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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think mistress shouldn't be in house when husband not there?

235 replies

Boozysuzy84 · 22/11/2019 20:56

Recently separated after 17 years due to cheating spouse. Moved into rented accommodation last sat and mistress had moved into marital mortgaged home by wednesday. No settlement has been agreed we are discussing him buying me out.

Husband is going away for business for a week starting sunday. Can I refuse her access to my home? I have a way of securing it without changing locks. Repeatedly told husband I will not allow any third party to reside in the property while neither of us is there.

OP posts:
Barbie222 · 22/11/2019 21:01

I am not sure. He is jointly on mortgage and deeds, I guess? I understand this is a painful time, but if it is just you and him with no children in house I think you might get more out of rising above this, sorry.

coconutpie · 22/11/2019 21:02

Why did you move out? Why couldn't he? Do you have DC?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/11/2019 21:03

You need to speak to a solicitor immediately. You could also move back to your home while your husband is gone.

GrumpyHoonMain · 22/11/2019 21:03

Yes you can throw her out as the house is legally in your name too. But is it worth it?

Original poster
Boozysuzy84 · 22/11/2019 21:04

I would love to rise above but the way things have been handled by him have been awful. He denied and denied he was still seeing her and when my son went for his first sleepover there he came back here and told me there was a girl in daddy's bed. That was the first I knew it wasn't a thing that happened a few times. I found out from my 3 year old son.

OP posts:
Mammylamb · 22/11/2019 21:05

I’d move my arse back into the home while he is away. And don’t leave til you have your share of the house

Original poster
Boozysuzy84 · 22/11/2019 21:05

My name is not on the mortgage but we are married. I got offered a council house in a neighbouring village which was such a rare opportunity I couldn't turn it down.

OP posts:
Barbie222 · 22/11/2019 21:06

Does your son still live there? Would you not rather he moved out so that you can stay with your son in the home he knows?

neverornow · 22/11/2019 21:06

Go stay there yourself while he's away. You're more than entitled to, still your house until all is done and dusted.....

theEnglishInPatient · 22/11/2019 21:06

I agree, speak with solicitor and get real advice.

Borderterrierpuppy · 22/11/2019 21:06

Why did you move out?
I would move back in immediately unless you are absolutely loaded and can afford a similar property on your own.
Have you spoken to a lawyer.

Longfacenow · 22/11/2019 21:06

I'd move back in as long as it is safe and won't make things worse for you emotionally too. I have been there. It is awful. Sorry op.

Barbie222 · 22/11/2019 21:07

Yes I would go back in with your son. Then speak to a solicitor and ask him to leave.

Mammylamb · 22/11/2019 21:07

Emotions aside. The PPs who advise you to speak to a solicitor are right

Original poster
Boozysuzy84 · 22/11/2019 21:09

I have consulted a solicitor who advised me not to move out until a settlement was reached but couldn't not turn down this council house. I can't afford to take over the mortgage as have been a stay at home parent for almost 4 years and gave up my job to live in middle east with him in 2011.

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 22/11/2019 21:10

Agree with your first move should be a call to the solicitor.
How old is your son? I would be livid if my hubby did that and let my son see another woman in his bed, How confusing for him.

But I would seek legal advice ASAP.

Bluerussian · 22/11/2019 21:12

Hang on to your council house but do move back into your marital home.

MsRomanoff · 22/11/2019 21:14

Whilst moving back is tempting. Dont do it. It's not fair on the chold to be so unsettled moving back home back to the new home etc.

Besides which I know people who have been reported for not living in their council house full time. Would you really do this everytime he goes away.

Fact is that it's a house you both own. If he says she can stay and lives there, there isnt much you can do

I know its tempting to do something to disrupt and hurt them. But in the long run I think you will feel better for rising above it.

Original poster
Boozysuzy84 · 22/11/2019 21:15

She has a dog, what am I supposed to do with it if it's there when I go back to the house and why am I worried about her dog?

OP posts:
Bourbonbiccy · 22/11/2019 21:15

Have you asked where you stand about entry to the property without being on the mortgage and having moved out ?

LemonTT · 22/11/2019 21:15

I understand your feelings. He and she are callous idiots.

But, you have separated into 2 homes. The house, which you own half of, is now his home. Accepting that separation and boundary is an important step. For you to get on with your life.

If you kick off what will you achieve? Anger, acrimony and arguments which your son will witness. It’s not your fault but you don’t need to lower yourself to their level.

Focus on getting your share out of the home and use her presence to reduce his share of assets. Because now he has a live in partner to share cost of the home, he needs less.

DollyPomPoms · 22/11/2019 21:16

Is he in breach of his mortgage conditions? Play it that way...any adult occupiers need to sign an occupiers consent form...

OrangeZog · 22/11/2019 21:18

Can you safely and securely leave the dog in the back garden?

DocusDiplo · 22/11/2019 21:21

What a horrible, horrible man! Stay strong, OP! Flowers

Gruzinkerbell1 · 22/11/2019 21:21

Call the RSPCA. Tell them a dog has been abandoned at your house...