Should I tell them his stepson is a paedophile

[SisterhoodOfKahn]

My DD is a member of a youth organisation who has recently recruited a new full time member of staff. This man will have direct access to the children.

Should I tell the youth organisation that he is the step father of a paedophile? This is not tittle tattle I know the family, and know this is true.

I'm hoping he won't pass the DBS criteria but as they have different names he might.

Am I being over cautious? Should I just keep quiet. I genuinely don't know what do to.

[bluebluezoo]

Very good advice from @bluebluezoo it would put your mind at rest or give you grounds to contact the group

No, it doesn’t give the o/p grounds to contact the group. If the police consider this man a risk to the group they will contact them directly and put safeguards in place, including stuff like markers on police records so any calls will be responded to immediately.

[Lizzie0869]

Okay, I understand. Thinking about it, that's better actually, as there won't be unnecessary gossip (bearing in mind that rumours can lead to vigilante violence).

But I would point out too that you don't know that he hasn't notified the group about his SS, as it would be entirely confidential if they had no concerns. He would be foolish not to really, seeing as his ex obviously knows about it.

[SabineSchmetterling]

The parents don’t need to know... the employer does. If the employer is satisfied that there is no risk to the children then there is no reason for them to share the information with parents. In my school that kind of information would stay between the HT, the personnel officer and the DSL. The rest of the staff wouldn’t need to know let alone the children or parents.

[WhiskeyLullaby]

But I’m related to somebody who is a convicted paedophile.

Do you live with them?
Do you have contact with them?
Do they have access to your phone,other media, contacts or pictures of children that you interact with?
What's your attitude towards them? A lot of people protect paedophiles and insist it's a misunderstanding,storm in a tea cup etc.


You don't have to answer these questions to me btw, but an employer can and should ask an employee that will work with children and then based on the answers risk assess and decide suitability. That can only happen though if they are aware of the connection in the first place. There's a reason they ask these things and others every single year on a form for school staff for example.

[MegaBlock]

I have no contact or nothing to do with said relative. My comment was in response to the poster above me who said she wouldn’t want anyone who is related to a paedophile anywhere near her child.

[CravingCheese]

@Shelby2010

He wasn't always dead (obviously).
My aunt is a social worker and finished her education long before he died. My mother was a nurse.
Are you suggesting that it would have been reasonable for someone like the OP to contact their place of work with 'concerns' simply because they had the major misfortune to have a father that liked to molest and torture his daughters?

[heinz57andabit]

@CravingCheese

I've name changed for this to avoid any links being made.

I work with sex offenders. In those circumstances there would have already been professional conversations when DBS checks are made with the police disclosure unit. These would usually be around what area they worked in, what contact they had with the person and whether they would be able to access any records on that person. Then a decision would be made on what information would be disclosed.

[CustardySergeant]

SD1978 Bloody hell. So because his son is, he must be too?

It's not even his son, it's his stepson.

[zara020]

My uncle is a paedophile ... went to prison and everything OP.

Would you expect me not to do my job as a paediatric HCP?

[Lizzie0869]

He may be a sex offender who offended against children but that is not the same thing at all as paedophilia. People who commit sexual offences against children are in fact usually not paedophiles.

That really doesn't make sense. Obviously a lot of offenders haven't been diagnosed as paedophiles, but that's because they haven't been convicted of any offence, so obviously they haven't been diagnosed. My F was always seemingly a respectable member of society.

There's obviously something not right about people who hurt children in that way, whether or not they have been diagnosed as paedophiles. For the majority of us, the idea of it makes our skin crawl.

[StarbucksSmarterSister]

I wouldn’t want someone related (albeit by marriage) to a paedo near my child. Even though he hasn’t committed a crime. It still wouldn’t fit comfortable with me.

Does that just apply to men or to women as well?

One of my siblings was convicted of abusing some of his children. It was a terrible shock and has been utterly horrendous for all of us. Are you saying that none of us should be allowed near children, even though we are totally innocent?

I haven't felt able to tell some family or close friends because of attitudes such as this.

[Oakmaiden]

If this man thinks it's OK to carry on sharing a house with the offender I'd question his judgement. It sounds like he does.

You see, I read it as he doesn't - and the OP has no idea if the man in question has any contact with the SS at all.

It is really hard to work it all out though, since it is all rather bitty...

[CravingCheese]

I wouldn’t want someone related (albeit by marriage) to a paedo near my child. Even though he hasn’t committed a crime. It still wouldn’t fit comfortable with me.


This kind of attitudes victimises many victims of child sexual abuse imo. In family abuse is one of the most common kinds of child abuse. The victims of it are therefore someone related to a paedo! You might be saying this to a person that was abused by that particular family member!!

@heinz57andabit

The fact that someone may have gone through that process wouldn't necessarily mean that people like the OP didn't feel the need to contact the leaders of a youth organization and tell them about the pedophile some people have the misfortune to be related to.
And people like the OP may also out victims of child sexual abuse...

