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To wish I could be a SAHM

302 replies

iwouldbuyyouadress · 13/11/2019 13:10

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

OP posts:

thinkingcapon · 13/11/2019 13:14

Happy to swap!


iwouldbuyyouadress · 13/11/2019 13:15

Why don’t you work, then? Not meant to sound arsey - childcare costs?

OP posts:

gwenneh · 13/11/2019 13:17

I wish we could keep our current lifestyle and afford for me to be a SAHM.


NaomiFromMilkShake · 13/11/2019 13:19

I would hate it.


Marriedwithchildren5 · 13/11/2019 13:33

It's been lovely for the past few years but I've found myself looking at part time jobs now the youngest is starting school soon!


CornishMaid1 · 13/11/2019 13:35

I would love that too when baby arrives, but it is not a possibility for us either as I am the main breadwinner. If someone would pay me the same money to be a SAHM I would jump at it. Would definitely give up work to be a SAHM if I won the lottery, but I would have to start playing it first!


Igotthemheavyboobs · 13/11/2019 13:35

I know what you mean, we are in the same boat and it makes me really jealous of SAHPs.


Trumpleton · 13/11/2019 13:39

I have a friend who never went back to work after kids and do feel jealous that she has never had that stress of getting everyone ready and out and into childcare (and settling at childcare!!) and THEN going off to work, it makes a big difference to the day.
I work days and would love to afford to do 3
Or 2 Grin


churchandstate · 13/11/2019 13:40

It’s why I stopped work. My DD enjoys mornings a lot more now and I am a lot less stressed.


changedtempforprivacy · 13/11/2019 13:42

I'm so jealous of the SAHPs, the ones who have one child in nursery or school in particular - no rushing in the mornings, pickiung them up every day, seeing what they have done at school. Time to recharge themselves at the gym! I am lucky enough to have been able to reduce my hours at work to part time to allow me to get in on the action - but I am really lucky to be able to do this and it's only because I have been doing my job for so long and I have a bit of a financial buffer. I'm a lone parent and if I didn't have that buffer I'd be working all the hours to provide for my child. Being as SAHM is only an option if your husband is a high earner in my experience


Comps83 · 13/11/2019 13:43

I’m in 2 minds about it
We could probably manage at a push and it would be nice to devote all attention to DC but I don’t feel comfortable with being totally financially reliant on DH


Passthecherrycoke · 13/11/2019 13:43

The thing is, it’s extremes isn’t it? I am not a sAHM but on MAT leave with a baby and one at school. Today, I have been to the local shopping centre for a coffee. It’s a bit shit isn’t it? The house work hardly takes any time and then I don’t have much to do.

It was so lovely being able to go to parents evenings without fuss and I don’t miss rushing about. But I think the ideal is probably to work for yourself so you have flexibility or have a job with excellent flexible working


RoseHippy1 · 13/11/2019 13:47

I am currently struggling with whether or not to become a SAHM. I’ve got a decent admin job but I’ve also got a 1 year old and a baby and (Having made a spreadsheet!) we will probably just about break even financially with my wages vs childcare costs (through will actually lose money as a household by my going back to work for the first 12months) until the eldest goes to school. Currently on mat leave and on the one hand it’s such hard work with them both, house is trashed daily and work would give me a break from the elements of drudgery and isolation I suppose ... but I actually enjoy being at home with them and am dreading the stress of mornings and evenings around work. It’s such a difficult one and I don’t think either camp has it easy ! I can totally understand why people want to be SAHM (I think it’s important to think about your own career and finances long term but a break when kids are very young is totally understandable). I feel for you op as not having a choice must frustrating and hard x


OneDay10 · 13/11/2019 13:51

I'm a sahm and I'm so grateful for that privilege. I'm able to focus on my family especially my ds. Turns out he had sensory issues and other difficulties. He could have easily slipped through the cracks if I wasn't on top of it.
When dh gets home everything is done, just family time.
I love picking up my ds from school and doing special things together, having that quality time. I do know that my ds is having a good childhood, something I didn't have.
I do have lots of time for myself and I appreciate that as well.
Before I became a sahm, i had a highly stressful city job so i knew that when we had kids I wanted to be at home.


RhodaDendron · 13/11/2019 13:56

I’m a sahm by circumstance not choice. I appreciate and value all the benefits you’ve listed above, but I’m also the loneliest I’ve ever been. And I’m very very scared that when I try to get back to work I won’t be able to.


InDubiousBattle · 13/11/2019 14:00

YANBU. I've been a SAHM for the last 6 years and it's been lovely. My youngest started school in September and I'm starting work again after Christmas- I'm a bit sad that being at home with my dc ft is over!


gwenneh · 13/11/2019 14:03

I will say that when we are in a routine, being a working parent is great. But all it takes is one illness/holiday/massive school project/social obligation to throw us very off track! It feels very precarious at times.

On the days where everything goes according to plan and I collect the DC, get home, admire classwork, get homework done and cook dinner I feel on top of the world. But when I'm too exhausted/the DC are too wound up or fighting/the house is a mess/etc. it ceases to be rewarding pretty quickly!


Polydactyly · 13/11/2019 14:05

I worked as you described and it was horrendous not seeing enough of my family. Changed work so I could choose my hours and not need childcare and it was much better although now I’m on maternity leave it’s nowhere near as relaxing as I imagined. This time I’ve had a baby who refuses to be put down and will often spend days screaming even when she’s picked up. I’m still very grateful because I know not a lot of people have a chance at doing the full year of maternity leave. I’m not sure I will be able to but I’m going to try and do as much as I possibly can and enjoy my baby more this time.


marshmellowed · 13/11/2019 14:07

Being a sahm is so hard for me.
Endless housework, admin, looking after little ones, drop off pick ups etc
Work seems like a dream I once took for granted....the journey there and back ALONE with a hot drink and just my own thoughts
Toilet breaks ..... omg I sometimes go DAYS and have pain as literally don’t get a chance to go

I can see it from both sides though


Sallyseagull · 13/11/2019 14:10

I AM a SAHM and it really isnt all its cracked up to be. I have never felt lonlier.

Both sides have pros and cons and the grass isnt always greener.


churchandstate · 13/11/2019 14:11

I find I am busy most of the time. Putting washing on, shopping for food, making three meals a day, cleaning up, changing beds, reading and playing with my daughter, vacuuming, changing bins, garden stuff, ironing, errands etc. It adds up. I know lots of people do that and a full-time job and I am very lucky to have that instead of a full-time job, and lots of time with my daughter. No complaints.


AnneLovesGilbert · 13/11/2019 14:11

I’d love it too. I’m on maternity leave at the moment and hating the thought of going back more than I can say. Every awful new story about nurseries gives me palpitations, the thought of being away from her is horrendous, my job has changed completely while I’ve been gone and my cover is about to quit from the stress of it. But no choice so going to hope they agree to me going back part time. If we were going to have another I’d have tried to get pregnant on leave!


purpleleotard · 13/11/2019 14:12

Be careful what you wish for.
Being a SAHP is utterly boring.
Mind numbingly dull. Just the same routine day after day after day with so little adult input.


AnneLovesGilbert · 13/11/2019 14:12

Being a SAHP is utterly boring.

People say that about maternity leave though and I’ve never been happier in my life.


marshmellowed · 13/11/2019 14:15

I don’t find it boring as such just unrelenting hard work with no clocking in or out time

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