...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

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• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

I don't think the OP is being goady at all. I have a couple of friends who host a big friendship group regularly, and they, too, have had to consider which pieces of furniture will safely hold the weight of a couple of group members. It's a pain in the arse, to be perfectly honest, and the reality is they can't afford to replace other people's furniture when they break pieces, which they have (chairs).

DH only gives them a lift ~3x a year so not too worried there.

I can see where the OP is coming from. What about getting a pew? My DSis parents in law are about 50 stone combined and the pew takes it. She bought it for this exact purpose.
In answer to a PP. BIL collected them in the Nissan one time last year and a spring broke. PIL paid for it to be mended.

Given that the OP posts elsewhere about how beautiful she is, this somewhat obnoxious goady thread does not surprise me

Get rid of the sofas and buy giant bean bags for your fat friends to sit on 🤣.

I have never really considered my furniture being broken by fat friends but then I don’t have friends over often. I have seen threads on here about fat people wanting lifts in small cars but never really considered furniture breakage. Just buy the furniture you want and don’t let people sit on it 🤣

I’ve not worried about friends but I have considered family needs when buying furniture. When my FIL was visiting regularly I bought a sturdier bed, a firmer mattress and a big comfy chair and purposely did not replace my sofas (which were trashed) but while he visited a lot it was obviously going to be for just a few years as he was elderly and frail. I think you are in a difficult position OP. I wouldn’t want my furniture to break under my DH’s good friends on a regular basis! The decision needs to be discussed in detail and agreed with your DH. I am not furniture or household proud either, it would have been harder if I was, I never for example research lots of options of furniture, I tend to buy what’s needed with minimum effort.

It is amazing that I managed to buy the furniture that I wanted, used it everyday for years and it didn't break despite me weighing 26 stone for all of that time. Never once did I check the weight limits.
Stop being a martyr and live your own life.

Either buy it with good grace or don't

It would be nice if they took responsibility for their weight and asked which items could take it and perhaps bring their own chairs.

I suspect as everyone is too embarrassed however these people never realise? Like op politely carrying on chatting after hearing a crack.

People often site not being able to strap onto airplane as their light bulb moment... Maybe that's the only time they are confronted by their size.

@ManiacalLapwing
Meet them elsewhere where possible. Ask them to bring their own airbed if they do stay. If you have a airbed for other guests then you don't need to tell them that. I'm surprised that they come back to visit after damaging your furniture more than once, I would be mortified.

We didn't tell them they broke it. Contrary to what some people seem to think, I am not into fat-shaming, and we didn't want them to feel bad.

Could you buy some sturdy camp chairs that can be folded up and stored away when they are not visiting. Only issue would be if they find it offensive that they are given separate furniture to sit on. I don't know if yabu or not but if they have broken furniture before due to their weight then I can see where you are coming from.

Don't base your furniture choices on friends who visit. There must be some other solution.

Until recently we were quite an overweight family. 3 of us weighed 18-20st.

None of us have ever broken furniture. The furniture we have is not expensive. Thinking in particular of one sofa which was £150 off Amazon and is still in pretty good condition after 4 years despite bearing our 38st on many occasions.

Either the OP is buying really cheap furniture or this is just indirect fat shaming. Much like threads where the OP claims they can't give their fat friends a lift because it will damage their car

My nephew is huge, not fat, but an American football player, very bulked up, 6'4" and heavy and muscle bound. After a few unfortunate incidents, I do hide our lovely antique chairs, inherited from my parents. He breaks things all the time, is oblivious, and would be very offended if anyone asked him to be careful or to replace something.

I can easily believe that this is a real concern for people. It is not as simple as: 'get them to replace it'. Some people don't think of replacing things and it is impossible to point out to an overweight person that they have broken your chairs. Also, lots of things are not replaceable.

As somebody who has had an armchair broken by their partner's overweight friend, I think you are being ridiculously unreasonable!!!!!
Buy what you want!

I wonder if the defensive answers are by the OP's DH's friends.

Because it seems to cause confusion, i am talking about three couples who each weigh 21+ stone. We usually have at least two of the couples here, sometimes all. So my issue isn't getting reliable seating for 2 people, we need a few more options, which is why i am finding myself a little miffed.

Tell them to bring their own suitable blow up bed when they stay and buy what ever furniture you want. If they break something ask them to pay. They must be aware of what will take their weight and what won't.

Do you think overweight people are keeping dfs in business or something? Weird how fat people manage to survive in their own homes/workplaces/cars without needing to replace things every 5 mins.

I get the OP. I saw a friend of mine who is overweight end up in a pile of timber at a mutual friends house, she was quite upset but certainly didn't offer to replace the chair. The host was apologising, the whole thing was awkward to say the least. I steer her towards my sturdier chairs. I don't think the OP is fake at all, it's a really tricky situation.

@ManiacalLapwing Sorry, i thought you meant the sofa! The airbed will get its first try on New Years. I just did some research because we need one that will support more than 35stone and it brought up lots of American websites that basically say "it is tested above that but will probably still pop after a few uses"

How on earth is OP 'fat shaming' when she hasn't said anything about this to the obese friends in question?! She's going above and beyond to NOT fat shame for goodness sake. She's so considerate that she's been buying furniture she doesn't love so that is can accommodate her friends!

OP YANBU . Not at all. You're obviously a lovely considerate person and I don't think you are being unreasonable for being a bit miffed at the fact you feel you can't get the furniture you'd really like because you have to take visitors weight into consideration.

What is the difference between one 20 stone person in a bed and 2 ten stone people?
i think you are unnecessarily mean about people you clearly look down on.
So what if their weight is due to their 'poor lifestyle choices'? Does that mean that if they had a hormone problem you would be happy about buying extra large furniture?
If they have a thyroid problem would it be ok that they broke your shoe bench?
Here's an idea. Why don't you buy the furniture you want, then make them weigh in as they come through the door and you can direct them to a chair that will support their weight.
Or you can put a great big label on your chairs with the maximum weight and let them choose themselves.
And don't forget about giving them some advice about their poor lifestyle choices while they are there.