To wish I could be a SAHM

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

I used to yearn to be a SAHM. I have hung on at work despite having a child with SN. It's been really, really tough at times but has saved my sanity long term. I needed to work as DH was starting a new career and not earning much. Luckily I'm not full time, I do a 70% contract which is a good balance.

I'm so glad I hung in there at work. Now the kids are older and childcare costs are almost a thing of the past we are enjoying a better quality of life and I have continued to pay into my pension. I'd hate to be reentering the workplace with a 12 year gap. It's worth hanging in there if you can.

I've been a SAHP for 2.5 years; The biggest benefit to us is to not having to constantly stress about juggling childcare / school holidays / late pickups and sickness but that's about it for me.

I think it probably differs if you have a good support network / friends around you, that you can meet up with. We moved to a new area so we didn't have that and I can honestly say I've never felt more isolated and some days wouldn't speak to another adult, apart from DH. Our kid also had some speech issues which impacted behavior so it made taking to groups, drop ins, making friends through school etc really difficult

The other thing that I think is impacted is a sense of 'self' I've found that you're "someone's mum" all the time. I miss that about work (no matter how dull it was..) that I was a person in my own right. The other thing I'm finding now is that even 'only' being out for 2.5 years is making it very difficult to get back into work

Indeed church

Def, I have to work, really, no choice. It is stressful, though.

I think it's as broad as it is long. I'm home with my boys during the day. It's great in some ways. They're one and two. We do a lot, see friends, have time...time is the big thing. I can do preschool run and then chill with the youngest, run errands during the day, do housework.

But then in the evening I go out to work.

I get the flexibility of being home and getting housework done during the week. Plus making decisions about when my boys start preschool and for how many hours.

However I am now doing housework, childcare and working...

Being as SAHM is only an option if your husband is a high earner in my experience

Not at all, we just cut our cloth accordingly, because it was important to us. We have managed on a small wage and tc top up, usually totalling about 19k together.
There was no way we were both going to work after kids, just wasn't on the radar.
So we managed our lifestyle around the kids.
Not suggesting others should do this btw, or that both working is bad, it just wasn't for us.
We live frugally and prioritise time over money.

I have an issue with all the people saying they’re jealous of SAHPs. I had my children in my mid 30s and DH and I had worked hard to save a lot of money So we could have one of us not working for a few years. And previously to that I worked my arse off in school and at uni to qualify in a competitive, relatively well-paid profession which I have been able to go back to part time. None of this happened by luck or was handed to me in a plate.

I've done it for 8 years. I have some lovely memories and have cherished the time watching my boys grow up but my GOD I'm ready for the adult world now!

I am jealous of all the "drop and rush to work" parents at the school gates as I trudge home with my buggy ready for the washing up and Peppa pig....

Wotrewelookinat

People saying they wish they could do X aren’t saying those who can didn’t earn or don’t deserve it.

You sound very stretched, OP, I think most of us would find getting up at 5:30 very wearing.

Do you need to leave early for work or do your DC wake that early? If it's the latter, that'll hopefully improve. If it's your commute, is there any possibility of something closer to home (or moving closer)?

You sound as if you need some down time.

I'm kind of both at the moment, which is the best of both worlds but also the worst. I'm self-employed so I spend all day with my DD and work in the evenings once she is in bed and during her long afternoon nap. It's great because I can spend time with her but also earn money and keep working as I don't think I would suit being a SAHM with no work long-term.

But it's also tough because it means I don't get anywhere near as much time to myself as I might. I don't work every evening but most of them, so I might work 7-10, then spend an hour or two of leisure time before bed at midnight. And if she has a bad nap day it's frustrating as that's two hours of work out of the window!

I do love being able to spend this time with her though.

I had my children in my mid 30s so did I

dh and I had worked hard to save a lot of money so did we

so we could have one of us not working for a few years ours went on childcare (lolz) and a house deposit

And previously to that I worked my arse off in school and at uni so did I. Dh didn’t go to uni. Not everyone is academic

to qualify in a competitive, relatively well-paid profession which I have been able to go back to part time sounds great, but it’s not the norm and I don’t believe you’re in such a bubble you don’t know this.

