How dare they?

[astralweaks]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

The above is in today’s Guardian. Thoughts?
I think the author and his partner have shown remarkable restraint and been far too polite.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

What do you think they should have done?

Oh, god. What an utter twat the author is. Why didn’t they move their bedroom if the noise bothered them so much?

Hahahahaha

But then what are people supposed to do, suffocate their children because the noise is inconvenient for their neighbours? We used to live in block of flats until I went to uni and there were people with kids who would wake up at 6 am on a weekend running signs and screaming, crying at night, such is life. Don't want it, buy a detached house in the middle of a forest. I'd rather hear a screaming baby than let's say someone partying.

This is the line that stands out for me:

"We certainly never asked: in our child-worshipping culture, there is no more egregious social blunder than to request that a parent limit the disturbance caused by their young offspring."

I think it's a bit much to blame the parents for doing nothing, when the neighbours didn't mention that it was an issue.

I say this as someone who is childfree by choice and has lived in a terrace next to a newborn baby. Ultimately, crying is something babies do. My suggestion to the writer would be to ask if the parents could move the baby to a different room, or at least take steps to insulate the room it's sleeping in - if they're unhelpful, that's the time to start writing to the Guardian - but not before they have even mentioned it.

The neighbours might well not realise how much the sound travels especially at night. The author hasnt said anything to the neighbours. Perhaps if they had said something the neighbours would have moved things about.

in our child-worshipping culture, there is no more egregious social blunder than to request that a parent limit the disturbance caused by their young offspring. It’s assumed that we, a childless couple, don’t understand and have no right to comment
Well they are saying enough here.

So what are they meant to do?
Whose fault is it if housing is overpriced and not built for purpose?

If I lived in a semi or terrace I would definitely think of the neighbours and if it would help I would move bedroom. Since when did it become fine to be so completely unaffected by your impact on those around you?

Just browsing that section and came across exactly the same thing from the opposite perspective:

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/aug/31/letter-to-neighbours-complain-baby

My suggestion to the writer would be to ask if the parents could move the baby to a different room, or at least take steps to insulate the room it's sleeping in
Not everyone can afford insulation of a room,, and for some people sleeping with a baby in the same room is not by choice (f ex if child is unwell/ ill/ suffers because of a condition). Id want my baby closer if that was the case.

I think they should

A) fuck off
B) buy some earplugs
C) moved themselves to a different bedroom

A big part of the grumble seems to be that the parents kept the newborn in the same room as them. Which is current guidance.

Not everyone can afford insulation of a room

You don't necessarily have to pay for actual insulation. Moving wardrobes to the party wall will have an insulating effect, for example. Obviously it might not be possible - my point was that the writer hadn't even discussed options with the neighbour - they'd just assumed it would be seen as an "egregious social blunder".

It's one of those things that yes, is incredibly annoying, but can't be helped.

My neighbours (when I lived with my parents) had a baby and a toddler, both of whom had the bedroom right by my head. I was doing my A Levels, and was woken up several times a night. I firstly moved my bed so that it wasn't against the wall, but that didn't help enough, so I moved downstairs. I could still hear it, but it didn't wake me up as much.

Babies are babies. There's little that can be done if they're going to cry. Babies don't cry for fun.

If you don't want to be woken by babies, I recommend buying a detached house. Otherwise, there's just nothing that can be done, and there's no point in making parents feel any worse than they already do due to the stress of having a baby at all.

If someone has asked me to move my baby to another room i would give them a leaflet on SIDS. They are bloody meant to be in the same room as you for 6 months.
We made a point to keep baby away from the side of the room joining the neighbors though.

I wouldn't have known that pre kids though. But it's evident that they haven't discussed it with the neighbors at all. Just written to the guardian instead??
What's wrong with people, have a civil discussion with someone instead of spouting off online to all who will listen.

I have a small baby too and though I know babies cry, I try to avoid the crying becoming a nuisance to our neighbors if I can.

He sleeps in our bedroom too and when he cries in the night, I close the window so the sound doesn’t carry far enough to be heard loudly outside the house. I do the same during the day and he’s with me in the living room.
Every month or so, when my DH cleans our street with all the neighbors together he apologizes for any convenience caused by our DS crying and so far they have told him: ‘let the baby cry sometimes, it’s good for his lungs’, ‘we haven’t heard the baby cry in a while, so we were wondering if everything is OK’, ‘if your wife needs any help, let us know’.
The elderly ladies living here love the baby and I always make sure to stop by for a chat when they are outside and the baby is with me so they can stroke his little hands and tell me how cute he is.

I can’t stop him from crying and we have very thin walls but I try to create some goodwill.

Haha. Child-worshipping culture---really, Britain???

Could he not have had a gentle word with them about the noise? Discussed it with his neighbours to see if there was an alternative.

I don’t know what on earth he expected them to do if he hadn’t actually made them aware there was a problem!

They may have no idea how much the noise carries through the wall. We lived in an apartment when DD was born and I would’ve had no idea if she could be heard by any of our neighbours!

To suggest it’s selfish to keep their child in the same room as them is ludicrous, and unless I’ve missed it, he doesn’t actually say how long this was for, could’ve only been the first 6 months, as is strongly advised, and there could be dozens of reasons why this was actually necessary for them.

He sounds more inconsiderate than the parents to be honest.

we have never judged anyone’s decision to become parents

How noble. What does he want? A fucking medal?

We live in a terrace and have a baby. She’s never made half an much noise as the twats one side who have parties when the parents are away, chat loudly while smoking in the garden at all hours, blast out mtv and use the hair dryer at midnight, or the arseholes the other side who scream abuse at each other every few days, run up and down the stairs in a rage, bang doors and throw things at each other. People make noise. People of all ages.

We don't have a 'child-worshipping culture' in this country at all!

What is the purpose of an open letter in the guardian anyway? It's not really a letter to the neighbours, is it, unless they're meant to identify themselves purely by being a couple with a toddler and a baby on the way. Is it made up by a guardian staff member to generate outrage and clicks? Or has somebody actually written that with the purpose of making new parents in general feel like shit, as revenge for their sleep being temporarily interrupted by one particular baby?

What a total knob.

Current guidelines are that babies sleep in their parents bedroom as it reduces the risk of cot death. You can’t ask someone not to do that as it disrupts your sleep FFS. Also, how were the family with the baby to know which room upstairs is their neighbours bedroom. Maybe there could have been something done if he had actually mentioned it at the blooming time. And as pointed out above, ear plugs would have solved the whole problem.

We don't have a 'child-worshipping culture' in this country at all!

My experience as a child-free person is that we very much have a child-worshipping culture in this country. The writer is not wrong there. But I don't think that should have prevented him speaking to the neighbours.

@dreamyflower agree