...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

Sparing the feelings of fat and obese people is the opposite of being kind and caring. We accept people shouldn't smoke and have all kinds of assistance and public health campaigning to encourage people to stop smoking. We show the effects of smoking in public health films. We should be doing the same about the effects of unhealthy eating.

People like you don't really care about the "health" of fat people though do you?

They consume less of the planets resources the thinner the person the more enormous their SUV.

This is definitely a real issue, I have obese family members and I'm overweight btw. But when I was a child, a friend of mine was morbidly obese and sat on my single bed and broke it.

People like you don't really care about the "health" of fat people though do you?
I do care, haven't you read my posts about my own prior health concerns? I do not have an SUV, I have a very old car.

Just to update, not one but two of our "up to 190KG individual user weight" dinner chairs broke on the weekend under the weight of two of DHs friends. I suspect the men in question are just over 30st so I guess there goes my warranty.

No replacement offered, they asked about the guarantee and were visibly embarrassed ("clearly faulty", "manufacturers fault"). We went along with it, this is not the hill I or DH want to die on.

I officially give up. The only alternative would be to get "proper" bariatric furniture and we neither like the price nor look of that.

So that is, no more social gatherings with them at ours. DH is understandably sad about that and my feelings are mixed, somewhere between relief, sadness, and anger. I feel sorry for them to go through this but I also am at my wits end of how to deal with this. It simultaneously makes we want to cry and scream.

So everyone who said "buy the stuff you like, meet elsewhere" you were right. That will be it from here on. I feel horrible about it but we are out of options.

I cant believe they didnt offer to replace them

I think that at least now you will be able to stop socialising at home and just stick to meeting up elsewhere. It's better a full on break than wear and tear that would be brushed off.

I’m sorry but when do people reach the end point and decide to get control of their eating and exercise? Surely well before you end up breaking people’s furniture? I just can’t imagine how people can let themselves get so large?

I have friends that weight and considerably more and other than liking dining chairs with no arms (and I hate arms myself anyway) there is no need to provide them with special furniture. There's never been an issue and no one has broken anything. But get several rambunctious 6 year olds together and its amazing what furniture they can break....

Posted that before you posted about the broken dining chairs. I was responding to when you said his friends were 21 stone.

I have never known any of the overweight people I have come across to offer to replace broken furniture. My experience echoes yours OP, they tend to blame the manufacturer, the quality of the furniture, wear and tear and when items snap under their weight, it simply becomes an incredibly embarrassing situation for everyone involved. People like OP find they are too embarrassed to press for replacements or repairs and the overweight people tend to be in complete denial about the impact their weight has on everyday items of furniture.
Ime, the cost of replacing or repairing said items of furniture comes down to the owner.
I agree that the best way forward is to meet your DH's friends outside of your home, but how are you going to broach this with them? Wont they eventually suggest visiting you, since it has been such a regular part of your socialising? How do you expect to avoid them coming to your house again long term?