...to start being a little miffed at how friends' weight affects my decoration choices?

[AlmostChristmas2019]

That really. We have a couple of friends who weigh 21+ stones and it affects what furniture we can feasible get.

We just moved and this is the second time this is really starting to bug me.

A few examples:
...I have chucked out my top 5 choices of dinning chairs, because they either couldn't take that weight and/or had armrest that would literally dig into their bodies.
...changed my choice of sofa so it can support multiple obese people.
...did not get a shoe bench because their weight crashed the last one after a couple of uses (yes, that was the issue)
...tried to get an airbed that would support the weight of two obese people safely for occasional overnight stays (e.g. New Years) - found one that was tested to a high weight but apparently, even then they are likely to pop. American Amazon was a scary eye-opener.
...holding off on new Garden chairs, as the ones that they can sit on are pricier than the ones I'd usually get (shared, very social garden, so not looking for anything fancy) - which means we barely used the garden since moving.
....all of the options suitable for heavy people are way pricier

I do want my guests to feel welcome, I really do. I am just so over having to check the maximum weight every time I look at furniture that is meant to support human bodies in some way.

It doesn't help that most of them are friends DH kind of brought into the relationship and which I have neither a paricularly good nor bad friendship. They were all friends at uni and we are the people who live where it is easiest to meet for everyone. That is fine, I usually love a full house, but I feel so limited by someone else's choices right now*

DH does arrange to meet up out of our house with them more often now but that doesn't change the fact that our furniture needs to be able to support a good deal of weight relatively frequently. And I would feel hypocritical to say "no, you never get to bring your friends here" because I would have no issue with it if we didn't need specialised furniture.

Bottom-line: Am I being unreasonable for wanting to choose my furniture without having to think about the weight of people who do not live here?

-

• Not to go into too much detail here, because it is not relevant to my question, but as it is sure to be mentioned: I know obesity can have lots of underlying causes. Besides two of the people in question here, the cause is poor food choices + no exercise. They're quite open about it.

@hazell42

I honestly don’t think the OP was being goady and I think her feelings should be taken into consideration too.

@AlmostChristmas2019 they can sit on the FLOOR

Buy the airbeds. If they burst, they burst. You can’t plan your home around the requirements of occasional visitors.

As for the other furniture, I think you must be exaggerating. If they really were so heavy that sofas would break after a few visits they would have to be replacing their own sofas on a monthly basis.

So all six of them are over 21 stone? I thought it was just a couple.

I’m a similar weight and never broken my own furniture. I wouldn’t think about it too much. The only thing I bought specifically to support my weight was a camping chair as I know they can break easily.

Rather than have an entire sofa suite that's made for heavier people, why not get just a couple of chairs, and direct them to them, while you have the sofa you'd like.

And as someone currently on the cusp of morbidly obese (on the way down, not up), it makes a real difference how you move. If I'm sitting on something fragile, I sit carefully, on the edge, and stay stock still. vs. DP, who isn't morbidly obese but is just a big, tall person who throws himself down and puts the furniture under more strain because of that.

The second problem I've had is always sitting in the same way/place - I ruined my last settee because I always sat in the same spot, so now I make sure I rotate which place I use so I don't knacker it.

What is the difference between one 20 stone person in a bed and 2 ten stone people?

Their partner, who's also 20 stone+ from the OP's previous posts.

Should the obese people be told they can only sleep alone?

JFC the hard of thinking are out in force today. If the OP was fat shaming, she'd hardly be not telling her friends they broke her furniture and spending money on accommodating the, would she?

Interesting the the vote says 80% YANBU and only 20% YABU, but the comments are mostly people having a go at the OP. It seems it's almost a sport for some people...

Anyway if you could be arsed maybe get a couple of the chairs like I have and leave it at that. If they are like me they will be permanently conscious of their size and will probably move to sit on the item that will support them and they will find comfy. My chair is a Vango Goliath, it wasn’t expensive if you feel you have to get something, I don’t think you do though x

Worra, they can't drive I was thinking more of sturdy fold away chairs like camping style.

