How dare they?

[astralweaks]

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/16/a-letter-to-our-neighbours-with-a-baby

The above is in today’s Guardian. Thoughts?
I think the author and his partner have shown remarkable restraint and been far too polite.

I think it's a bit much to blame the parents for doing nothing, when the neighbours didn't mention that it was an issue.

Does no one think for themselves about how their actions may affect other people anymore?

There are countless instances reported in the media where people have challenged thoughtless/anti social behaviour and been attacked for doing so. Perhaps the neighbours were frightened of saying something in case it made things worse or escalated to violence??

How about people start using common sense and thinking for themselves how their actions may affect people around them??

He hasn’t even talked to them about it!

‘Child worshipping’ - God forbid we live in a society that puts children’s needs as a priority (we don’t live in such a society by the way)

He’s a pompous arse. Buy some earplugs sweetheart. Or COMMUNICATE.

When my neighbour told me the sound of my toddler running above her bedroom in the morning bothered her I was mortified as I thought our living room was above theirs, but it was above their bedroom. So I made sure the toddler didn’t leave the bedroom until a reasonable hour in the morning.

Parents are still people - most will not want others to be inconvenienced by them. We KNOW that other people don’t find our kids as adorable as we do, trust me. We are told often enough

Hearing*

It might not be feasible for the couple to move bedrooms. Our first house was a 2 bedroom terrace but you could not fit a king size bed into the second bedroom. It was really only a single person's bedroom.

And yes we do have a child worshipping culture within the English culture of reserve. So it is expressed differently to some countries that also worship children.

Well they said they moved in a few days before the baby was due, so if thy'd seen the woman they might have, I dunno, suspected...

Couples having babies is quite normal. Babies cry. If you live near people, they will make noises.

There are countless instances reported in the media where people have challenged thoughtless/anti social behaviour and been attacked for doing so. Perhaps the neighbours were frightened of saying something in case it made things worse or escalated to violence??

The writer says -

"I hear your voices through our shared walls, scolding or soothing depending on the mishap. I don’t doubt you’re good parents. There seems to be a lot of love in your household."

It doesn't sound as though he was saying they were violent people, and surely he'd have mentioned it in his letter if that was his reason.

Sounds like a letter why many people would agree with - hence it being published, that's the whole point!

The neighbours seem really the entitled kind, if they never acknowledged and apologised for the noise. You don't need to be told your baby makes a racket, you know, how more obvious can it be!
Some of us managed to have a baby without bothering everybody else despite living in a flat.

It is a sad view of what life is for many people; parents refusing to accept any responsibility and have any respect for people around them.

Most normal people would have started to make noise themselves to prove the point, if the writer hasn't done so, he seem like a very nice person.

No of course they didn't know the couple we're about to have a baby when they first moved in, they would have found out soon afterwards, I expect. But a couple having a baby isn't exactly an unlikely scenario, is it??

He stikes me as rather arrogant.
seemingy he believes that because he has chosen not to have children that his life should not be inconvenienced by other people's.

My neighbours very politely told me that my kitchen chairs made a lot of noise on the tiled floor and that it was above their living room. I put rubber feet on all the chairs and make an effort not to clatter.

They would never never complain about my children (including baby who cried, as babies do) because they are kind and sensible people who know that my baby did not come with a volume dial.

I moved bedrooms when next doors baby was going through a particularly vocal stage.

Didn’t bother me at all - it’s nit like they wanted the baby to cream for two hours at 3am.

However these neighbours are generally loud and selfish. All other noise they generate makes me really mad. They shout and sing and slam doors all day and night. No wonder the poor baby cries.

all blaming the author rather than the total lack of consideration/thought shown by the parents of the baby. I imagine this is exactly why the author didn't complain to the parents. Because he'd have been met by the same responses and told the author should move their bedroom etc. Clearly baby-brain is a long term condition.

Exactly what thought/consideration were the parents supposed to show HundredMilesAnHour? If they were leaving it to scream for hours and hours instead of seeing to it then fair enough, but it doesn't say that.

These people moved in next door to a couple just about to give birth, not the other way around. What did they expect? Houses rarely have more than one bedroom big enough to take a cot and a double bed so moving rooms probably wouldn't have been an option even if they'd known. Whereas the new neighbours could have moved themselves into a different room.

