Should I tell them his stepson is a paedophile

[SisterhoodOfKahn]

My DD is a member of a youth organisation who has recently recruited a new full time member of staff. This man will have direct access to the children.

Should I tell the youth organisation that he is the step father of a paedophile? This is not tittle tattle I know the family, and know this is true.

I'm hoping he won't pass the DBS criteria but as they have different names he might.

Am I being over cautious? Should I just keep quiet. I genuinely don't know what do to.

Does the woman not want her children around her partner or doesn't want them around because her partners son is there? Answer that and you answer your own question.

Paedophilia is a psychiatric diagnosis. Most people who commit sexual offences against children do not have the diagnosis. The reasons for committing sexual offences against children are widely varied, and many of them have no relationship to a primary sexual interest in children. That is just factual.

@Lizzie0869
The point is that you are not associating with sex offenders, you have cut them out of your life.

@Buccanarab - break out the banjos.

Obviously, this doesn't apply if you know that this man or his wife is in regular contact Witt his SS or if he lives with them. Or if his family have any connection with his work (as would happen if it was a church activity).

If his work life is strictly separate, then it's no issue at all (I don't think teachers are disqualified for being related to paedophiles). However, if you know that he's been minimising his SS's crimes, or victim blaming, then he isn't a person to be trusted with children. But this isn't what you've focused on in your posts.

The fact is, we don't know enough about to be able to tell you whether your concerns are well founded. But I'm concerned that you appear to be determined to judge this man based on him being related to a paedophile, when all that really matters is whether he condones or minimises what his SS did.

I don't think you're unreasonable if he still lives with and associates with his ss. If he had no contact I'd think you were being hysterical. I question the judgement of someone who knowingly socialises with sex offenders.

The poor bloke isn’t even related to the paedophile ! You need to have a word with yourself !

Agreed, @Shelby2010 and that's why I've said that we need to know whether the man in question has contact with his SS or allows him to stay in his house. Yes, he knew what the SS was guilty of before marrying his mum, but is she refusing to accept her son's guilt? If so, the concerns are justified.

The OP hasn't been clear on this. If the only objection is that he's in a relationship with a woman whose son is a paedophile, then I feel really sorry for his partner, if she's not to be allowed to move on with her life.

That’s such an important and heartbreaking account of the wider damage caused by child sexual abusers, Vexorg15. Thank you for sharing.
Have you looked at organisations that help the families of those abused? This one focuses on the parents/carers but would be worth asking them about your own situation. It sounds like some help for your own ongoing pain and confusion would be worthwhile. www.mosac.org.uk/
Also: napac.org.uk/

I had this issue at work. Find out, if as part of their safeguarding policy they have a "guilty by association disclaimer". If you have close family links with a paedophile you are disbarred from working with children. The only exception being if the risk is assessed by the local authority safeguarding board. Ring them for advice and express your concerns

@SisterhoodOfKahn but you haven’t explained what you’re issue with man in question (the volunteer) is. Why are you worried about him when it’s the step son that’s committed a crime?

Oh Vexorg, i could feel your pain in every word you wrote. I'm so sorry that you have to live with this legacy. I wish you piece of mind.

School staff have to declare if they are associated with any people that have been convicted of certain crimes and add details.

Does that not apply to youth organisations,children's clubs etc?

If this man declared it all and was still recruited then fair enough. But it's just as likely that he used the lack of a name connection and lied on the form, in which case the organisation is unable to make a full judgement or risk assessment.

All very well telling op she is B.U. However if it were your child I’m sure you’d want to know. I wouldn’t want someone related (albeit by marriage) to a paedo near my child. Even though he hasn’t committed a crime. It still wouldn’t fit comfortable with me.
The verbal abuse (and it is abuse) that op is getting is shocking.

But I’m related to somebody who is a convicted paedophile. That’s not my fault at all. Should I not be allowed my children or near anybody else’s?

If it's a voluntary or a church organisation, I would have some concerns. Because (though it pains me to say it as a Christian myself), the church doesn't have a good record where safeguarding is concerned.

If it were me, I would want to find out about their safeguarding policy. For example, Brownies and Guides don't allow any adult to have contact with children if they themselves haven't been DBS checked. If that's the case, the SS definitely won't have contact with the children.

I would like to point out that, with chid SA being as widespread as it is, there are a lot of people who are related to paedophiles. It would be very unreasonable to decide that all these people are a danger to children.

At least you know about this one. The ones to worry about are the ones you don't know about. A lot of abusers are never found out at all.

People saying I’m related to a paedophile that’s okay to say it’s not my fault we are talking about parents who don’t know there children may be around them who have no opportunity to discuss with the childminder what is in place to protect their children. You know this person is a paedo you can protect your children because you know, other parents don’t!

I don’t think there’s any serious suggestion that being related to a paedophile should prevent a person from having children or working with children.
If you are working with children though, then your employer should know that you are related to a paedophile and it should be clear that you will not allow them to come into contact with the children that you work with or their data and other personal details. Every serious case review that I’ve ever read seems to boil down to “people who knew something stayed quiet when they should have said something”. It’s a serious problem and I find it concerning that so many people are telling the OP to keep her beak out and stay quiet.
If this man has no real contact with the stepson, has no intention of allowing him anywhere near the children at the club and can show that he won’t be allowing the stepson access to any data or devices on which he stores childrens’ details then he is not going to lose his job. If the employer doesn’t know then they probably wouldn’t think anything of the stepson dropping by to pick up the stepfather and drive him home or turning up to help the stepfather out with unloading and loading equipment on occasion. They need to know!

Yes I do get that, @KinderGirl that's why checking the safeguarding policy of this group is important. A reputable organisation will only allow people who have been DBS checked to have contact with the children. If that's so, there isn't the need to know about his SS. I wouldn't know if the teachers at my DDs' school are related to paedophiles. But they never attempt to befriend them, so I don't need to know.

Unless the OP is concerned that this man will befriend the children and suggest seeing them outside of work. Or if she has concerns that he might turn a blind eye to abuse that he knows about. If she has concerns of that nature, then it would be right for her to contact the organisation about him.

Again, don’t speculate, don’t spread gossip, don’t withdraw your child on theoretical risk.

Contact the police. Ask for a sarah’s law review.

They will look at him, his offending history, and if he has any opportunity to come into contact with children.

If they think he is a risk to the scouts through this relative, they will get in touch with them and make sure safeguards are in place.

I agree with checking the safeguarding policy. I would contact the police have a quick word to see where you stand but from my experience I would not be comfortable knowing he could try to pop by from time to time with nobody knowing what he is. I feel sorry for the stepdad it’s one of the worse things to happen to your family the shame & embarrassment must be horrific. But nobody’s feelings come before the safety of my child.

Very good advice from @bluebluezoo it would put your mind at rest or give you grounds to contact the group.

I don’t think there’s any serious suggestion that being related to a paedophile should prevent a person from having children or working with children

My response was to the post above mine that literally stated “I wouldn’t want someone related to a paedo near my child”.

But why do the parents need to know? The man working there is not a paedophile.

Shelby2010 exactly what you said. It's nothing to do with this man being somehow contaminated by the SS it's more to do with can the SS in any way gain access to children through the man. If the man who has got the job has any integrity he will have declared this contact.

OP YANBU and I would tell the team. You have nothing to lose and if the man is 100% safe then he will be happy to declare the contact with the SS. Imagine the consequences if you didn't say anything and something awful happened?

bluebluezoo makes sense to do that absolutely.