...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

-

• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

@Quetiapina I hope things get better for you soon.

I am surprised some here over 20 stone never broke anything. It took me 2 dead office chairs in less than a year to realise why the lift system has gone. And these are about £100, not £20 from ebay😳

I have also chosen dining chair with my weight in mind considering majority of stuff is tested to only 100kg afaik

we bought sturdier dining chairs as my do and his friends are extremely fit and large framed. my wooden ones were creaking under his weight (although his body fat is sub 20%)
heavier people need sturdier furniture, the difference is that many fit heavy people can easily lower themselves into chairs etc so land on bed and chairs gently

My DS is not overweight but bent two metal bed frames by sitting on them with his mates.
I got him a new bed frame from the Reinforced Bed company on line, seems to be fine so far and looks/cost the same as a normal metal framed bed. Not sure if they do sofas though.

It's not fat shaming to say that obese people are more likely to put a strain on some furniture items.
Most regular furniture is not built to withstand more than 18st regularly. It invalidates the structural guarantee. And yes I did ask if the furniture I bought could take my DM's weight.
All of the posters saying their obese friends and family have never broken furniture and have never even considered how it will stand up to their friends or families weight baffle me.
My DM has broken 3 beds, a sofa, countless toilet seats, had costly car repairs from the springs on the seat came through, all in the last 3 years.
She pulled my sisters hand rail loose after always using it as leverage while she climbed the stairs.
What is more fat shaming? To mention it and make her feel like shit? Or to try to find remedies without the large person being informed?
Seems to me that we are a nation who cannot mention fat in case we offend or are seen to be fat shaming, even while our furniture and cars break down around us and need replacing or repairing.
We have become a nation where it is socially unacceptable to mention anyone's weight, even when it causes us to worry or breaks our furniture, even when we are not mentioning it to the obese person.

@1moreRep

The furniture I had when DH and I met was bought with the demographic you described in mind. I did a lot of weight lifting and fun sports events like tough mudders, so lots of my male friends were quite muscular with a low body fat percentage. Average body builders will not weigh more than 14 or 15 stone. There are exceptions, of course, but for comparison, even Dwayne Johnson and Arnold Schwarzenegger weigh less than 17 stone. Fit "everyday" guys - even with low body fat - are usually lighter than that.

The people I now plan my furniture around broke the furniture I had when I met DH. It just very different body types with different needs.

@emeraldshamrock I do see your point, and the point of the OP after actually considering it. I just did not like how it was worded... I do know it happens, but I cannot for the life of me think why someone would plan furniture and anything in their house to accommodate anyone else.

To be honest, if I broke something at a friends house - a plate, a loo seat, a chair... anything - I would be be offering to replace it straight away, and I think that the main issue is if the OP has had anything broken and not replaced by those who broke it, then friendships should be evaluated as opposed to going out of your way to find furniture "sturdy enough"...

Aside from this, I would be speaking to my partner to get them on board, and if it was a genuine concern, I would not be socialising with them in my house. The same would go for a person who let their children wreck my house, or who refused to take their shoes off in my house if I asked, or if a person was allergic to dogs... it is my house and if what they need does not feasibly work in my house, then we socialise elsewhere.

There are appropriate adaptions, such as putting my labrador puppy in a different room when my sister comes as she is wary of dogs, and then there is the other end, where every choice you make is "just in case" someone visits.

Again, I have never seen my friend break any furniture, despite being 23st. I have however, seen my much smaller friend break a garden chair as she flopped in to it and I have broken a loo seat (I weigh 80kg) I know that heavier weight is going to have more of an impact (I am aware, despite being tall and being fit and muscular, that if I flop in to a seat, or pull myself up on something, it could break) but small people break stuff too.

Why do people not seem to understand that it isn't the friends weight individually, but when they visit en masse.
There is no point in saying " I weigh 22 stone and I've never broken anything" because 1 person isn't the issue.

6 people weighing between 21 and 30 stone is a lot to plan for and requires thought.