Consideration for neighbours is not having your music as loud as it will go/ not chatting in the garden at 3am/ not slamming doors and screaming around the house. A new baby can't be reasoned with and shushed. Just what would you have expected them to do?

I'm normally the first person to complain about noise from neighbours but honestly, a new baby? Hardly deliberate nuisance.

I saw this this morning. Thought it was hilarious. What self righteous twats the neighbours are ... expecting grovelling apologies for a crying baby.

They could have moved rooms themselves or bought a white noise machine for themselves if it was such a problem. Ridiculous to think the parents should feel bad because babies cry at night.

Frankly, glad they're not having children themselves since they've shown very little understanding about them!

Some of us managed to have a baby without bothering everybody else despite living in a flat.

If you know how to raise a baby/toddler in a healthy way with zero noise and crying then you should write a book. You’ll be a billionaire by this time next year!

Send them a bucket load of intravenous Calpol!

Laughing at the person who thinks terraced walls aren't thin. Have lived in a variety of terraced houses. Can tell you what they're watching on tv, what room they're in, when they sneeze, when their alarm goes off...

seemingy he believes that because he has chosen not to have children that his life should not be inconvenienced by other people's.

I have 4 kids, and I still believe they are not a reason to inconvenience other people

If you know how to raise a baby/toddler in a healthy way with zero noise and crying then you should write a book. You’ll be a billionaire by this time next year!

I know some people's thought process is a bit slower, but do you really need to have it spell out to you?

You don't put the baby above or next to your neighbours' bedroom (or put a tv on the partition wall), you take your toddler outside enough so he is happy to play quietly inside for the short time he's there. Plonking them in front of the tv doesn't count as quiet time.

I am amazed that basic manners are disappearing.

I’m curious why so many people assume the author is male.

I really feel for the author

they didn't say anything because they feel they can't say anything

when you live in small flats, it's awful. It's even worse when you know that someone can move their baby to another room. The flat next to mine is a 2 bed flat, but of course either bedroom will be back to back with another bedroom in another flat....

re the 3 year old bouncing around, it seems to be my generation who don't want to ask their children to be quiet, ever. Another flat dwelling friend was talking about the game of "jump off the furniture" being played in the flat above hers.

there actually is no need for that.

in my block, children play en masse in the corridor on rainy days and cold days. I don't say anything because I don't want to be THAT person but I wish I could say something.

And I don't know why earplugs are considered to be the answer to everything, they're not that good!

A friend of mine lived in a flat. She received a letter that the baby would be silenced for good. Police were involved. My friend moved (to a detached house). I think this letter is quite mild. Just venting.

I personally loved the line about him and his wife (child free by choice) now knowing what it is like to have a baby as they've been woken up so much. Ha bloody ha! He has actual fuck all idea about the reality of having a kid.

IMO children are part of life and yes - if you don't like the noises of a crying baby, or any other everyday living noises, then you most certainly should be choosing to live somewhere you won't be disturbed. Not a terrace.

These are the types who will later complain the kids are using their own garden during daylight hours; they are the people who roll their eyes and tut if a person dares to be near them on an aeroplane with a child under 5; they are the ones who stare and comment if a child is having a tantrum; they are the ones who know how to parent perfectly with zero experience. We've all met these people as parents.

Of course the letter writer and his wife could have moved rooms. They could have spoken to the family. But if it's part and parcel noise of a young baby I am not certain what they expect the parents to do - just manage to add an extra layer of guilt on them any time their kid so much as whimpers?

Conclusion: they are arseholes.

BlackCatSleeping, probably because the piece says "my wife and I".

Dolly "They shout and sing and slam doors all day and night. No wonder the poor baby cries."

this! I bet that sort of noise is really annoying when you're a baby. Well, I mean, it's bad enough as an adult, but a baby surrounded by noise must feel quite panicky?

cara "And yes we do have a child worshipping culture within the English culture of reserve."

we do have a culture of child worship, it's awful. But as for English culture of reserve - I can't find it. I've looked EVERYWHERE. It's vanished, or it has in London.