Aibu to think mistress shouldn't be in house when husband not there?

[Boozysuzy84]

Recently separated after 17 years due to cheating spouse. Moved into rented accommodation last sat and mistress had moved into marital mortgaged home by wednesday. No settlement has been agreed we are discussing him buying me out.

Husband is going away for business for a week starting sunday. Can I refuse her access to my home? I have a way of securing it without changing locks. Repeatedly told husband I will not allow any third party to reside in the property while neither of us is there.

@Boozysuzy84. No I’m not on the vino 🍷

You’re being too passive in all of this.

You should have taken the solicitors advice and not moved out. You need to get angry & get what’s fair for yourself & DS. If you think playing nice will win him back, you’re barking up the wrong tree.

@princessTiasmum no she is not. That is not how it works. A court might grant rights over the house until the child is of a certain age as part of a divorce settlement but there is no automatic right over the property.

@boozysuzy84

Praying for that long draw tumble dryer fire for you 😂😂 you never know, karma is a bitch after all!!!

*lint

Jon6b

I have already established I previous posts I have no wish to occupy the marital home. I have been very lucky in securing council housing in a neighbouring village and would never ever risk that. The marital home is to big for my needs anyway and I would not be able to secure a salary high enough at present to pay the mortgage

I guess this is all pure fantasy and rage, hoping that they would feel even a second or the despair I have been feeling.

I'll just keep everything crossed for that lint drawer fire and get on with showing the best example i can to my son.

OP, I have a friend who was in a similar situation. Trying to hang on on the house because it was the marital home has been the main carer just caused her huge stress. The moment she moved out (actually came home to find the locks changed) was a huge release.
She has her own place that she is renting and is going through the courts to get everything she is entitled to. She tried to be reasonable and the irony is her ex-husband would have taken less of a 'financial hit' if he had been a decent human being and worked it out in the beginning. As it is, she will get 50% of the marital assets (mortgage paid and he has managed to accumulate nearly a hundred thousand in savings) and has a claim on his pension. My friend is so much happier, she hated that house in the end. Her ex is a complete arse who fails to understand that his wife taking low paid jobs and part time hours in order to raise their children was a contribution to their household.

Lockheart

Thank you xxx

BestOption

There is no way I could have ever turned down this council house. It is in a charming wee village 1 mile way and still in the same catchment. It has a huge garden and will be a good home once I've put the work in. I'm not being passive I couldn't have afforded that house if I went back to work full time on 30k. If I didn't accept this house it could have been a flat in the nearest big town I was offered full of drug addicts and away from everything my son knows.

I don't want him back he is disgusting. He let a stranger come to my door and tell me about the affair. He has continually lied to me about still seeing this girl, saying I had mental health problems to accuse him of such things then let me find out from my 3 year old son finding them in bed together.

I sincerely hope he dies! He is not a good dad.

The 'rise above it' advice is helpful in some circumstances, but it isn't a blanket mantra to be used every time somebody gets shit on. Sometimes 'rise to it' is more appropriate. Rise to the challenge of righting an injustice against you.

It's terrifying to be disempowered by somebody you rely on in the way you have been, op. Acting to address the unfairness of the situation (within the law) can be empowering and have a lasting positive effect on your self-esteem. This certainly was true for me, anyway.

Did you fill your new home with furniture/household essentials from your marital house? If he still has most of it, I'd hire a man and van and clear it out into storage while she's at work. She certainly wouldn't be sitting/lying, cooking in/eating off anything I spent time choosing.

wotsittoyou

I took my share of items from the house when I moved. X

Can you safely and securely leave the dog in the back garden?

No, @OrangeZog, & why would she?

The dog is a living being, who needs warmth, security, consistency & not to be left outdoors alone in the winter in a stranger's garden. Or left outdoors an anyone's garden. WTF?

Good luck Op, you sound as though you have it all sussed. You will get to the point where the ex and what he does becomes totally irrelevant

Leave them to it pursue with solicitor and child maintenance agency. Their relationship is horrible started horrible and will likely end the same way. Be glad it's not you and live an amazing life with your son

I wouldnt be wasting anymore of my time or effort on either of them.

Put kippers in the curtain poles

Or itching powder in the bed

Probably best to think of them as little as possible, but if you need a release, maybe give a couple of voodoo dolls a good needling or burn them in effigy.

Seriously, wishing the best for you and your son. You both deserve so much better!

You will get through this OP, & your ex & OW truly deserve each other. You sound strong & sane. Good luck in your new home

I wouldn't let him know I had keys. Keep that quite, you never know what's going to happen and it would be handy to give him no reason to change the locks.
Let's be honest, it's worked out best for you, no matter how much it hurts now you've found out what a lying scumbag he is while you're still young enough to move on and your child is young enough to forget ever living with him. This new woman won't last, you can live with the joy of knowing she's going to bin him and move onto the next paycheck when she finds it and he will be sad and alone. Hopefully she's given him some gross std.

I agree with fake flower. A council house is a safe haven from this nightmare. Stay there. Stay safe.
Get solicitors involved Monday morning. Don’t go round there.

I’m petty and vindictive, so I would ask a friend to ring the doorbell every few hours overnight. Or to watch my son while I did.

I would see a solicitor ASAP to understand where I stand - a council house might mean your settlement is less as you are housed? But I wouldn’t risk losing the house unless I was confident I would be better off that way.

I feel for you op what a bastard! But I definitely think you need to take the high road, it will only aggravate an already tense situation, and will probably make your ex act worse.

Heed the legal advice, fight for the best settlement possible and just look after yourself and your ds, think about your future - the best revenge in my experience is definitely moving on and being happy.

Hopefully his poor choices and disgusting behaviour will come back around to bite him on the arse.

If it were me, when next collecting my post I might accidentally drop their toothbrushes in the toilet though. Just saying!

I think you need to discuss this with your solicitor not us. I get you're really upset. The worst part for me would be your ds finding a random woman in his dads bed.