Ahh sorry yes. I wasn't thinking of those

My ex mil broke our sofa, she would always sit right in the middle of the three seater, and at the weakest point . Had to prop it up with books. But she would always bring her own garden chair if we were going anywhere for a bbq. She also popped quite a few airbeds

I'd say buy the furniture you want, apart from the sofa!

Is this for real?!
We have a few morbidly obese friends and it's honestly never crossed my mind whether my furniture choices would be suitable for their weight! It's our home at the end of the day!

Seriously OP - get what you like. No one will think badly of you given this is how the rest of us live our lives!

I can’t stop laughing at the poster who said get them a couple of beanbags. Sorry. Bit mean of me but I just keep picturing you all having lunch at the dining table and your large guests slumped in beanbags on the floor.

Just buy a great big fluffy rug and sit on the floor Japanese style. Tell them it's a new thing you're into.

*What is the difference between one 20 stone person in a bed and 2 ten stone people?

Their partner, who's also 20 stone+ from the OP's previous posts.*

Well, that's true, but the original OP had a few heavy friends, not 3 couples all of whom are 20+ stone
So, there's that.
Also, 2 people sleeping in a bed tend to roll to the middle anyway.
So, there's that too.

And @wigglybluelines, the reason the stupid vote thing doesn't match with the comments is that a lot of us think it is stupid asking us a question that cannot be resolved as a yes/no answer, then asking us to vote on it.

At this point, I should state my weight, so that you can tell whether I have a valid argument or I am just a fatty with a chip on my shoulder, but fuck that, it's none of your business

Yes, it's a tricky situation, and I feel for you OP. You should be able to have the furniture you want in your own home! I speak as someone who has always struggled to maintain a healthy weight - but really, if you are so overweight as to damage furniture and cars etc, then it's really time to get a grip and sort yourself out. If your weight limits where you can go, where you sit, etc, then really isn't that a wake-up call?

My parents friend who was enormous broke their loo seat he was a carpenter and made them a beautiful wooden loo seat that they still have 30 years later

I think furniture makers need to get with the programme being massively overweight is now pretty common and their products need to reflect that. Never had this personally all our friends and family slim

As for the other furniture, I think you must be exaggerating. If they really were so heavy that sofas would break after a few visits they would have to be replacing their own sofas on a monthly basis.

OP has described state of friends sofa, it would appear they don't particularly care.

You'd rupture something trying to get them back off the floor.

I've been very, very large and know that getting out of a beanbag or off the floor involves lots of struggling until you can roll onto your side/all fours and gradually force yourself up.

In any case, beds are definitely a thing. I bought a standard divan once and the first time I sat on it, fine, but as soon as I started lowering myself down (onto my arm, rather than dropping like a stone), the board on the base split. The first day. The first time I touched it.

Mind you, when I was 17 and about 8 stone, my boyfriend was six foot two and had started putting on weight - apparently, the combined weight of 8 stone plus about 18 on one half of a bed with unfinished pine slats and a little extra - movement (cough) - is enough to split the bastard things.

@ginghamstarfish
DH's friends all work stressful jobs, have a healthy social life, and probably want to sleep at some point, too. If not thinking about food and/or exercising falls off the bandwagon in order to avoid a nervous breakdown, that is perfectly understandable.

I have two conditions that make maintaining a healthy weight difficult, so I know how time-consuming it can be to stay on top of things. I personally choose to but I also get anyone who decides it is too much - either for the moment or longer. I just wish I could have ordered the pretty chairs I really liked but which had armrests that were too narrow.

In life you can choose between fat friends and nice furniture. Never both.

Sturdier chairs and sofas are probably more comfortable for everyone tbf

Well if they’re that big to the point a regular sofa can’t hold their weight they’ll have to sit on the floor!

Very nice that you’re even considering them but it really is above and beyond expectation. The only was I’d see it from your perspective is if you were worried they could break your new furniture and if they do then they should offer to pay for it. Their weight is the issue here. As PP have suggested, I’d meet somewhere else to save your furniture!

Cool story bro

This is just a disguised fat shaming post. I weigh more than that and have never broken a bit of furniture in my life, not even cheap plastic garden furniture.