To wish I could be a SAHM

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

[churchandstate]

Mind numbingly dull. Just the same routine day after day after day with so little adult input.

I think that’s dependent on the person tbh. I was over-stimulated before, without question.

[MiddleClassProblem]

I found it really isolating. I couldn’t afford childcare until DD was 3 so had no choice. No family to help.

‘Mum friends’ were all pretty cliquey so hard to make new ones at that age where we were.

Always busy too. And looking after a toddler all day alone is quite draining. Meltdowns, questions, repeating the thing they like to do 500 times...

[PicaK]

Not having to rush in the morning is definitely the best part of being sahm. And we really appreciate it for the time it gives us as a family. It makes the salary sacrifice worthwhile.
But. Teachers don't want to talk after school - so you're not missing out there. The time can drag from 3pm to bedtime. You're either rushing around to after school activities or organising playdates or trying to entertain them. Mummies are a bit boring when they are always there.
There's more unappreciated meals to cook. But yeah I wouldn't change it.

[WhatsInAName19]

Being as SAHM is only an option if your husband is a high earner in my experience

I am a SAHM. My DH is not a particularly high earner but we manage. For a number of reasons we decided that one of us being a SAHP was in the best interests of our family. DH was the higher earner by a smidge and I wanted to be with DD more so it was me that gave up work (or just never went back after mat leave ended). We don't have much money left at the end of the month (or anything at all most of the time) but we are all happy.

As an aside, the mat package offered by my employer was woeful, which was indicative of the general working environment which was very sexist in lots of ways. I was very unhappy that, having been a good employee who had been with them from the start, I was only worth the bare minimum statutory mat pay. I genuinely believe that if I'd been given fair maternity pay, which almost always involves a clause requiring the recipient to return to work for a period of time or repay the money, I would have gone back permanently at least part time. They were apparently gutted that I chose to leave. But didn't treat me as a valued employee when I was actually there 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think lots of women end up as SAHMs due to similar circumstances. I know a few of my friends are.

[Seaandsand83]

being a SAHP is utterly boring.

It's only as fun as you make it!!

[Garlicandherb]

I’m a SAHP to two preschoolers, and whilst it’s hard work, I’m honestly in awe of you - I don’t know how you fit it all in.
Just everything, the mornings, the housework, relationship/social stuff. Working parents, you’re all amazing.
I love being a SAHP and I wish you could experience it, but you’re doing a bloody good job at the way you do it too.

[Comps83]

Also depends on how much you enjoy your job as well I suppose
I often describe my job as mind numbingly boring too, I hate it. I get no mental stimulation from it and the boredom effects my mental health. I will be hoping to go back into a different roll when I return to work.

[Oysterbabe]

I'd hate it.
I work part time and it's the right balance for me. I love my children more than words but I really need those few days in the office.

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

That was nice, Garlic

Least I know garlic is raising lovely kids with such a nice mum!

[AnneTwackie]

This is why I became a childminder, I’m really glad I did. It’s definitely worth considering if you can manage on around £90 a day. I’m full time at the moment but once my littlest gets funded childcare I’m planning on doing a ‘proper’ job just two days a week.

[Aria999]

And I’m very very scared that when I try to get back to work I won’t be able to.

Me too @RhodaDendron

Other than that I love it and feel very lucky.

[Tonkerbea]

Being a Sahm to a baby, and one to children in school are poles apart.

I'd love to be the latter!

I have two children, one in school, one at home with me and I work 10-12 hours at the weekend or in the evenings. I'd love to not have to, but we need the money.

Sometimes I wish for a PT day job, but not having the stress of x2 drop offs, illness, school holidays compensates for unsociable hours- so YANBU

[keepingbees]

I'm a sahm. Whilst I know I'm lucky to be able to do this, its not the easy option.
I have 3 DC, 2 of whom have asd and could never tolerate mum and baby groups. The times I did go I felt singled out and no one spoke. I had PND but couldn't ever take time off or get a break. I was on duty 24 hours a day even when ill or exhausted.
I had no 'mum friends.' There were no coffees and chats or play dates, just long lonely days without speaking to another adult.
I couldn't get to a single appointment without taking DC with me, couldnt have the counselling sessions I needed as I had no childcare, couldn't go to a shop in peace, couldn't eat, drink or go to the toilet without someone screaming for me.
I'm financially tied to my DH, I want to try and work for myself now my DC are at school, but as I'm 'just' the sahm I have to still do all that around the endless school runs and housework.
I adore my DC and I'm glad I had the time with them but its certainly not all rosy.

