...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

LagunaBubbles yet plenty of other overweight people have.

Them being fat should not influence your home this much. Fuck them.

Yabu I'm not that fat but no way would I sit on someone's fragile antique chair. It's totally unreasonable expecting you to buy special furniture for them. As one poster said stop inviting them over to stay and say it's not convenient. They will have to stay in a bit and b or meet them elsewhere and tell your husband he has to lump it.

Sorry I meant yANBU

I just wish I could have ordered the pretty chairs I really liked but which had armrests that were too narrow.

You could and you know it.

This thread is ridiculous.

Surely if the worst comes to the worst and they do break furniture you could just claim on your house insurance? Cheaper than replacing furniture.

OP I'm with you. I am very fond of my FIL but he's a very large man so when buying new bar stools for the kitchen we deliberately didn't buy those with arm rests and paid a bit more to make sure they were super sturdy. I want him to feel comfortable but also don't want to be worried that the chair will break if he visits and sits down. There is now a whole industry around furniture, ambulances etc for larger people so it makes sense in our homes we will need to consider the same issue.

Catch yourself on, you absolute lunatic. Buy furniture you want. This is such a weird thread.

Such a stupid post. As if anyone has the same friends round often enough to make all these situations a real issue. If you don't like them because they're fat they will be well aware and will probably stop visiting anyway.

Sorry but this thread is insane I'm imagining all kinds of scenarios now.

Next time they come over, put a marquee up in the garden and say to the fattest one, ‘Now don’t get excited - I haven’t bought you a new dress! This is for you and the other porkers to sit in! I’m sick of you wrecking my delicate little chairs, so I’ve decided you have to stay on the lawn. I’ll bring you out a big trough of egg and chips while the rest of us nibble on petit-fours. You never know, it could work out well - I’ve always wanted a sunken garden! Ha ha ha!’

That’ll learn ‘em. Greedy fuckers.

I totally get where you’re coming from OP. You can’t just buy the Furniture you want and say “if they break it they replace it” because the breaks won’t happen instantly and obviously. It will be a gradual wearing of the joints and supports that makes the furniture unstable and it could even break when you sit on it in your friends’ absence but it would be due to the constant excess weight being on it. And also, it’s 6 different people so you couldn’t assign the “blame” to just one couple when it does eventually give way. (Not that you wouldn’t even hand them the bill if you could be sure who broke it) Very frustrating situation and I’m not sure what the solution is, if there’s is one.

Well one thing - don't buy the airbed! That's just a waste of money, it'll pop after a couple of uses. What is your storage space like? I'd be thinking of two futon mattresses that you could lay on the floor and roll and store when not in use, if you have eg an attic. Or some other kind of sofa bed thing which is on the floor - not suspended on a frame, if for example you have a playroom/spare room/office where it can live when no visitors. The kind of thing which is just a fold out modular thing if you know what I mean?

My chunky ex husband broke my mum's expensive antique chair. Just threw himself down on it and it collapsed. My mum was furious. He didn't give a shot and refused to pay for it. And that's the thing. Most people don't give a shot if they break your stuff.

I just googled, start with 'mattress cube' and youll see what I mean.

Why do they come so often??

Mmmm this is strange....are you telling me they full well just lounge on your shot knowing they will probably break it?....and a sofa to fit Multiple obese people made me lol. I mean come on? Tbh though a woman on my street who is around the same weight was walking down her stairs and they collapsed! So going forward you are probably right and may be an idea to stairgate your stairs off when they visit as well.
Probably just get some bean bags for the living room, and it's winter so gardens safe for now.

Hello - as a fatty, I would love to know how you check sofa weight limits? I have been looking for a new sofa for a while and it has been a constant worry.... sorry to derail.

I would like to say you sound an amazing friend. Being large is humiliating. But you are
Going above and beyond, but I get why. You want your stuff to last

Well this is a different take on the weekly fat thread. I have to give OP credit for creativity.

'He has lighter friends, too, and some of his obese friends were skinny when they met.'

I think your DP could be a secret 'feeder'

Watch out

Just don't give them a lift from the station. Oh, and YABU.

I agree with pp who suggested church pews for seating.

Are people that are overweight due to lifestyle choices more likely to break furniture than those who are overweight for medical reasons OP? Because otherwise I fail to see how that piece of info. was relevant at all.

I'm morbidly obese. I'm always hyper aware of being careful around other people's furniture. I have never caused damage but I always try and put some thought into the mist suitable chair, for example.

That said, we have standard ikea dining chairs - I'm in theory "too heavy" for them but 5 years of daily use later and they're doing fine! I chose them as they fitted with the room rather than anything else - I've certainly never considered buying "special fat person furniture". Garden chairs can be a bit uncomfortable and dig into my thighs - they're definitely sturdy enough though. I see that as my problem for being fat and would never expect anyone to take that into consideration in their house

This is the strangest thing I've read in a while.