To wish I could be a SAHM

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

It's totally important to be there for your kids. Even though mine are all in school and some are teens, they just need you more IMHO, so I don't work.

Also I need the "me time" to excercise, bake, craft and keep on top of everything, as well as care for my animals.

I'm not reliant on DP though as I get the CB and TCs into my own account, it works out about the same as a wage for working.

Myhorse

We were the same but as two are older now we only have cb and tc for the one. I can assure you it no longer equates to a wage, but iirc it never did.

It worked well for us as we had the freedom to allow the kids to do far more than if we had both worked. Dh is at home a lot too so no boredom and not having all the domestics and child rearing myself.
I think this helped a lot, along with him being self employed and choosing when to work.

You were clearly quite poorly paid though myhorse

I remember a friend of mine who worked in a clothes shop telling me she wasn’t going back to work after her second. I mean of course she wasn’t, she earnt barely anything. I think it’s different if you earn, say £60k and you and your family will be sacrificing a lot by losing it

GrumpyHoonMain your post is so inconsistent considering you have been posting all over MN about being pregnant with your first

making others envious about working/not working is one of the worst everyday things that women do to each other. not all mothers can get decent work that pays ok & fits around other commitments; not all women can afford not to work.

I have 4 days at home with my children and although I love being able to spend time with them, the drudgery of day to day housework and general parenting is pretty mind numbing.

I think I’ve got a nice balance between work and home life because there’s no way on earth I could be a full time SAHP. I think I would drive myself round the bend.

Been there & done it. Yes it was fun and sometimes a bit boring.
But by far the biggest problem was finding a job at the end of it. You just can't pick up where you left off 5-6 years ago....

I work part time which is sort of the best of both worlds ( but can leave you feeling like you are failing at both work and home!)

On the days I am at home with my dc (eldest now just started school) it's full on, out and about( swimming, museums, walks , playground, library) playin with them, cooking, trying to sort the house out. How anyone's house is clean and tidy with preschool children I will never know!

There is something about going to work which can be quite liberating though. I'm aware I say that as some who likes thier job ( and has no family to help out with childcare so kids are with us 24/7 out of work)

Once I was back on my feet, I studied with the OU when I was a SAHM, although I only had one very easy child who loved her sleep. She napped twice a day like clockwork. I was never bored, we always had something to do or go to.

I worked FT when my children were younger, I always wished i could be a SAHP at that time. My husband got a pay rise which meant in theory I could have given up work (child care etc breaking even etc) I made the decision to reduce my hours at that time to fit with school & nursery. Now they older I reduced my hours even more as they are no longer at nursery so don’t need to cover those costs.

For me personally I’m glad I’m kept one foot in the career door and am very lucky to have the work life balance I have & a husband who shares a lot of the drop offs/pick ups etc It gives me the opportunity to progress and stay current in the work I do (IT) & as the children get older I can be more flexible at work & give the extra time as needed.

I though will never judge another persons choice on what works for them.

I’d love it too. I’m on maternity leave at the moment and hating the thought of going back more than I can say. Every awful new story about nurseries gives me palpitations, the thought of being away from her is horrendous, my job has changed completely while I’ve been gone and my cover is about to quit from the stress of it.

I’m exactly the same. It’s more than 6 months away but I get a clunk of dread in my stomach every time I think about going back. I have a long commute and my job demands long hours. I can’t see how I’m going to make it work.

I know why women fought for the right to paid employment. But when I look at most working mothers I know, they’re run ragged - wage slaves as well as domestic slaves, basically. And I just think - this can’t be what feminism intended for us, can it? Forced into shelling out enormous sums of money for other women (who are often poorly paid) to look after our children? Shelling out yet more money simply to travel to workplaces where we’re frequently discriminated against for trying to balance work with parenting?

People say bring an SAHP is hard. Which it absolutely is but ‘hard’ doesn’t mean ‘bad’. People say it’s boring which it absolutely can be but most jobs are hardly exciting. And what’s more rewarding than watching the people you love most in the world grow up? What’s less rewarding than paying £20k a year to miss it?

I've been a SAHM since I got pregnant with twins. DH works long hours and is well paid. It was hard when the kids were small - we had no relatives around. I always find things to do, I like crafting, exercising, cooking, meet friends for coffee - always have time, rarely rush anywhere - I hate being busy, rushed and stressed. I work part-time from home now, started when the kids were in Year 10 - it's interesting, varied and occasionally boring but I work when I like - so it really doesn't impact on my lifestyle. I regret not putting money into my pension over the years so all my salary now goes to my pension but I don't regret staying at home.

I was a SAHM until DS started school. I found it easy but boring.

I work PT school hours now, best of both worlds for me and I love it. I realise I have one of those "gold dust" jobs though!

We’ve just decided I’m not returning to work after mat leave for dc3. I worked 4 days a week up til this point but my job involved travel and was such a juggle with two dc never mind three. I’m also the lower earner by a significant margin.
I completely agree it’s great to be with the kids more, no childcare stresses when one is ill, better contact with school etc.
I’m very nervous about trying to get back to work when that time comes though, and the added pressure on dh being the earner. I have financially secured myself in a way, by becoming a director in dh’s company so don’t feel quite so vulnerable, but I am used to earning my own money so it’s feeling a little alien at the moment.
It’s tough working or being a sahm I think, we all just muddle along!

