...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

The OP isn't fat shaming people FGS

I know exactly where she is coming from. My sister is very overweight and cannot gently lower herself onto the settee. She throws herself down, and has already broken one settee at our house.

This is a very real concern. Would you really spend £££ on new furniture knowing that there is a very high risk of it being broken?

I don't care what size my sister is but I don't want her breaking my furniture.

Who seriously bases their choice of dining chairs on whether a few overweight people who occasionally visit might sit on them???? This smacks of being a completely made up, goady, fat-shaming post, designed to wind people up on a Sunday morning. Nice try, OP. 👏

Are you buying very cheap furniture? Maybe strip put furniture, reinforce the floorboards and cover the walls in mirrors. Serve only water with a squeeze of lemon juice. That will sort them out. Greedy souls expecting to sit down.

What an odd and intrinsically unkind way of thinking.

My SIL is over 20 stones and I've never noticed her furniture being particularly reinforced and she frequently stays with friends and family without incident.

No, it isn't goady Whiskers

I sell office chairs among other things, and believe me, weight limits on chairs, especially the gaslift ones is a very real "thing".

Ginfordinner Office chairs I can imagine. Someone choosing an expensive dining room chair or sofa purchase based on the weight requirements of occasional visitors? Nah.

It is embarrassing to see one of your fine dining chairs reduced to fire wood under the ass of a fat friend.
We just found another chair and carried on with the meal. But she didn't come to the house again.

OP is not having a go, she is being overly considerate of the overweight friends.

The priority should be to choose furniture that you love.

The friends are not permanent members of your household.

I would not arrange my furniture over 2 overweight friends. Buy what you like, they break it they replace it.

Absolutely exclude fat people from your home and from your friendship group.

We wouldn't want to know you anyway.

"Jeez I hope your ‘friends’ realise what a twat you are and visit someone else"

Well then Op could have the furniture that she wants!

Having a heavy DH has dictated our garden furniture choice! The lovely dainty chairs I like had a weight limit that was only 17st!

One of my friends broke a chair.
She said it felt wobbly when she sat in it, but that wasn't the issue.

She didn't replace it either. She said she would, but didn't. My ds, 7 at the time, burst out laughing and she was more pissed about that.

Twice a week-wow! Even my parents who line round the corner don’t visit that often!

It's not weird at all.
Friend of mine had delicate antique suite and he said he cringed everytime his tall well built (certainly not) obese friend threw himself down into the chair and eventually it did split the wood and cracked it. So now he has sturdy proper modernised sofas.

These people visit on a regular basis.

Op my car is older and I'm mindful about the weight and suspension, I'm no lithe chicken myself... I'm probably the fastest person I know but I have tall well built friends...

Did you have to choose a car for the same reasons if your DH gives them lifts?

Thanks, @RaininSummer. Yeah, that is my point. When DH and i moved in together, I had furniture that i bought without keeping people's weight in mind. The sofa lasted half a year and it was not cheap. The hinges on the armrest gradually became undone and the cushions went flat in no time, precisely were our heavier friends tend to sit - nowhere else.

When the shoebench broke, one of them was sitting on it and there was a loud crack. We kept chatting as normal and when I checked, one of the legs had broken.

Gaslift chairs are another one I kept their weight in mind, as we roll DH's office chair into the living room for extra seating when we have a lot of people around.

And it takes so much more research than just going online and buying what I/we like.

My next door neighbour has broken two of my chairs, so I get it. Never were replaced. I'd look like an insensitive twat if I'd asked for the money to replace them, so I just don't invite him round anymore.

It's not fat shaming. I agree it is an issue. I have a friend who is very, very overweight and who visits about once a year. I worry about the shower tray breaking - which would be a very expensive fix. I have a tiny little car (all I can afford), and last time she stayed I really worried about the suspension on the passenger side. After she left a warning light came on. Panic, panic and checked the manual - it was the tyre pressure that had reduced to a dangerous level on that side. At home she drives a huge 4x4 that can take her weight.

I love her dearly, but having her to stay with me does cause these stresses.

OP, I don't think you're being goady, I have a BIL like this, who in the past, has broken 3 chairs on us like this, so I know exactly where you're coming from. And No, he didnt offer to replace them, just moved to another chair

Out of interest those riling against op, would YOU happily replace a new chair you broke at 400 quid?

I can barley afford new chairs in my own sitting room let alone forking out someone else's furniture?

Buy the furniture you want and stop them from visiting? Meet them at a cafe/restaurant, or their own place. You can still see them but I don't see the point in hosting people that will break your belongings and not replace them.