How dare they?

[astralweaks]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

The above is in today’s Guardian. Thoughts?
I think the author and his partner have shown remarkable restraint and been far too polite.

My 5 year old knows that a baby is noisy grin

Maybe you could ask them to explain it to you then, because you don't seem to understand this.

WhatsInAName19

and you don't seem to understand that your neighbours shouldn't have to suffer from your lifestyle choices.

Yes, it's a pain in the ass to have to tip toe when you have neighbours, especially when you have babies and young children, and to make sure you are as considerate as possible. Of course it would be so much easier to live a detached property in the middle of nowhere and be as noisy - or as quiet -as you feel like it.

But when everybody starts acting like they don't give a shit about others, everyone suffers. I am ever so grateful my own neighbours were lovely and no one had to be disturbed by anyone else. Strange as it might seem to some people, but not having to suck up the disturbance from next door is bliss.

@JusticeForSandra How bloody patronising!
The fact that I am considerate does not mean that I can prevent my child from crying. The only thing I could do I suppose is to strangle her, but that's not an option I am willing to explore. I am acutely aware that my child makes a noise, as, guess what, I can actually hear the crying and don't sleep myself. But except for murdering them often there is nothing we can do, especially when the baby is unwell or wakes up frightened, it takes a long time to calm them down. I sympthatise with my neighbours, but apart from that there is little I can do. Not because I am selfish, but because there is nothing else to be done about it.
I find that sometimes childless people are so self absorbed with their life, forgetting that someone else's children will be contributing to their pension in the future, maybe taking care of them as they grow old and ill and senile, and that if people just stopped having children the country's economy would go to hell. So yeah, maybe putting up with a crying baby, while unconfortable, can be easily done on their end by buying £2 earplugs.

A baby is not going to say 'hey, I mustn't bother the naighbours with my crying.'

What is the writer expecting the parents to do, exactly?

JusticeForSandra Genuine question; in a terrace, both bedrooms are next to neighbours bedrooms, which bedroom would you put a baby in?

I would do what I did in my flat, go in the living room...

I had an excellent relationship with all my neighbours, despite having babies...

I sincerely hope they will ignore your baby or toddler need to sleep early evening when they decide to have a normal life MonaLisaDoesntSmile

You went downstairs every time your baby was crying? That's dedication Sandra our front room is always cold at night

I had an excellent relationship with all my neighbours, despite having babies...

So do I, we've all got small kids, so we're all used to hearing small child/baby noise. Thankfully we all insist we can't hear the others

Laughing at the person who thinks terraced walls aren't thin. Have lived in a variety of terraced houses. Can tell you what they're watching on tv, what room they're in, when they sneeze, when their alarm goes off...

I live in a terraced house. One side have a 4 year old, the other have an 18 month old and I have never heard anything! Not a peep!

Obviously there’s nothing the parents can do about it but the author must have been driven mad by the noise - the fact that the parents can’t help it doesn’t make it any less distressing to be kept awake for months by a crying baby. I don’t like the tone of the letter but you can’t blame him for being upset.

You went downstairs every time your baby was crying? That's dedication Sandra our front room is always cold at night

as I said I lived in a flat, not sure where you got that from, landlord obviously failed to tell me about the magic "downstairs" ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere
but I have never switched off the heating at night with young children

I was the only one in the building with children (small or not), the others could have made my life a lot harder than my babies could have, I am forever grateful the neighbours were lovely.

@JusticeForSandra

You do know you were a baby right?

You do know at some point you were the "inconsiderate neighbour" keeping your neighbours up. But they like most decent people probably took it in their stride and understood these things happen, you are a baby, such is life and they were once babies too. You sound even more unbearable and intolerant than the author

monkeyplanet
You do know at some point you were the "inconsiderate neighbour" keeping your neighbours up.

