to get served and was told £27 please.
I burst in to tears.
I do not get prescriptions often I mean like a year ago and then its 1 item my inhaler.
This was 3 items.
That £27 was all I had till Tuesday (recently changed jobs so struggling this month)

So I paid now have come home unpacked and I have no milk or bread and no money left to buy any. Plenty of food in so wont starve and dc with dad until Tuesday afternoon but I just feel so sorry for myself.

DS's behaviour ended my marriage and has probably ended my relationship.
He has ruined his siblings childhood as our whole lives have to revolve around him.

I just want to sit here and cry while whining how shit my life is and there is nothing I can do about it.
AIBU...I probably am but will whine anyway

Also sorry it was so long.

You absolutely are NOT a shit mum, never think it.
You have done your best, you have stuck by him, you have tried everything you could - and it didn't work, but that's because of his problems, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

This could be the best solution for all of you at this time. And hopefully he will turn his life around and in time he'll be able to rejoin your family properly.

You are a FAB mum! You have done something for the benefit of your child, even though that thing was majorly difficult and upsetting for you - that is the epitome of GOOD parenting!!

You shouldn't feel guilty.

Just read through the post.
I really admire you, you have done the right thing for your family and your ds. I really wish you happiness

I was at boarding school( I know it’s not the same but bear with me!) Getting letters was such a treat and I still prefer them to emails. I’m sure he will appreciate it.

So glad to see that things are progressing, OP. Admire you very much for being so strong. Your whole family are very lucky to have someone like you

Another one here who has read the whole thread and wants to say how incredibly amazing you and your ex are. (And the BF is stepping up his game too!).
My husband works with young people in care and your son will be treated well and kindly, but boundaries will be imposed and sanctions will apply.
My brother is an alcoholic who ended up in care with the Salvation Army, because the family just couldn’t cope any more. We still loved him, but his behaviour was out of control and affecting everyone.
He moved from full care, to supported accommodation, to his own flat.

he now lives and works in China! Happy, healthy and clean.

Sending love to you and your family. You dcs have a pair of parents in a million

You hadn't really needed that bfs support before. The one time you actually needed him, he gave you a good telling off.

Your ex sent you pizza to ensure you are. The difference - particularly given who is you current relationship of 4 YEARS - is stark.

He's not nice, or sorry. The tough bit's over and he's reeling you back. I'd dump. Sorry.

The guilt is a normal emotion for you, as a loving mom. Try to focus on all the positives that are coming from the hideous situation you were in. You are truly an inspiration and what an amazing role model for your kids (when they’re older & understand life a bit more)

Hello you lovely lot.

Sorry for the silence but life has been busy what with the new job and extra support needed for the other DC.
It's been a hard few weeks but I have looked back on this thread and each post has given me the confirmation, confidence and support I needed to keep going.

DC have struggled at school for the first week. It was a huge traumatic change and they felt it. However the school have been brilliant and very supportive so we have, I hope come out the other side.

I saw DS today. He got my letter said it was "harsh". I was confused as in the letter I put how much we love him and he was still part of the family despite him living away.
He explained it was harsh as it made him sad because he caused this.
That was a good step!!
DS has NEVER admitted fault or responsibility for his actions before.

He has started kickboxing to work on his anger and learn dicipline. He enjoyed it.
He met with MIND and has an appointment with the GP to discuss medication.

He likes his key worker and seems overall more positive.
He has split with the gf ( I am pleased as they were toxic together) and does not seem suicidal as he has in the past when they split. He was very relient on her emotionally and she new it.

I sorted him a small food parcel we hugged said I love you then he went for his bus.

I miss him so much and think about him at least 20 tines a day. I know this is all positive but my heart still aches.

Thank you all for the support. I don't think you truly know how much this thread has helped me and my family xx

Lovely update OP! So pleased things are slowly improving for you and all your DC

Lovely update 💐

That’s a really lovely update @Pityparty4one hopefully the new year will bring plenty of positives for you.

Hi @Pityparty4one, how are you all getting on, 5 months down the line. I hope things continued to improve.