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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How dare they?

243 replies

astralweaks · 16/11/2019 12:21

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

The above is in today’s Guardian. Thoughts?
I think the author and his partner have shown remarkable restraint and been far too polite.

OP posts:
ToTheRegimentIWishIWasThere · 16/11/2019 21:22

Sandra You said you were the only one with children and that your neighbours could have made your life difficult if they wanted. I followed that to the conclusion that the would have made your life difficult because of general children noise.

My neighbour was completely rebuilding the downstairs of his house, it took 10 months longer than he anticipated because he was doing it himself as well as working and living there with his wife and small children. I did ask him to stop fucking banging at 10:30pm a couple of times but other than that, the quicker it was done the better for everyone involved. Neighbourly relations are still fine, lucky I'm a very tolerant person Grin

JusticeForSandra · 16/11/2019 21:35

No sorry, I only meant I was the only one who was desperate for quiet evenings, and letting me sleep whenever my own kids let me Grin
If they had made "adult noise" (tv or music, parties) late at night, it would have been hell.

VeryQuaintIrene · 16/11/2019 21:44

Though a child-free by choice person myself , I was enraged by the author's pissy attitude.

GiantKitten · 16/11/2019 22:03

JusticeforSandra

One of my neighbour was redoing half his flat when I had my 2nd baby. He actually made his builders stop all noise at nap time and take their break so my kids could sleep

Key to that was, of course, communication.

Guardian letter writer clearly had no idea how to communicate. (Hence my point, way back Hmm If he’d just said something...)

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 17/11/2019 11:10

I’m not sure that the UK has a child-worshipping culture, but I do think that some parents amongst themselves have one (I’m thinking predominantly of work here - how me and my other childfree colleagues are endlessly expected to work when parents aren’t, on the basis that “we’ll get our turn”. Just one example of the culture that makes childfree people irritated.)

There’s an interesting mix of “but why didn’t he complain?” and “what does he expect parents to do?” - the latter answers the former.

I had this problem in a flat, and dared to mention it (I was working really long hours to make my rent, and was exhausted), only to get a mouthful of abuse about being a miserable twat who’d forgotten that I was once a child. Whenever we passed in the hallways, she’d nudge the person she was with and make a comment. That might be an extreme example, perhaps, but it also has the hallmarks of some PPs on this thread, so. I don’t blame the writer for not mentioning it, and having been at my wits end in the same situation, I can sort of understand writing to a newspaper! That said, the tone is awful and I’d be embarrassed reading it back.

Aridane · 17/11/2019 12:29

Child centric surely (even if not child worshipping)

ScreamedAtTheMichelangelo · 17/11/2019 12:52

Child-centric, maybe. I get that that’s kinda the territory when it comes to being a parent, but sometimes there’s a feeling that I’m also expected to join in (see again work example - I’m having to curtail my Xmas/NY arrangements with my family 400 miles away because others have children.) I have some sympathy with a person who has lost the plot because of living in a noisy situation that they had no part in choosing - seeing them being called a twat for objecting to it kinda rankles.

Rosebel · 17/11/2019 17:33

I don't think he's a twat for objecting to the noise but because he chose to write to the paper rather than talk to the parents or move rooms!!

hiddenmnetter · 17/11/2019 17:53

Too bad-if you want this country to survive and there to be doctors, ambulance drivers, police, firefighters, supermarket staff in your old age someone has to have children. Your being childless by choice doesn't take away from the fact that society must have children or it will collapse. We can only afford childless by choice couples because immigration makes up the shortfall.

JusticeForSandra · 17/11/2019 20:08

Too bad-if you want this country to survive and there to be doctors, ambulance drivers, police, firefighters, supermarket staff in your old age someone has to have children.

and said children are allowed not to be disturbed by the racket from anti-social neighbours, it's not just adults who suffer from inconsiderate and excessive noise...

hsegfiugseskufh · 17/11/2019 20:48

Lol @ babies being anti social.

JusticeForSandra · 17/11/2019 21:02

.. or maybe.. their PARENTS?

just in case some people need everything spelled out clearly to understand

hsegfiugseskufh · 17/11/2019 21:04

Its not anti social to be a parent of a baby who cries.

All babies cry. What can ya do?

Christ on a bloody bike woman. Anti social babies ffs. Whatever next!

JusticeForSandra · 17/11/2019 21:11

Bollykecks
not sure why you just created the concept of anti-social baby, you are strange.

JusticeForSandra · 17/11/2019 21:12

Anyone remember the thread of the poster who was left speechless when a neighbour was leaving her crying baby in the pram in the communal hall because it was too noisy for her own flat? Grin

hsegfiugseskufh · 17/11/2019 21:18

Because sandra you seem to think the sound of babies crying is the parents being anti-social. I am not the strange one here. You still havent offered any remedy for crying babies either. Presumably because their isnt one and you should either a) bloody well put up with it or b) move.

JusticeForSandra · 17/11/2019 21:34

Bollykecks
You clearly think having a baby gives you the right to ignore anyone else around you. I am waiting for the "kids will be kids" that will follow shortly.

That's just rude. The rest of us manage not to be such a prat. I feel sorry for your neighbours and I can only hope they share the same attitude.

hsegfiugseskufh · 17/11/2019 21:39

No i dont think kids will be kids i have a well behaved 3yo boy. There are consequences if he is naughty. With the best will in the world you cant silence a baby. Theyre not doing anything wrong theyre doing all they know how to.

Why do you feel sorry for my neighbours? They dont hear my sons night terrors because his room doesnt back on to their house.

I however do hear their baby crying on a regular basis but because i have been there and have empathy and am not a completely soulless miserable selfish arse, i think to myself aw theyre having a bad night with her and i go back to sleep.

If i had a really big problem with their daughter crying i would soundproof our bedroom wall.

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