@Wotrewelookinat lots of people will work equally as hard as you, some of them even harder, and never be in a position to afford this. They are entitled to wish their situation was different. Hard work does not always correlate to wealth.

being out for 2.5 years is making it very difficult to get back into work

Haha yeah try 8 years! I'm having to completely re-train! I can't wait though. I've raised my boys to full time school age & feel I fully deserve to get back to concentrating on me more now

Op, I’m with you. I’m a single mum and get ds up and onto school bus all week, then work full time, collect ds, then home, cook, homework/admin, an hour with feet up, then sleep. Five days a week.

I am happy most of the time, I like my job and my ds is absolutely the best thing ever but if I get a bit run down, it just feels relentless.
Christmas isn’t far away, there will be time to chill then

Would love to be a SAHP. My maternity ends in April and already dreading going back and leaving my DS 😭

Mind numbingly dull. Just the same routine day after day after day with so little adult input.

That's how I felt. I was a SAHM when my boys were about 3 and 5. But my house has never been so clean.

I was a SAHM for 13 years, and they were the best 13 years of my life. I didn't miss my job (professional, high stress, long hours) for a single second. However, I didn't expect to find myself divorced and unemployable in my late 40s. So perhaps there's something to be said for sticking with a job as well as having children, if possible? There's no right answer to this one.

I cannot believe people think it's a "luxury" to be a SAHM. It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I've been at breaking point so many times. I did not have enough support/childcare/money to just go to back to work when my boys dad walked out.

It's a luxury to be able to go out to work and afford the childcare or have someone to help. Have their dad or your partner to help. God knows how I'll do it next year, all the school holidays & being a single parent but it's going to have to work somehow.

straycatstrut I don’t miss Peppa Pig one jot.

I was sometimes lonely as a SAHM but never bored. It was a massive privilege to have that time with my DC. Money was tight and it set me back massively in terms of lifetime earning potential but I’ve never regretted it. I don’t think DH regrets it either despite the pressure it outmon him to support us all financially.

I am a SAHM, I do work 9 hours a week. I’m not a SAHM through choice, my dc’s are disabled and I am a single parent, I can’t get childcare in the holidays as my children are over 12 years old. I’m also often at hospital appointments , school meetings, my youngest is at a sn school 30 miles away and I often have to go and collect her.

When things are running smoothly and I have no appointments my life is pretty boring and very very lonely, I don’t have friends as most people my age have gone back to work as their kids are now older. I would love to be able to work full time.

I'm a SAHM to one toddler and one reception age child. I love it, but I do panic sometimes worry about my future when the dcs don't need me as much. Despite a decent degree from a really good university, I have no career or useful qualifications to speak of. Don't even mention the whole "what if your DH runs off with someone at work" aspect as I am one of those SAHMs who could be potentially fucked. I don't work, because childcare costs would wipe out my earnings and then some. Also, we have no help at all with childcare, so dcs would be going to childminders or nursery. Childminders are like gold dust where we live. I honestly don't think I could find one who would pick up from dd's school if you paid me to, or unless I was prepared to wait a very long time for them to free up.

But, I do appreciate that I am really lucky that we can afford a decent lifestyle (not luxurious, but fine) on one salary and your life sounds incredibly tough.

My position is more worrying / sometimes a bit monotonous, than it is actual hard work...although there are days when I would sell my granny for a lunch break / solo commute on the train.

Kudos to you. I hope you can find a way to make it easier or that it becomes so.

PS: I am now doing some training from home, as I do worry.

I wake up at 5:30 too for my work. You need to remind yourself of the benefits of working: for me these are:

1. Ability to save, afford private school, and a good sized house without needing to take out a huge mortgage.

1. DC get more quality time with us on the weekends as we tend to do the housework in the weekdays after bedtime.

1. Working in the job I do will eventually give my kids connections into an industry they wouldn’t get if I was at home.

1. The long commutes (each way) are when we get shit done. Learning / training, family admin (DH drives so he does this ie calling to arrange appointments etc), online shopping etc. I also face time my DC in the morning as they have breakfast and in the evening when they have dinner no matter where they are, so we can talk.

I understand OP. I didn't think I would be able to be a SAHM but now I take my hat off to working parents and try to figure out how they do it tbh.

Im lucky in that I have a close friendship circle with DC the same ages, all SAHM. So we are out everyday at each others houses/playgroups etc and I get adult time too. Without that I can see how boring it could be.