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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MIL from hell has arrived...yet again!

242 replies

Mumto2two · 11/11/2019 14:29

MIL has just dropped another one of her surprise long-distance extended visits, having sworn to ex-communicate her after the last.
She is the classic covert narcissist. Makes you feel guilty about disliking her as she always wants to 'help', but really just wants to interfere and control, and goes all ice-maiden when not dancing to her tune.
She has no regards for our plans or our privacy, (walks into our bedroom without knocking, barged into our private shower room this morning and caught me starkers. Didn't flinch or apologize, just demanded to know when I would be ready) has an air of entitled grandiosity, and expects us to dance to her tune at all times. She also makes it very clear, that her son is golden child, and I don't pander to him enough. She now has the hump as we have a weekend away booked from over two months ago (she arrived last weekend with 2 days notice of her arrival), and is unhappy that we are not cancelling our plans for her. She had assumed that we could either, add her in, or not go at all, and having endured insults, (eg, told me I was fat enough to miss the odd dinner, when she wanted me to go somewhere before we had eaten-btw I am 7 stone!) sulks, bad moods and pushy behaviour..for 7 days flat...I am done with this control freak. Please tell me how you would deal with this woman...before I say something I might very much regret..

OP posts:
MonsterKidz · 11/11/2019 14:32

I’d say something id very much regret later!! But I am hot tempered in that kind of situation.

Could you have DH take her out and talk to her?

luckygreeneyes · 11/11/2019 14:33

When is she leaving? How far away is home? What is your DH saying?

GruciusMalfoy · 11/11/2019 14:34

Why is your husband allowing his mother to act like this in your home? I wouldn't be under the same roof as her. She can get a hotel or go home.

SheRaTheAllPowerful · 11/11/2019 14:34

God how long have you been putting up with her? I’d move house and not tell her the new address!

Areyoufree · 11/11/2019 14:34

Would you regret it though? It might mean she doesn't come back!

LagunaBubbles · 11/11/2019 14:35

What did you say after she walked in on you in the shower?

Justmuddlingalong · 11/11/2019 14:35

You're pissing against the wind trying to reason with her. Could you open the front door, point and just say "out?" Or is that going too far? 💐

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 11/11/2019 14:36

How would I deal with her? I'd kick her out of my house and expect my DH to back me up. If he didn't I'd kick him out too.

LagunaBubbles · 11/11/2019 14:37

Anyway I should have added its your DH that's letting her talk and act like this. If my MIL had called me fat then DH would have dealt with that!

NoSauce · 11/11/2019 14:37

Bloody hell fire. Now this is one MIL that should be in the Airbnb!

ODFOx · 11/11/2019 14:37

I'd book a hotel and move out for a few days to cool off .

Sexnotgender · 11/11/2019 14:38

Can you go and stay elsewhere until she is gone? Leave your husband to deal with her.

DeadDoorpost · 11/11/2019 14:38

@SheRaTheAllPowerful you got there before me! 😂 that was my first thought

nibdedibble · 11/11/2019 14:38

Id have very, very coldly told her repeatedly to please leave my bathroom and that we can talk when she is ready.

I'd also have very coldly told her that my weight is none of her business.

Your DH has got a job ahead of him, I hope you are able to make the clear.

crochetandshit · 11/11/2019 14:38

I'd say something and not regret it.

BumbleBeee69 · 11/11/2019 14:39

Why is your husband allowing his mother to act like this in your home?

This....

Aquamarine1029 · 11/11/2019 14:39

I would say anything I want and not regret a word of it. To be frank, you and your husband sound like mugs. You just stand there and allow this horrible woman to treat you like shit in your own home? She barges into your bedroom and bathroom and there's no consequences? Are you a scared little 5 year old?

KICK HER OUT OF YOUR HOME.

Put an end to this madness right now. It is ridiculous that you are tolerating her barely announced visits and her terrible behaviour. At this point, the only one to blame for making you miserable is yourself.

DartmoorDoughnut · 11/11/2019 14:40

Yeah just tell her to fuck off or every time she insults you say the exact same thing back to her aka “I’m too fat? I was just thinking the same thing about you, how odd”

MelissaCortezsPastry · 11/11/2019 14:41

Why would you regret saying something? Why does your Dh allow her to treat you this way?

I would have told her to fuck off especially at the miss a meal comment.

Why do you allow her into your home? Just because someone is family doesn't mean they get to treat you like shit. Let this be the last time she is allowed to visit. Your Dh needs to stop her, if he doesn't you have a Dh problem as well as a MIL one.

Just go non-contact. Go onto the relationships board and see how many other people are either low contact or non-contact. Why on earth would you put up with this? So what if she tells people what a horrible person you are, who cares?

Contraceptionismyfriend · 11/11/2019 14:41

YABU.
You're a grown up. Why are you putting up with this? Do something. Say something. But don't sit there miserable and play woe is me when you have the power to stop this.

TheDuchessofDukeStreet · 11/11/2019 14:41

Op, at the very least get a lock on your bedroom and bathroom doors.

DartmoorDoughnut · 11/11/2019 14:41

Or if she walks into your bedroom/bathroom just scream fuck off at her. Seriously she’s rude as fuck just be rude back

eternallybaffled · 11/11/2019 14:42

Why would you not repack her bag, set it on the doorstep and boot her out behind it?????

BiddyPop · 11/11/2019 14:42

Tell her that you already have plans, she had not asked before booking, and that she will need to leave before next weekend as you cannot accommodate her beyond that.

Although I would definitely have a word with DH before that, and make sure he is on board as well.

She can be as unhappy as she likes, but she cannot DEMAND that you accommodate her, she has her own house (somewhere) and shouldn't have bought tickets to travel a long distance for an extended stay without agreeing it with the hosts first.

MummyJasmin · 11/11/2019 14:43

What an absolute bitch.

Tell your man to grow some and sort her out.

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