Looking at my parents accomodation at the time, I seriously doubt that

When my son was little he was teething and very distressed in the night, my neighbour starting banging the wall and shouting “shut up” I was raging.
The next morning she came over and knocked in the door with her teenage son, who she made apologise for banging the wall and said her son doesn’t understand and we don’t hear him crying often is my son ok.
Rather than writing letters why not go around and talk about a problem. The worlds going mad

monkeyplanet
You sound even more unbearable and intolerant than the author

Unlike the author, I have kids myself, so I know what I am talking about and I know that it's possible not to make a nuisance of yourself and make your neighbours life hell. It's just a choice 🤷

The upside is that I don't have to start threads complaining about neighbours loud parties, antisocial DIY, screaming kids in the evening, loud tv or music, or generally being awoken or kept awake by my neighbours...
Works both ways.

I had an excellent relationship with all my neighbours, despite having babies..

Yep. Me too! And ive done that without being a martyr or wandering about the house with a newborn in the middle of the night.

Well Sandra you must have incredible children I'd they never disturbed your neighbour. Please do tell me how you stop a baby with colic screaming. It made no difference taking her downstairs because our neighbour would still bang on the wall. She was just intolerant, a bit like you.
A screaming baby is not a choice.

And ive done that without being a martyr or wandering about the house with a newborn in the middle of the night.

Is that how you see basic politeness, being a "martyr". Interesting way of seeing things

Its not basic politeness its insanity. Basic politeness is saying "im sorry if you heard the baby last night" to next door after a particularly bad one or placing the cot against an internal wall if possible

Pacing up and down at night with a screaming baby if you do not have to is absolute madness.

As I said I lived in a flat, not sure where you got that from, landlord obviously failed to tell me about the magic "downstairs" ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere
but I have never switched off the heating at night with young children*

It was behind that door, did you never look?! The back room amplifies sound into upstairs at ours, front room would probably be less bad on one side, but still bad for the other. We can't afford to have the heating on all night. It's alright upstairs because it's carpeted and next door usually has their heating on

I was the only one in the building with children (small or not), the others could have made my life a lot harder than my babies could have, I am forever grateful the neighbours were lovely.

It's shit that you were at the behest of people who could have made your life difficult about something you couldn't have controlled.

I do get what you're saying about doing as much as possible to stop neighbours being affected by baby noise (and most people would want to keep neighbourly relations positive) but this particular author sounds like a proper bellend, I reckon his neighbours might not have been arsed that he was being woken up

The upside is that I don't have to start threads complaining about neighbours loud parties, antisocial DIY, screaming kids in the evening, loud tv or music, or generally being awoken or kept awake by my neighbours...
Works both ways.

Tbf our neighbour one side is a proper dick for doing antisocial DIY.

It's shit that you were at the behest of people who could have made your life difficult about something you couldn't have controlled.

what a very weird way to see things - anyone could behave like an anti-social arse with loud parties, loud tv, loud music and general inconsiderate and random noise.

It just happens that in real life many people are considerate and do not feel the need to make neighbours life unpleasant, and everybody is happy.

When I read the threads about the shit neighbours and what people have to put up with, I know where I prefer to live. It seems that the simple fact of being to sleep whenever you feel like it is a luxury that many are missing on!

Awaiting with interest the solution to a crying baby. Burying it? Send it back? Dd1 screamed and screamed we were first time parents at wits end. Took to 3 different gps the final one a mother of 5 herself “sometimes babies just cry”. What a prat the letter writer is. Nice rooms or get ear plugs yourself you prat

Move rooms. Our worst neighbours were gangsta rap all night playing drug dealers. Never heard their baby,

Tbf our neighbour one side is a proper dick for doing antisocial DIY.

One of my neighbour was redoing half his flat when I had my 2nd baby. He actually made his builders stop all noise at nap time and take their break so my kids could sleep.

Of course he didn't have to do that - but by not being a selfish twat, he made what could have been a nightmare couple of months completely bearable.
As I said, works both ways, he wouldn't have been so pleasant if we had been inconsiderate ourselves.

Each to their own, I am just grateful for my neighbours🤷