It's very monotonous in the pre school years being a SAHM - there are lots of lovely bits too especially if you're lucky enough to make friends with other mums but I had to have an activity everyday or I'd have gone stir crazy. I also think it was hard on my marriage as i was resentful of dh and also on such a different page- that we didn't have much to talk about as our lives felt very different - I was at toddler groups, potato printing etc while he was in important meetings , progressing in his career getting lots of praise
It was hard to get back to work after a few years out
I'm now working part time - mornings are definitely the hardest bit and I dread the mornings the kids need to go to childminder although ironically on my day off we always leave late in a mad panic as I'm to chilled out in the morning
The after school till tea (now!) is always a drag as everyone is tired and grumpy and I end up wasting time on my phone rather than doing house jobs and then feel guilty for slobbing about - I often think if I worked longer hours I'd probably appreciate the time I had with the kids after work more than I do now and as I'm part time I end up doing majority of house and kids stuff compared to dh

TankGirl

I did likewise as a director of my ds business.
If you can back up with a few buzz words that's your cv sorted out for when you want to return to work.
I've just retired from sahm after 30 years and setting up my own business. Have the contacts from dh/ family business, same industry and raring to go.

PPs saying it’s boring or lonely. It is what you make of it. I love having the day to myself.
My cousin downsized so they could afford for her to stay at home. I’ve friends who went back to work “too soon” and had to leave their jobs because of taking too much time off when kids were poorly.
I wouldn’t change my position for the world, and I consider myself very fortunate.

@iwouldbuyyouadress the reason being my son is such an awful sleeper that I could not work any more

My ideal would be a 2-3 day a week job doing 9-2 with limited commute that is well paid and stimulating. Doesn’t really exist though. I’m on mat leave with no.2 and I think it’s a bit more reflective of sahm life than mat leave with my first. I’m a little bit more isolated but the logistics of our family life are much easier and less stressful. I think we’ll all be a bit sad when I go back to work and I’m very worried about juggling school and work rather than nursery at work.

Swings and roundabouts though really isn't it, it's a shame you can't go part time as it really can be the best of both worlds. I found being at home all of the time pretty mind numbing, and my DS loves being with other children during the day, they also do plenty of activities that we wouldn't be able to do here, just the 2 of us. I also was doing all of the housework, and I figured he lives here as well for goodness sake, so now it's shared and much better. But others will obviously prefer staying at home. If I won the lottery I obviously would, but for the extra financial stability and a better balance it works for us.

I used to be a SAHM and God I Miss it!! I had everything always organised, housework got done, was more relaxed and had less worrys if anyone wasnt well or had to do something and not have to worry about working around it. I gave up my perminant post as a healthcare worker and now do agency but its still stressfull trying to make money and balance it all. Sick of it to be honest. My children are only children once and feel so sad I cant be with them all the time and when I am, I am too pre occupied or tired to enjoy them at times!

I'm a SAHM. I don't understand when other people say it's harder than being at work. When you're at work you have all the same things to do that I do but instead you squeeze it into a few hours rather than a whole day. Sure there's not as much adult interaction. But it's not like you spend your working day chatting away and also you might not be spending time with adults you would choose to talk to! I think I'm really lucky to be able to stay at home. I'm really sorry that it's not something you've been able to choose to do!

I think honestly nobody has the balance. I'm a non driving sahm. My day goes like this.

Up at 6.30
Kids ready, one for school, one in pushchair
8.05 school run.
8.40 leave her at school
9.10 home
Wash up
Hoover
Do washing
Have dinner
Might go for a walk if it's not too cold
Might pop to the shop for essentials
2.40 coats on. Child in pushchair. Off on the school run
4.00pm home
5.00 tea
Then baths PJ's or the kids play and PJ's
7.30 partner gets home
8.00pm attempt to get child to bed

Repeat!

Honestly I wish I had help so I could work 12 hours a week. I wish I could have something more than a boring routine. But in my situation I can't. Luckily my partner works enough for me not to work. But I feel cut off. I can't get a job right now ask have nobody to have kids on the 13 weeks the eldest is not in school. Also my kids seem to get Ill every couple of months which would equal more time off.

I feel for you though.working full time is hard when you have kids. It's not fair and it's exhausting. It must be hard not having a couple of days home to be mummy in the way you want to be. The system sucks for alot of families. X

I loved being a SAHM and would be one again happily. I only work part time and am home in the afternoons but I'd rather not work. My husband likes m me working though and the extra money comes in handy. Unfortunately because I was a SAHM for so long my children and husband are lazy and I still have to do everything. It's a big part of why I hate working. I go to work, come home, clean, cook, take children to various activities, oversee homework, sort uniforms and packed lunches then collapse in bed. My husband comes home from work and sits on the sofa watching tv. That's why I preferred being a SAHM.

I'll swap too !