To wish I could be a SAHM

[iwouldbuyyouadress]

There is no way that this will ever happen. Even going part time is not an option.

But ah to not have to be charging around at 5:30 in the morning. To get home in the daylight. To see my child’s teacher. To not have to be cramming everything into the weekends. To attend baby and toddler groups with youngest and have ‘mum friends.’

Won’t happen.

Nice to think about though.

OP, what is stopping you? Is there a way you can work towards making it your goal?
Is there a huge mortgage you can downsize, or a lot of credit card debt, or items on finance?
Just wondering how far off you are.
Have you added up any childcare/wraparound care and commuting costs that you could save.

I have been a SAHM for what seems like forever, although I'm more or less retired now. I worked until DS was born, and was 10 years older than any other parent I met for years. I went back to work six months later with a nanny because my work required me to travel wherever I was wanted at short notice, which was fine until my nanny fell pregnant and had to go on mat leave early (pre-eclampsia) and didn't return because of PND. Then we had a run of temporary nannies, who were unreliable, until a lovely lass turned up. All the while my clients got younger and I couldn't hang out after work anymore as I WFH far from London. So at 50 I decided to retrain as a teacher, only for DH to fall ill before I started ITT. Two years later, I did qualify... just in time for Michael Gove to reduce my subject's weighting in the national curriculum. By this time, I was 53, and trust me, no one really wants an NQT that old. So now, I work PT in the family business and pick up all the odd jobs that keep the machine turning over, like elderly parents, gardening and dog walking. I was fortunate that the mortgage was paid off by the sale of my London flat, and that DH has been able to return to work and our business has grown steadily but slowly.

I sympathise with all those who find being the SAHP isolated and dull. If you can keep a toehold in the workplace, I think you are well-advised to do so. If you are working FT, I take my hat off to you.

I think working part time is my ideal. Full-time is too bloody stressful but I would miss it if I didn’t work at all

Did not for 2 years and then cracked and started my own childminding business. Been doing that for 4'years now and earn similar money.

It's hard work, but I'm at home and I have serious downtime when they're all in school. Holidays are a very different story.

I would hate being a SAHM. But I adore my job, and it's four days a week, term time only. If I was working crazy hours in a job I didn't care about I suppose I might well feel differently. OP, instead of pining for life as a SAHM could you focus on finding a job that's more enjoyable/flexible?

I am both I guess, I work from home from 9:30-1:30 which means I can do school runs, after school activities etc. It's manic but I feel so thankful that I can earn money and be with my children.

I was a SAHM for 2.5 years. I wouldn't have missed it but have now gone back to full time work. It is hard, but I'm enjoying being 'me' again and it's nice not to have a toddler hanging off me all day every day!

Ideally I would like to work part time but the option isn't there right now, although I do have flexible working.

There are pros and cons to both.

@BeatriceTheBeast, you say what I was trying to say: I am one of those SAHMs who could be potentially fucked

That is exactly what I am. Hence my mixed feelings about SAHM/WP now. I loved being a SAHM, and wouldn't change a second of it. But another part of me now wishes I had kept a toe in the door and wasn't now scraping around in the way I last did when I was a student.

YANBU. I have similar thoughts.
I work FT and have a toddler and a baby on the way. I constantly feel like I'm a terrible mummy and a terrible lawyer because I'm trying to balance the two. Toddler is in nursery 3 days and cared for by family 2 days but the feeling of doing an inadequate job in two places doesn't really ease for me.
I have thoughts that I'd love to be a SAHM but ultimately I don't like the idea of being financially dependent on my H. I like to know I can support myself and my DC if needed, plus knowing I will have a decent pension fund at the end of it. The income at the moment helps us live in a house with plenty of space and helps me to know that in time, the DC will be able to do the extra curricular activities without me stressing that we can't afford it etc.
But then equally I don't hate my job. It's reasonably interesting and I quite like having something to use my brain on. Also, I like being able to sit and drink a hot cup of tea, browse the news and talk with adults about stuff!

Oh OP I totally agree! I would LOOooVE to be a SAHM!

I'll just keep playing the lottery and wishing :)

Life is short. If you want to be around more for your kids then make changes.

Think about your pension instead....

Will balance it up for you OP. Working mother here with a full on busy career. I wouldn’t be a SAHM if I was offered a million quid. 6 months of maternity Leave last time drove me insane and this time dreading the even smaller leave. I started enjoying my son so much more once I ended Mat Leave. I was depressed and seriously not coping with staying at home and would never ever trade a day in my career to be a SAHM. For myself and my family. So many different perspectives....

