To have left the 12 week old crying for 30 mins

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Baby will not nap and is over tired. I've spent all morning feeding, rocking, patting, bouncy chair with music, having her in the sling. The only thing that makes her quiet is feeding but she does not go to sleep and screams when I drop. she scratched my chest to bits and was not happy in the sling. I've basically ignored older sibling for that time, which is really unfair on him. I have no one else who can have either of them, so I've had to put her down and accept that she is going to cry persistently, because I need to give older child some attention.

AIBU? I feel terrible but please I do not need the attachment parenting lobby to come on here and shout at me for daring to have a second child or something.

Half an hour is a bit too long for my liking. If she wants to be held or feed i dont know why you have to ignore your older child?

Well if feeding keeps her quiet, is she hungry?

YANBU but how about taking them both out for a walk? I know newborns can be shitty but they’re not likely to scream for an entire 30 minute walk x

Nope, not at all. I had the world's most difficult baby - I'm not kidding, he cried from the minute he got up until he went to bed - until he was about 18 months and then he just became a difficult toddler!

I had to leave him to cry otherwise I was going to lose the plot and I also had an older child to tend to. I remember calling the HV one day when I was at the end of my tether and she asked where he was (in his cot) and said to me, then he's fine, he'll come to no harm if you just leave him to cry it out, he'll eventually go to sleep. And he did. And he was fine. And how his a giant pain in my ass teenager.

Don't feel guilty. I'm sure there will be lots of people along to tell you that OMG you're the worst person for leaving them to cry it out but you're not. Do what you need to get through each day with your sanity in check.

She is so tiny! There are plenty of things you can do with your eldest while holding and feeding your baby.

“Half an hour is a bit too long for my liking. If she wants to be held or feed i dont know why you have to ignore your older child?”

Because how can she feed and give her older child full attention?

Can you not get a better sling? 30 mins is too long for any kid let alone a tiny baby

So sorry you are having such a hard time!

Could baby be getting sick?
If this is not normal behaviour, I would go to doctor.
Maybe baby is cluster feeding?

One time won't have done any long term damage but I do think it's too far too long for it to become a habit. If she's only happy when feeding can't you let her just feed while you chat with the older sibling? Perhaps it's a growth spurt and she needs to feed to up your supply or she's just unsettled and needs the comfort.

No offence but it’s totally normal behaviour. Quite a few posts here from people who haven’t recently had a 12 week old...

Not being able to give the older child her full attention and IGNORING the older child are not the same thing

What about a dummy?

I feel your pain op. I have a 7 month old who is the fussiest baby I’ve ever known, even now she’s asleep on me after a feed as I can’t put her down without her waking up. I have to say though, for me half an hour feels too long. Are you breastfeeding? It’s worth speaking to the GP if they’re always unsettled. Our dd has CMPA and once I cut dairy out of my diet she was a different baby. Still difficult, but she no longer screams all day.

And FWIW i have an 8 week old baby, and four older children ....

YANBU. You need time, your other children need time.

I don't see an issue with this tbh. When you have other children sometimes needs must. It's safer to out down and walk away when things are getting too much.

I would however make an appointment at the doctor's, the constant feeding and wanting to be held upright screams reflux to me.

I think id be heading out for a walk or drive if that's an option for you.

Well I would’ve used that language to describe not being able to give my older child attention either.

Mum can you get me the scissors/ make me a snack/ help me with my colouring/ change the tv Channel... no darling sorry I am stuck under a feeding baby. You’ll have to try and understand... even though your world has been turned upside down by the arrival of this screaming baby and you just want some time with your mummy again...

Just because they’re not screaming doesn’t mean this situation isn’t affecting the older child FAR more

Hi OP

I guess ideally its not great but honestly, she wont remember it, it wont affect attachment if you're close the rest of the time and it really sounded like you didnt have any other choice.

It sounds really really tough and well done for getting through the day, I know even a short burst of screaming is hard to endure.

But if she sits and feeds the baby then the baby wont be screaming. She can talk to her older dc, they can colour or build with blocks, do a puzzle, lots of things. She doesnt need to ignore either child

I'd also go to the doctors

30 minutes to a 12 week old would probably be the equivalent to an adult crying for 8 hours. She’s not even been alive for half a year yet.

I know it’s stressful and difficult when they’re inconsolable, and it makes you wish you’d never had kids, but this is they only way she knows how to tell you something is wrong. She’s not doing it to piss you off, upset you or be annoying.

Fair enough 5 mins whilst you get your head together and sort out your older child. 30 mins is way too long. If she’s quiet when feeding her why don’t you just feed her?

YADNBU - I'd be very surprised if there are any 12 week olds who haven't cried for half an hour at one point or another and it sounds like she was overtired and you'd tried everything else. She would likely have cried whether you'd have been there patting/rocking etc or not, but at least this way you'd older child got a little bit of mummy time.