Aibu to think mistress shouldn't be in house when husband not there?

[Boozysuzy84]

Recently separated after 17 years due to cheating spouse. Moved into rented accommodation last sat and mistress had moved into marital mortgaged home by wednesday. No settlement has been agreed we are discussing him buying me out.

Husband is going away for business for a week starting sunday. Can I refuse her access to my home? I have a way of securing it without changing locks. Repeatedly told husband I will not allow any third party to reside in the property while neither of us is there.

Ach OP this isn't very nice for you at all but you sound amazing. Stay in your new house, make things lovely for DS and let STBEXH get on with it.
Get your money out of the tube and let him marinade in his own crap.

Wait a minute! Did I read she was with DH's boss before she moved onto DH? I bet the atmosphere at that work is just a tad frosty.
I bet your old neighbours are taking a dim view as well (I know Scottish villages well, there's always a whiff of the Mrs Mack about all of us). Just sit tight, in a year or two he'll either be in a place half the size or his lifestyle will have to change to accommodate paying for a big place on his own, she'll be long gone. At home he'll be the wanker that moved in a mistress and let his wife and kid be declared homeless and at work he'll be the wanker that shagged the boss's girlfriend. I don't imagine neighbours and workmates will be queueing up to be his pal.

Congratulations on your council house, I also agree on seeking proper legal advice. Hooowwwever, you could always put a fresh fish into the curtain pole whilst taking the high road 🤫

I would just forget about it tbh. When the divorce settlement is made there may be an option to move back in, but only if you have a job and can make mortgage repayments, which sounds unlikely. He isn't obliged to pay your mortgage as he will need somewhere else to live. If he has partial custody he may get to stay in the house anyway, sucks I know. As you have a council house I would stick with that as losing it may mean a less favourable house. In time you will get some money from the current equity in the home, but it seems likely you are in the best position now.

Go in and take a load of furniture (and some curtains. You own half the property in that home. Take the tv.

I had this with my first husband. Told me he ‘wanted thinking room’ so I moved into digs I could get through work. He then moved in the girlfriend who was breaking up her second marriage at the grand old age of 23 to be with him. She had the brass neck to sit on my sofa while he stroked her shoulders saying ‘it’ll be ok’ when I went to collect my things. He tried to lay claim to stuff of mine and got told where to go, she continued to sit there sniffing into a handkerchief as though she was some damsel in distress!! That was enough to piss anyone off but what did it for me was when I saw my umbrella on the back seat of the car and reached in to retrieve it - he told me that it wasn’t mine, I couldn’t have it, he’d sold the car to the next door neighbour! My mother gave me that car, it wasn’t his to sell!
Anyway, 20 years later, he’s bald with a paunch, she’s taken him for everything and I now have an amazing husband, two gorgeous kids and a wonderful life.
Let it go - maintain your pride, chin up, shoulders back and move forward. It’s only stuff, you have your son and he deserves the best you can give him in life 💐

As long as you are paying rent etc for your council house and not sub letting why can you not move back in to your marital home until you have a formal settlement arranged. You say you are not on the mortgage but are you on the deeds. You need to get more legal advice on what you have discovered.

I’m with mummylamb. Nasty creep. Put your foot down and don’t have anymore of his shit.

Leave them and the house alone.

You have somewhere you can make your own, after all - and soon enough, you will be able to resume your high earning career, at which point, you will be able to buy anywhere the two of you need.

Do not jeopardize your council house, you're right, they are a rarity.

Do get on to your solicitor to keep them informed, other than that, keep your head up in a dignified manner.

You don't need that cheating husband or that house but you do need your peace of mind and moving back to the house and causing a scene when you have zero control over this situation will make you look and feel like shit so don't go there because it's not in your best interests at all. Do tell your solicitor to go for the jugular when it comes to getting your financial share.

I would be tempted to stay in your new home, but remove all the furniture from the family home while he's away. What a total tit :( x

Get a removal van and take whatever you want - it's your stuff too.

This is what I would do. I wouldn't want to live there, but I'd take all the best stuff and set up on my own. He's living in the nice house at the moment- why should he have all the stuff you BOTH own too?

Love your attitude and cool head. I was an absolute wreck when this happened to me and hit the badly. Wish I'd come on here for some support... but I find it hard to ask for.

I unerstand legal advice is expensive - but it will be a lot more expensive in the long run if you don't get it now and act on it asap.

OP your post about the faulty tumble dryer made me laugh
Hang in there lady

I've had a quick read and haven't seen this mentioned, but would the other woman been left in the house interfere with the house insurance.

Everything will be split equally at least for a starting point and then more prob in your favour- you would be entitled to stay in house until child is 18. Should not have moved out. :(

Everything will be split equally at least for a starting point and then more prob in your favour- you would be entitled to stay in house until child is 18. Should not have moved out.

This is not always the case. OP needs to instruct a solicitor and get proper advice.

I think the council house was a good move. I’d want revenge too but nothing that causes damage to the property or that involves you having to go and sit in it. Best of luck

You have a right to live in the house. Move back in.

Prawns.

Prawns inside the curtain poles OP.

Just saying

I didn't mean give up your new home, just move back in temporarily if you can face it. While helping yourself to anything you feel should be yours.

Oh my. She has SO got the booby prize.

He is just a vile cunt.

I'm glad you've decided to leave alone. I've no doubt this will be better for YOU in the long run.

Im praying for the lint drawer fire 🙏

@chocolatehamper did you get the car back?!

Dear OP what a monster is your ex? But I wouldn’t let either this OW or your ex know you have a key BUT I would go in to the house when they aren’t there, open and leave in sight non vital mail addressed to you or to you both, OR leave a dirty cup and plate in the sink OR use the loo and don’t flush it OR lie on the neatly made bed, spray your perfume about, make it obvious but then lock up and go back home!
But I am probably a bit of a wild card these days! 😊😊😊