MIL from hell has arrived...yet again!

[Mumto2two]

MIL has just dropped another one of her surprise long-distance extended visits, having sworn to ex-communicate her after the last.
She is the classic covert narcissist. Makes you feel guilty about disliking her as she always wants to 'help', but really just wants to interfere and control, and goes all ice-maiden when not dancing to her tune.
She has no regards for our plans or our privacy, (walks into our bedroom without knocking, barged into our private shower room this morning and caught me starkers. Didn't flinch or apologize, just demanded to know when I would be ready) has an air of entitled grandiosity, and expects us to dance to her tune at all times. She also makes it very clear, that her son is golden child, and I don't pander to him enough. She now has the hump as we have a weekend away booked from over two months ago (she arrived last weekend with 2 days notice of her arrival), and is unhappy that we are not cancelling our plans for her. She had assumed that we could either, add her in, or not go at all, and having endured insults, (eg, told me I was fat enough to miss the odd dinner, when she wanted me to go somewhere before we had eaten-btw I am 7 stone!) sulks, bad moods and pushy behaviour..for 7 days flat...I am done with this control freak. Please tell me how you would deal with this woman...before I say something I might very much regret..

This has to be a wind-up. OP you know what the solution is!

I wondered the same ... OP keeps posting about MIL's impossible behaviour, but nothing ever seems to get done (despite many other posts saying PPs should be firmer with theirs, insist on their DHs' support and much else)

We all need a rant at times and there's nothing wrong with that, but what do you want us to say OP?

If my MIL had deliberately barged into my ensuite I'd have already said something I'd not regret. Such as FFS woman have you no boundaries this is my private space and is out of bounds to you get out now before I throw you out the front door.

If necessary get a lock on your bedroom door and don't give DH the key - make him ask you to let him in

You most definitely have a DH problem too and you need to sort them both out. DH needs to get his priorities straight.
Go for your weekend away and if she is still going to be there when you get back go and stay with someone else and leave your DH to it.

don't use swear words, don't shout - this is what she wants. Find a passive aggressive revenge you can dish on her instead. A very nasty one.

I would say something every single time that she insults you or says something unpleasant. If that didn't knock it on the head after 2 days I would tell DH that either MIL goes or you go.

It's on another thread. I'm on the app so just searched the OPs name.

Wrong thread sorry 😑

Get your DH to man up and tell her to leave. Pack her bag and throw it out the window if necessary.

does she own the house you live in

She wouldn’t be coming back I’m afraid

Why didn't you just tell her she couldn't come?

We have said no before, and after a few talks from DH, she had started to give us more notice. Last year’s two visits were horrendous, and she left on awkward terms. This time she has managed to emotionally blackmail DH by saying she had to visit short notice to see her sister as her husband was gravely ill and it has been sooo long she’d love to see us too. Turned out neither was true. If anyone knows the traits of a covert narcissist, you’ll know how charming they can be, they can make you feel guilty for doubting them...they love to ‘help’...as it means they have control over you and your life.
We don’t have a bedroom door lock, and it’s at the end of a corridor so not exactly easy to accidentally open...and our en-suite has no lock either. This is something she feels is ok to do. She never knocks. We are in our 50s and this awful woman violates my space and makes me feel like a helpless teenager! Crazy I know, but I honestly am at my wits end with her.

OP Can you not agree red lines with your husband and sit her down to talk them through? EG, she comes with more notice when you've agreed it and gives you fair warning? And that she doesn't come into your bedroom or shower? I would have done that if it was my DM or DMil.

Stop moaning and make her leave.
Seriously. It's zero tolerance time.

How old is MIL? Is she in good health?

I agree puzzled, and yes you are right. There is not a lot anyone can say. I’m just so incredulous that she has feigned someone being on their deathbed, to worm her way back into our home. After the last visit I honestly thought that would be it, and DH had stepped up to her in a way like never before, so I just cannot believe we are here again. I’m sorry to rant, and MIL rants are two a penny these days, I know that

Are you leaving her in your house when you go away?

ok ..OP next time she is rude or barges in or anything you do not like then you politely and calmly say..excuse me MIL you are a guest in MY home please show some respect or I will have to cut this visit short and call you a taxi...be calm be firm be icily polite and then carry on as you were....make her feel small OP ....

You have every right to ask her to leave tomorrow based on those horrendous lies. Really lose your rag.

I’m sure I’ve read your threads before about this woman. I didn’t realise you’re in your 50’s! Honestly, this is the time to grow a back bone. I did with my mother after some brilliant therapy....

Why can you not just ask her to leave? She’s clearly not short of a few bob. She can visit her sister or any other random faux sick people or stay in a hotel in Timbuktu.

Hmmm, so she lied to boot. So the reason for her visit doesn't exist. I'd turn around and say 'I don't like liars. You're leaving tomorrow morning lady, with or without your luggage. I've had enough'.

And I'd say to DH - you back me up on this one or your life will not be worth living.

Why not call her out on the lie?!

'MIL why would you say Brian* was on his death bed when he's really not?'

Tell her she needs to leave now. She's lied to her son, telling him his uncle was gravely ill, and behaved badly since arriving. Will her sister have her?

Tell her she can pack her own things now, if she likes, or you will pack for her and leave it outside the front door. She probably isn't used to being stood up to.

Have you pulled her up on the lies? Her whole reason for being there is based on an untruth.

Well, she's seen you now so no need to stay any longer as it's not working.

She can go see her sister!

Enjoy your weekend away! Can you extendit and stay away until she's gone?... can you get dh to speak to her about privacy and how it is absolutely not ok to behave that way?