It’s not a case of one of OPs guests having visited once, sat on the sofa and it snapped. It’s a case of 6 of her friends visiting up to twice a week and the regular strain on the furniture is loosening the joints, bending the wood/supports etc over time so that it breaks far sooner than if it was supporting people who weren’t as heavy. It’s just physics, it’s not body shaming to acknowledge the physical impact of the extra weight on furniture just like it has a physical impact on that person’s own body, their joints and ligaments etc.

I think fat shaming is a very very good thing in a nation where a high percentage of people are obese. Let's start calling it what it is. I speak as an ex obese person who thought normal sized people were emaciated, and who thought normal portions were ridiculously little. We need to stop tolerating and ignoring obesity!!! Me and OH went to our local pub late afternoon yesterday. More than half the people in there were overweight, with a quarter of the people in there being obese. It's become normal to waddle around with impaired mobility stuffing oneself with huge amounts of food.

My ankles almost imploded carrying all that weight and our mattress sags because of it and needs replacing. I looked as if I was killing myself, which indeed I slowly was. We need to talk about obesity honestly. That's tough love. Ignoring it is not love at all. I stopped overeating when my health started to be affected. I was terrified ashamed and embarrassed at the prospect of making myself diabetic and giving myself high blood pressure. I weighed 14st 9lb when I quit. I'm 9st 9lb now. I'm one of those 'emaciated' people eating ridiculously little. And I bounce around like a spring chicken. I've got myself and my life back! Fat shame the fatties!!!

I agree joy. If you look at crowd shots of the general public in the 80s most are normal weight. Had a medical last month my bmi showed I was overweight frankly horrified. Cut back on food upped the exercise lost a stone in a month now bmi firmly in normal category. Yes it’s more fun to slt about and eat crisps and pizza every night but we just can’t get away with that as we age.

Also you feel so much better and energetic eating less and more healthily.

Joy that’s amazing weight loss. I was 11st 9 now 10st 9 aiming for 9st 9 lb

We have one 20stone plus friend who comes over regularly and I’ve never considered the suitability of my IKEA furniture. Am now terrified of an embarrassing moment!!

Eat the fat fucks

Eat the fat fucks

37MsTSwift well-done on getting back to normal! It feels great doesn't it? We have to stop ignoring the big fat elephants in the room. Even when I went to a health check up my weight wasn't flagged as an issue and that is ridiculous. Health professionals should not worry about fat shaming us! We need fat shaming! We are a huge nation!

First, I wouldn’t have thought that a sofa would collapse under the weight of occasional use by a couple of 20st people. It’s not like at work where chairs are in daily use. Second, who the hell sits on a shoe bench?! I think you should just buy the furniture you want. It will be fine. I do sometimes worry about my vintage Ercol as it creaks when I sit on it and I love it so much, but furniture is for sitting on!

It anyone was on here talking skinny fucks and emaciated stick insects people on here would be up in arms about "thin
shaming"... but as we all know fat fucks don't have feelings that matter so feel free to continue being spiteful cunts.

It anyone was on here talking skinny fucks and emaciated stick insects people on here would be up in arms about "thin shaming"

To be fair they're less likely to go through your floorboards.

Clown.

I've lost weight now but when weighing in at 14 stone (so significantly less than ops friends) I collapsed the slats on my in-laws new guest bed. Mortifying. They had to reinforce the slats. Interestingly in my head at the time I blamed the fact that it was obviously cheap furniture. Now I've lost all the excess weight I can see that I was just overweight and am slightly mortified that I didn't apologise properly and take responsibility at the time.

Skinny people are less likely to be a drain the NHS because of strokes, heart diseases, diabetes or limb/joint problems, and less likely to break your furniture, or spill over into your train bus or plane seat. These are facts. Skinny people are less likely to be depressed about their weight or shape or state of their health. They consume less of the planets resources. They are probably happier than fat people. Being fat is not normal. Being a healthy body weight is normal.

There is no need to make 'thin shame' thin people is there? We don't have an epidemic of thinness.