To not invite his new girlfriend to our wedding?

[Talkthirty2me]

My DP’s brother got divorced a couple of years ago and since then he has had several failed relationships.
The first one of which came to stay with us for DS’s christening, which was fine but I felt it added stress having someone I didn’t know stay when I was trying to organise the christening and I felt the whole his parents meeting her for the first time overshadowed the fact it was DS’s christening. That only lasted about 6 months and then he got with another around Christmas time. He was due to spend Christmas with us and his parents at our house (he lives 200 miles away from us and his parents live abroad) but as he had got with her he chose not to come up and have Christmas with us, which upset his mum. Again they split.
We get married in 6 months and we haven’t invited a few partners if we haven’t met them, as space is limited and it’s around £70 a head. I posted on Facebook that I’m sorry if people only get a night invite and explained why. DP’s brother rang him to say he had seen my status and does this mean he hasn’t got a plus one (he’s been with this current one only a few weeks) DP said we would consider if we had the space, he is still with this current one and we have all met her prior to the wedding. He said to DP that he just won’t come then if she isn’t allowed in so many words and that we won’t get chance to meet her first as he has no work holidays . I can tell he’s upset about it and feel like saying well just invite her then but it’s almost like giving in to him.
Advice?

@Aridane No as he’s had that many in the past year or so I would probably call her by the wrong one anyway after a few drinks!

@ChaosisntapitChaosisaladder19 *your

I would give him a plus one for the whole day, lay back because he’s the grooms brother and it’s nice to be nice to family.

'is that if the family haven’t met her - the wedding will be the big meeting of them first being introduced to her and a lot of attention will be on her. As it was at the christening with the last bird.
It’s my wedding day dammit!'

Bloody hell

You sound like proper hard work

Terrified yet again of all attention not being on you.

I'd spare them the invites

Poor sods

I think his dad referred to his last girlfriend who he ditched them for at Christmas as his “latest tart” and his mum didn’t argue it.. so even they have said similar terms

Your post sums up how deranged some weddings have become £70 per person for a meal .

Last wedding in went to was a hog roast in a barn . Loads of family and friends .

I really don’t get it is supposed to be a celebration of life not family divides.

It isn’t a failed relationship . Just marriage broke down, good for him he isn’t staying in a relationship that doesn’t work.

@MarthasGinYard I am hard work, and after 8 years they all know that! If I’m not allowed to be hard work when it comes to my wedding though, I’m not sure when I am.
I would actually rather he bring a friend to be honest as then at least we are more likely to have met them and meet them again.

@Talkthirty2me
And there we have it! Don’t be so fucking ignorant.

@Soontobe60 I think at your age you should no better than to swear! You’re double my age woman.

@Starlight456 I wasn’t referring to his marriage as a failed relationship, and my mistake if I wrote that as I did. I really liked his wife and we got on well. It’s the several relationships he has had since, where one day they are talking babies after 3 months and a week later they have split up I am talking about.

Invite her, they will probably have split up long before. Ignore on the day.
Anyone with a modicum of upbringing or good manners would ensure that they stayed well in the background.

I think it's really rude not to give all close family a +1. Very snobby towards him, not every relationship is the one - it's normal to date people for 6 months and then move on a few times. It's hardly a new one every week

@Starlight456 looking back I would have looked around more and added numbers before we decided.
We booked this place as the owners are clients of my DP, they offered a slight discount and at the time 65 day guests sounded plenty. We didn’t look at other venues and it isn’t overly grand compared to some, it just seemed like the place to choose as it’s local and as I said DP knows the owners. But we have paid the deposit and hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I wouldn't invite randoms to my wedding. It's your day, do it how you want.

@LadyLanka that’s a very good point made, thank you. You would hope so wouldn’t you!

@QueenoftheBiscuitTin Thank you!

Schindler's list?

@Felicitycity Huh?

I've been to loads of weddings of people I don't know as my husband's plus one (lots too when I was 'just' his girlfriend). It's completely normal in mine and his family and all our friends. Weddings are a fantastic place for people to meet new people- I mean, people sit in silence through the ceremony and speeches so how can her being there keep it from being all about you?

I guess it just comes down to how different people view weddings. If I had so many people who I wanted to let know on Facebook that they were so important to me and that I had really wanted them at my wedding but couldn't because of space then I would just have booked a wedding that wasn't £70ph and could seat more people.

But then my wedding wasn't about the expensive venue and meal for a select few and all eyes being in me; it was a fab party with every single person we cared about celebrating with us all day, families, friends and strangers coming together, getting to know each other and having a -drink- laugh.

^That's obviously not your priority, so each to their own. Don't invite her, cause a rift with BIL and have beautiful photos to look back on of your perfect day that don't include her (or him).

I think you are either inviting plus ones or you aren't, regardless of whether you've met them or not. You've said you're not inviting your nephews plus ones purely because you've only met them a couple of times! What if any of them get married in the interim do you differentiate then? I think YABU.

Somebody said that one of their guests with a red dress turned up on every photo like something off Schindlers list. Just s bit odd.

@Podemos I’m not sure if you have read any of my comments but I actually wasn’t bothered about a fancy venue. We didn’t even look around any others. We chose this as they are one of my partner’s clients, they offered a small discount so we went for it. When she said it seats 65 it sounded plenty but we should have sat and added to number first. Again hindsight and wonderful things.

I am hard work, and after 8 years they all know that! If I’m not allowed to be hard work when it comes to my wedding though, I’m not sure when I am.

You said that about being selfish too. 'My' wedding - just yours by the sounds of things ...

@TARSCOUT I agree we maybe should have said plus ones or not. My nephews are only 20 and I’m pretty sure that marriage isn’t on the cards! My sister and dad both said don’t bother inviting them.
@Felicitycity ahh ok, yes bit of an unusual comparison.

@SpiderCharlotte Thing is - DP has his own mind, very much so in fact, and he agrees with me? In that she only gets an invite if it’s the same one and we’ve all met her prior.