...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

Just choose this furniture you want?
If they are genuinely so large they break something, then they replace it and/or bring their own special chairs and blow up beds next time?

If they are DH’s friends (That you don’t particularly like/not like) from university and he arranges to meet outside your house more often, how frequently are they actually coming to stay?

I would buy the furniture I wanted.

But the furniture you want. They break it, they pay for it.

I would buy the furniture I wanted and get a couple of bean bags for them or meet outside of the house. No way would I let this dictate my furnishing choices in my home.

We don't have the space for extra furniture, although I'd love to have a special room for visitors with weight-friendly furniture. Maybe the next time we move ;)

You are seriously thinking of allowing people who visit occasionally to dictate how you decorate the house you live in? For goodness sake...... your DH may fall out with them next week. Buy what you bloody well want

Buy the furniture. There is no way I'd be putting up with that. It is their problem and their problem alone. They'll have to bring beanbags or airbeds with them next time they visit.

I am big and I say fuck that😮
No way would I ever think anyone should choose their furniture wolith my weight in mind. If I break it, I pay for replacement🤷 Like if it were my own

Gosh just arrange to meet them elsewhere.

Weird thought process OP. Buy the furniture you want. I’m sure in the unlikely event the friends break something, they’d be mortified enough to pay. Or if not, you DH would have to replace for you.

Their visits are so infrequent, and I’d imagine they are so conscious of their weight, I find it hard to see it as an issue that requires you to buy special equipment!

When they have broken or damaged any of your furniture have they offered to replace?

Did they offer to pay when they broke your bench? Family I might be this concerned about accommodating, friends not so much. Can you get what you want and get a couple of reinforced dining chairs to put out when they come?

Getting furniture that will inevitably crash under them sooner or later sounds a little cruel?

Plus, going by previous experience, the sofa and chairs etc would become a little wonky first (e.g. sofa seat flattened, chairs wobbling,...) which I would have to live with for more time then they do.

Would people really ask someone to bring their own seat along if there are sufficient chairs in the house?

Is this just a weird way to shame overweight people? Who chooses their dining room furniture due to friend’s weights and then posts about it on a forum? Get over yourself op.

Loving the idea of a separate fat room, that should put them off visiting!

That's some sort of weird thought process going on there OP.

As a morbidly obese person, yep
I'm admitting that on the internet, I wouldn't expect a friend or family member to make 'weight friendly' choices. Buy the furniture you love. Your friends are aware of their weight, they need to cater for themselves.

You sound like a lovely person, but don't try too hard. You can't put yourself out for other people's life choices.

I can’t believe anyone actually thinks like this

Ok sounds goady af but top marks for originality. Furniture as a way to have a go at fat people is certainly new.

How often are they visiting?

The only thing I factor into my furniture choices are if I can afford it, if I like it and if it will withstand two boys under 10. No one outside my house is considered.

You should put them up in a hotel.

I don't think the the OP is being a twat really as her furniture will be damaged by this. As she says, it probably won't be a catastrophic breakage the first time it is used but damage will occur. My sofa has done this just where a particular person sits. Other chairs I steer them away from. The guests are unlikely to replace the furniture. I think.

A special room with weight friendly furniture 😂😂

Poor op, what an awful dilemma. What if they didn't offer to pay for expensive furniture or offer to replace it? Did they offer to replace the shoe rack?.

I'm about 4 stone over weight myself, I'd hate to think someone else had to factor in my weight when buying furniture.

Maybe this is what they need to hear to spur them into action. Share your dilemma with them and say you can only accommodate them on the floor! Assuming they don't want to have to pay for new furniture!!

I’m my experience, people who are of the size you are talking about tend to find the chair they are comfortable using and know will support them (usually a dining chair) and just use that rather than go around breaking people’s sofa’s, garden furniture and shoe benches. If they were worried that the overnight provision would be inadequate, then they wouldn’t stay.

I have literally never heard of someone having friends that routinely break their furniture because they are too fat

The visit about anywhere from twice a week to once a month, depending on how busy everyone is. No need for a hotel, except for days when public transport is off. The friends in question don't drive, so DH gives them a lift - that is usually only Hogmanay, though, hence why i have just looked at air beds.