[lifesnotaspectatorsport]

Hmmm, well, there's a flip side. No charging around but also no adult company for most of your day, playing repetitive toddler games, enduring tantrums, feeling obliged to do all the housework because you're at home, 'mum friends' whose sole topic of conversation is kids, kids and more kids, days spent in soft play, parks and shopping centres. Oh god, was I bored. I enjoyed being off with my baby but by a year I'd had enough. I had to delay going back to work as we were moving countries and my mental health really started to suffer. I wouldn't want to be a SAHP for any money. Totally appreciate it suits some, horses for courses and all that, but just saying you might not enjoy it as much as you think...

[Zenithbear]

I thought I would be a sahm but went back 4 days after six months each time. I had good jobs and wanted to remain financially independent. Glad I did as when we divorced I got a very good deal and still had my earnings, some pension etc. I always managed to get to all the plays, sports days, lots of time off in the school holidays and most school pick ups. Also meant we could afford a lovely spacious house, lots of holidays, days out and activities for dc.
Also the full day I did have plus weekends felt really fun and special.

[KatharinaRosalie]

I'm not sure the morning rush specifically would really change one way or the other. DC need to get up, dressed, fed and to school, whether I need to go to work later, or back home.

[morriseysquif]

I was, but child-minded and still do, with other bits added on.

Childminding is bloody hard work though.

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

Work really isn’t interesting, life

I mean, maybe if you are researching something you are interested in or work with fun people.

But for the most part, work can be very dull. It can also crucify your self esteem.

[marshmellowed]

I can see from this thread that it’s not that either working or stay at home parents have it harder than the other but more the case everyone just seems to have too much stress 😔 and too much to do

[gwenneh]

It's just a lot easier to handle that morning rush when you're not also trying to get yourself out of the door to work, I think. Before I leave, I have to make sure things are prepped for when we come home -- what's for dinner, do we have everything we need in, are we ready for any after school activities like football/swimming/etc.

On the rare days where I'm working from home and can add the time I'd usually spend commuting back into my "useful" hours and not have to rush around, it makes life so much easier. That's why I'd love to be a SAHP and have that luxury every day!

[lifesnotaspectatorsport]

@iwouldbuyyouadress Fair point - I am lucky enough to have a good career and enjoy my job. Although I still think I'd rather do a less enjoyable job than be at home full time with young kids 🤔 Don't get me wrong, I adore my son and I'm pregnant again but I really value and need a work/home balance.

[Shmithecat2]

@purpleleotard

Be careful what you wish for.
Being a SAHP is utterly boring.
Mind numbingly dull. Just the same routine day after day after day with so little adult input.

Yep, this is my experience too. The first year was lovely, mostly. It's been just over 4 years for me know and I'd chew my own arm off for a job. Not looking likely for the next couple of years realistically. I'm one of the 'lucky' ones that doesn't need to work for financial reasons. I did wish I could though.

[dottiedodah]

Marshmellowed Why on earth do you not have toilet break!? Surely you can leave DC for a few moments ,pop them in playpen ,buy a sling whatever .You will do yourself a mischief ! I have been a SAHM for many years now ,never been bored ,but not so busy I cant pop to the loo !

[shearwater]

I wanted to be one and managed it sort of by working for myself for a few years and just keeping us ticking over financially. It was certainly much easier for everyone having one parent at home while DDs were small, and I had been quite close to a nervous breakdown managing the sheer physical demands of having two under five when trying to do a demanding professional job. I was absolutely broken and burned out by work.

[churchandstate]

Work should have been interesting for me (teacher), but actually I didn’t find it interesting because it was full of stress. Stress isn’t interesting, it’s horrible.