But my grandfather was never convicted. There was trial (open to the public) but no conviction... This was also in a different country and a fairly long time ago.

I guess I'm just horrified at the idea of somebody who was/is aware of my family history using it to 'out' my mother, aunt or uncle as 'people related to a pedophile'. 'And isn't it normal to simply concerned about someone related to a paedo near my child?'

[WhiskeyLullaby]

The posters never clarified but I wonder if the degree of closeness and association matters.

For example you have person A who's father ,uncle,brother was convicted. Person A does not live with them,has cut all contact and bar the blood connection there is nothing else that poses a risk.


Person A has a father,husband or a son that they still live with. The relative might have access to other children visiting the home even if supervised. They might have access to phones,pictures,contacts etc of other children. They might pop in to bring lunch,forgotten keys,just say hello, or wait for person B to finish work so they can walk home together etc, therefore becoming a familiar, even friendly face for the children/youths using their services/workplace.


Now all these possibilities would be considered,risk assessed and even found entirely unlikely to happen by person B's workplace ,or plans can be put in place. That can only happen if their workplace knows about it.



You wouldn't move in with your kids with person B or allow your kids to have sleepovers there would you?

[BingoLittlesUncle]

Have my first

[Lizzie0869]

The way I read it was that it sounded like the OP's source for this was the man's ex, who has an axe to grind and has used it to deny him unsupervised contact with his DC. The OP clearly has no first hand knowledge of the situation at all.

There is a wider issue about safeguarding in clubs for children and adolescents. It is important that workers are put through rigorous checks, and that should include whether members of their family have committed offences against children and whether they have contact with that person. As I said before, in her shoes I would want to check the organisation's safeguarding policy.

If I wasn't happy with the safeguarding procedures, then I wouldn't be happy for my DDs to go there at all.

[cabbageking]

His DBS will come back clear. If the Police have concerns based on what is known they will contact the organisation themselves to express any concerns. Each organisation has their own policy and they should discuss any concerns raised with the applicant and decide on any action or not.
Lots of people with offences work with children and vulnerable adults depending on the specific circumstances.

[newnameagainagain]

My sister is a surgeon but I can perform surgery!

YABU

[Shelby2010]

@CravingCheese
If your aunt was living with a known sex offender whilst working with vulnerable children, then yes I think there could be safe guarding concerns. Which I would expect her to be aware of if she is a trained social worker.

If however she had left home & never has any contact with him again, then no it isn’t relevant.

As a pp said it’s not that the family are tainted, it’s that they may (unwittingly) provide further opportunities for the sex offender. Or if they have been groomed themselves then they may not be able to clearly see the risks.

[Spied]

Please take your DD elsewhere.
Why should this man have to put up with suspicious parents and gossip.
I think you should keep your nose out.
If this man wasn't suitable for the job he wouldn't have got it. CRB checks will have been carried out. Whether the ex whoever doesn't allow their kids to stay with them is none of your business.

[trinity0097]

Disqualification by Association was abolished in 2018 for most schools, other than live in teachers and their families in boarding schools.

This is a useful link outlining the facts.
www.safeguardinginschools.co.uk/disqualification-by-association-september-2018/

[Lizzie0869]

It can be true that survivors of SA can be vulnerable to being groomed by abusers, who are looking for access to their children. I believe that was true of my DM, who was abused by her uncle who became her guardian after she was orphaned. She certainly didn't see what was happening under her nose.

But questions need to be asked with sensitivity. I went through a SS investigation 3 years ago, because I knew I needed help dealing with my complex PTSD which had led to me drinking too much. In one meeting the reviewing officer asked me bluntly where my F was as the very first question of the session. It completely threw me off balance. It wouldn't have taken much effort to look through the notes and find out that he had been dead for 18 years.

[WhiskeyLullaby]

Wasn't aware of it and we still get the form to fill in every year.


I wonder how much that decision was about the "greater good" and how much it was influenced by a teacher recruiting and retention crisis.

But I'm quite cynical.

[CravingCheese]

Shelby

The OP didn't mention the living situation (or have I missed an update?). My conclusion: She therefore either doesn't know or knows that the answer wouldn't make her seem particularly reasonable to us... Or she just doesn't care about the actual facts and thinks that 'outing' somebody as related to a pedophile without good cause (like you mentioned in the first scenario) would be fine simply because she's concerned.

If your aunt was living with a known sex offender whilst working with vulnerable children, then yes I think there could be safe guarding concerns. Which I would expect her to be aware of if she is a trained social worker.

If however she had left home & never has any contact with him again, then no it isn’t relevan

You're using two extremes on the contact spectrum. Many might fall somewhere between this...
My DM visited him before he died. My aunt may have as well.

[GunpowderGelatine]

Just imagine for a moment going through the hell and trauma of finding out a close family member is a pedophile, then imagine some busybody trying to use that information to stop you living your life, despite you NOT also being a pedophile.

Poor bloke. Keep your beak out of it.