Should I tell them his stepson is a paedophile

[SisterhoodOfKahn]

My DD is a member of a youth organisation who has recently recruited a new full time member of staff. This man will have direct access to the children.

Should I tell the youth organisation that he is the step father of a paedophile? This is not tittle tattle I know the family, and know this is true.

I'm hoping he won't pass the DBS criteria but as they have different names he might.

Am I being over cautious? Should I just keep quiet. I genuinely don't know what do to.

[rwalker]

The poor guy his life completely blown apart by his step dads actions and people pointing fingers at him as well.

[Bluntness100]

Op. You need to help us understand this. Are you suggesting that because his step son is a paedophile this man is too?

Also is the step son a convicted paedo? When you say you know fo a fact exactly what facts are those? Do you know a child abused by him if he's not convicted?.

[Autumntoowet]

Well a DBS is a check on you, not people you know.
How very weird and miss informed

[MemorylikeDory]

OP @tryingnottopanicrightnow has given you the best information link regarding disqualification by association. I know lots of people are shocked by the OP's post but having worked with young children I've had to sign declarations in the work place to say I do not live with anyone who has been convicted of certain offences.

[Sillyscrabblegames]

I understand what you are worried about. However it's not fair to vilify this man.
Either move youth org or ask for their policies etc for child protection and satisfy yourself that there is no way connected people can bypass them.

[Acciocats]

I hope someone reports you OP. After all, you’re good friends with this man and his family, therefore you’re guilty by association...

[girlintheglass]

This makes me so sad. You could ruin another persons life by slinging that kind of mud. It's not nice at all.

I lived in fear for a couple of years because a jealous ex of my partner used to say I want DSS this weekend, if partner said no she would say Ok I think I will report your girlfriend to the police for exposing herself to DSS or I've found bruises on DSS top of inside legs I've shown the doctor we're making a report against your girlfriend. It caused me so much worry and upset. I knew it wasn't true but the upset it caused me. The worry. At one point I nearly had some kind of brake down. I lived in fear of what she would do and if the police came for me, and what would happen to me. I contacted police myself in the end but still it's not nice when people bring these things to you and you are innocent. That man has no control over his step sons behaviour don't ruin his life over someone else's doing.

God forbid your child grows up to be some kind of criminal. Will that make you guilty?
Be kind. Always. Karma has a funny way of catching up with people 😥

[fromnowhere]

I find this really interesting how many people on the thread are horrified about your aibu...?
It does v much highlight to me how blasé people often are about the risks when it comes to children and peodophiles. I'm not sure any (?) have asked the op to explain more about where her uneasiness comes from? If for example this man continues to live with or socialise with his stepson, then yes, that is a red flag. Doesn't mean he is necessarily a peodophile himself, but does suggest poor judgement in that area, not great if working with kids ?
It depends on the circumstance, if you're worried then report, someone should definitely investigate further.

[whiteroseredrose]

I think people are being a bit disingenuous.

YANB entirely U. I was a Rainbow leader and on the occasional trip out leaders' family might be drafted in for numbers (parents didn't often volunteer!).

The organisers need to know that the step son must never be allowed to help out. He may never have individual contact with the children on the day but the DC may see him as 'safe' by association if they see him out and about afterwards.

[BlouseAndSkirt]

“I do know that recruited man's ex will not let their dc stay the night there. “

What?

You really have not given enough info. Did the family and this man stand by the offender? The quote above implies that he left the offenders mother? If so was it over the offence ? It are they still together? How would the young people be in contact with the recruited man’s step son?

[Waxonwaxoff0]

You are disgusting. This is exactly the reason why family members of criminals get harassed when they have done nothing wrong. I'm the daughter of a serial offender and I know what it's like to be ostracized by people so I suggest you think in future before you try and ruin somebody's life.

[mindutopia]

I think you should and I say this as someone who has a convicted paedophile in the family. It is relevant if he has a responsibility for safeguarding but has failed to do it in his own family (if he has).

In my case, the family member in question has two other close family members (one is a partner) who work with children and vulnerable adults as a job. They are responsible in their professional roles for safeguarding. They both failed massively in their personal lives to do this - in fact, they lied and facilitated this man’s access to children in the family.

I think there is no reason why that shouldn’t be taken in account. I would have no trouble talking about my relationship with this paedophile and the steps I’ve taken to keep my own and other children safe. If he has young children of his own who can’t even visit his home because he has prioritised his stepson, that is worrying from a safeguarding perspective.

[Lumene]

Not sure why a PP wants people not to use the word ‘paedophile’ and prefers ‘sex offender’?!? Particularly as in this case the fact his history involves sexual interest in/contact with children in particular.

[Villageidiots]

I can't believe this. My brother has been in prison. It has no impact on my character or behaviour and I would be horrified if someone sought to use this against me.

[ExhaustedGrinch]

If he is living with SS then yes I would let them know. I personally wouldn't want someone taking care of my child (in any setting) if they were living with a convicted paedophile.

I know many people who have to disclose who they live with and if there are any people close to them who have convictions for work purposes.

[JenniR29]

Thinking about it I do think it’s a valid point that if he continues to associate with his stepson that is potentially problematic.

But you’d still need to be totally sure of that before saying anything. Do you actually know he’s a paedophile too? Has he been convicted? It’s a hell of an accusation if you are just basing it on rumours.

[jamesforagirl]

Wow! This is dreadful. There are hundreds of thousands of people in prison for a variety of reasons, should their innocent families be judged the same way too? Just wow!

[fernandoanddenise]

I knew a teacher who’s new DH was a paedophile and without going into details it was very relevant. There’s a reason that in some professions you have to declare if your family/spouse etc have convictions like this. I can see why the OP has asked this question.

[fromnowhere]

Villageidiots it's not to be vindictive, when it comes to the sexual abuse and rape of children, do you not think we should be more cautious?
If I was closely related to someone who had been committed of heinous crimes against children and I then wanted to work with children, I would fully expect it to be raised and for me to explain how that impacted me and what I did to ensure they had no contact with my children or any children in my care (or who I may have information about). It's not vigilanteeism, it's good safeguarding?

[Jimdandy]

Yabvu!! I could not control what my adult step children did or any adult family member for that matter.

Ludicrous!!

[Bellyfullofbiscuits]

What are your concerns about the man ?

[cdtaylornats]

Why would they take the word of a known associate of a peadophiles family?

[Glovesick]

My ex husband is a child sex offender, events were before we met, but he was arrested while we were married. I have battled with guilt by association, even though I left him and cut all contact. It is such a terrible thing.

Might I add that sex offenders need to be surrounded by good, strong people, who stop them from reoffending once out of prison. So this man is probably actually a protective factor for his stepson, not a danger to children.

Ok, attitudes like yours are so destructive.

[CaptainMyCaptain]

If he lives with a convicted paedophile, ie on the sex offenders register, this will come out in the DBS and he will be barred. This would be true of a teacher anyway. If the stepson has not been convicted, even if you do know him to be a paedophile, it won't be considered.