I know the pension thing sounds a bit trite, but seriously, if you are a sAHM, what do you live off in retirement? I struggle to find my own pension, do you have to live off your husbands+ any state pension?

Fund not find

It’s not unreasonable at all. My mother in law to be went straight back to work after my fiancé was born as she was the main earner, after having my son I was a stay at home mum after having my son. I thought she might look down on it but she said she doesn’t blame me and wishes she could’ve had the opportunity. I just work in a tearoom 2 afternoons a week now to get me out of the house and have a bit of pocket money. I realise how lucky I am.

I do admire working mums. But being a stay at home mum is hard too. I want to go back to work desperately. I am raising two Dc with additional needs and my other half works long hours. Finding a job around it is impossible. The kids school don’t offer breakfast and after school clubs every day. Local child minders are full. My family can’t have them. It’s hard. My only option is to find a job in school hours but what about the holidays. What about when my children have a meeting, an appointment, a review? It’s blood hard. Also just had to go to one car as mine has broken so I couldn’t even get to a job at the minute (live in the middle of nowhere with barely any public transport)

I am at home most days during the week pottering around the house. I don’t see anyone, I don’t have many friends where I live. It’s boring and it sucks. I feel like I don’t contribute or have a person in life. But hey ho.

If thats what you want, make it happen

If thats what you want, make it happen

Ha! We live in an expensive part of the country and my DH has a very expensive ex wife so it’s not that simple for a lot of people.

There are trade-offs all around on the subject. It's much harder if you don't have an accredited professional qualification to your name. If you're a qualified accountant, or lawyer, or teacher, or doctor/nurse, then it's a lot simpler to slot into a firm or practice part-time. If you're in a creative industry, or self-employed, rather less so. Without good skills and a proven track record, the options are slender and generally poorly paid, especially in rural areas.

I never wish I was a SAHM - I like working. I sometimes wish I worked fewer hours but what I really wish for is that DH was a SAHP. He's a teacher so at home with DS every holiday and it's bliss getting up, not having to get DS ready or do childcare drop-off/pick-up and knowing DS is chilling at home all day. Being the working parent with a SAHP at home is an absolute piece of piss.

I'm about to become a SAHM! I'm so excited! My DC are 14, 13 and 10...with our little surprise baby due in January. I'm in Australia and our maternity packages are awful, so I've just decided to leave my job for good and (I joke!) retire! I'm going to take at least 5 years out anyway! 2 weeks to go until the end of the semester (I'm a university lecturer). I've genuinely never been more excited, I hope it will live up to my expectations!

It's mostly a case of grass is always greener when comparing SAHM vs WOHM. I loved every minute of both my maternity leaves and - like some others on here was dreading going back to the point I seriously considered leaving after having my eldest but had worked so so hard to get to a certain point in my career and didn't want to loose that so I moved to a part time post at another NHS trust. With hindsight, it is definitely the best thing I ever did. Financially, I had paid maternity when I had my second and a part time job to return to. Practically, I would have struggled as my eldest became a toddler and needed constant stimulation and entertainment.

Also, being a SAHM is so much harder with financial constraints. We are extremely fortunate that my PT income moves us from managing to being financially comfortable so I can afford to take the children wherever I want on my days with them without considering how we will pay for it. If I increase my hours, private education is an option which it certainly wouldn't be if I was not working.

All mums are wonderful, whichever they choose to do. They all put their families before themselves and make the decisions they feel will best suit their circumstances. Nothing wrong with wishing you could have the other - just remind yourself the grass isn't always greener when in their shoes. They will have their own challenges and difficulties too

Everything is what you make it and of course ££ helps too.
I was sham by happy forced situation really not choice.
I had no money though so toddler groups were a godsend. Very cheap.
Couldn't afford nct, couldn't drive...
I made it my job to buy the best food for as cheaply as possible, I had a wonderful wave set up of reductions in the shops eg marks 2pm, tesco 4pm etc.
No holidays, no hair cuts, no home extensions, one v cheap and cheap to run car, everything pretty much sourced second hand or free for us, house and dc, everything I got money off...brought damaged paint tins and so on. Our costs before baby were v low anyway.
It's rather galling sometimes when people with far greater expenses, new extension, holiday to florida, jazzy hair cuts, expensive dyes, etc say '' oh arnt you lucky to afford to stay at home! I have to work!! ''.

I'm back at work now after 8 years and it's wonderful, those years at home were quite gruelling at times, v lonely sometimes, isolating, no money... But they went so quickly.

Tesco club card vouchers were our godsend. We accessed days out we would never have been able to afford. Esp zoos and places like that.
We used tesco credit card, did some shops there used their petrol where possible and family members sometimes sold us their points.