Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have left the 12 week old crying for 30 mins

321 replies

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 08/11/2019 14:01

Baby will not nap and is over tired. I've spent all morning feeding, rocking, patting, bouncy chair with music, having her in the sling. The only thing that makes her quiet is feeding but she does not go to sleep and screams when I drop. she scratched my chest to bits and was not happy in the sling. I've basically ignored older sibling for that time, which is really unfair on him. I have no one else who can have either of them, so I've had to put her down and accept that she is going to cry persistently, because I need to give older child some attention.

AIBU? I feel terrible but please I do not need the attachment parenting lobby to come on here and shout at me for daring to have a second child or something.

OP posts:
Jack80 · 09/11/2019 20:42

Your baby was safe in the cot, if you can go for a walk next time try that also

raysan1 · 09/11/2019 20:46

YANBU
You have tried everything else, it is a very difficult situation. Are you swaddling and using white noise?

Catsinthecupboard · 09/11/2019 21:33

I could not let my babies cry. It was physically and emotionally impossible to not pick them up.

However, dh used to be the only way to stop them sometimes. He has a bit of a belly and when they were young like yours, he would walk them up and down the hallway of our tiny cottage. Their head on his shoulder, crying in his ear, knees tucked up and resting on his belly shelf.

Their knees would tuck up under them and somehow his belly and shoulder would position them just right until the gas passed.

He still loves to boast abt how he could fix them when I couldn't.

I was not picked up when I cried and it is still an issue for me. I don't trust that I will be helped if I need it.
If you think you will harm baby, absolutely go out of the room.
We have all done that. (Reached end of rope, not harmed)
Try not to if possible please.
[ flowers]

Doesitevenmatternow · 09/11/2019 21:42

Op you are doing your best. I cannot believe some of the replies here. I had the world's easiest baby and I still found it exhausting. One day (only one!) she cried all day long. I could not bear it. At one point I just closed the door and sat down with a cup of tea for ten minutes. I had to. And that was only one day.

Just keep doing your best.

RumpyBall · 09/11/2019 22:15

Be wary that though it seems as though it’s the only thing to placate her, as there’s no milk it will mean she’s taking in a lot of air which in turn will give her a bad tummy. I made this mistake with my son and it turned out it was actually the cause of him continuing to be miserable.

Apologies if this has been mentioned as haven’t RTFT.

MarvellousMayhem · 09/11/2019 23:17

It could be a Wonder week? I found the book handy(there’s an app now) to read if baby or I was having an off day and a lot of the time knowing why and that it will pass helps.
Also there’s the association of breastfeeding mothers who you can call and chat to for support.

fahhhhlaaaalaaah · 10/11/2019 00:00

I really feel for you OP - having a baby who cries constantly unless attached to you 24/7 would drive anyone insane - for those criticising you for leaving a baby safely in a crib crying other than the same baby crying whilst being held and not breast feeding - shame on you. Your experience is not the OP's experience.

One critical post stood out for me re dummies and how it's detrimental to give to babies - can't remember the exact user name but something like 'crispysausagerolls' - when you're absolutely at the end of your tether, when you've tried absolutely anything and you can feel yourself going mad - 'shoving a bit of (perfectly safe) plastic in a baby's mouth and the baby stops crying is not -sub-standard parenting ffs - you and people like you are vile - tunnel vision and not taking a distressed parent's feelings into account.

I'm glad OP has has had lots of good advice and is ignoring the 'must BF until 12 years of age and wear a hessian sack at the same time as donning a cruicifix to FF and anyone who would defer from it.

I had an incredibly easy son who never cried unless hungry - it was still bloody hard as a new mother and those who criticise unless the child is constantly 'on the boob' (God I hate that saying OP) - wind your necks in - Dummies are not evil - leaving baby to cry for a while is not neglect and finally - before you put the boot in have a bloody heart for how you felt with a baby 12 weeks.

Whatisthatcatdoingnow · 10/11/2019 00:52

Lots of sympathy, OP. Sounds like a bit of a nightmare half hour for the whole lot of you. Also sounds as though you're between a rock and a hard place trying to meet both your children's needs. And toddlers definitely have needs as well as babies! I've never seen any credible evidence that a one-off episode of crying will ruin your baby but I've seen a lot of toxic sibling relationships that started when one child was completely shoved aside for the newborn and expected just to "suck it up". So nothing is ever black and white. Wishing you a better day tomorrow!

leighb23 · 11/11/2019 09:34

I've got as far as this comment from you, op. I'm not reading further. My lb was a crier, there'd be all options explored, nah he'd still be bawling. My hv also said to me (as a pp said) if baby is in their cot it will not hurt. They have to learn to go to sleep etc of their own accord. You're doing fine - you'll always get a difference of opinion on here, but as long as it's not all day every day I'm sure bubba will be fine x

She hates the pram. She isn't hungry, she is sucking for comfort but is not a fan of a dummy. Older sibling is a toddler who can only take so long of doing boring things while I am glued to the sofa with her on boob, he needs me to actually engage with him properly just for a bit and actually get down and play with him, not to mention ger him some lunch.

She cries even being held if not on boob.

Suleika · 11/11/2019 12:21

I feel for you. My first (luckily!) was like this from day 1. He was literally permanently attached, and screamed non stop when put down. He also didn't see the need to sleep unless in the car or pram, when he woke the second motion stopped. I made it to week 6 when a HV mentioned he might be hungry. I couldn't see how this was humanly possible, but tried formula. He drank 3 ounces immediately without pausing...and went to sleep. That was a turning point. My second one was totally different - no problem at all. Suggest you get a HV or Dr to take a look just in case, as it's not usual for you. Good luck

Doneanddone · 11/11/2019 21:15

@Passthecherrycoke what a loser comment. Entirely unsympathetic and soooo judgmental. Bet you ride a bike and don’t eat dairy.

Passthecherrycoke · 12/11/2019 00:38

What are you talking about doneandone? Confused

MondayTuesdayWednesday · 12/11/2019 11:49

I know it is hard when you have a baby that won't settle but leaving a child of that age to cry for 30 minutes is really not right.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 28/02/2021 18:00

Whilst not ideal, I don't judge you for letting the baby cry for 30 minutes, if he or she was going to be crying anyway it might as well be in the cot. They won't come to any harm from this. Sometimes you have to do these things to keep your sanity.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 28/02/2021 18:07

You've really not done anything to feel guilty about by the way. This is not shocking or abnormal behaviour. Baby was well fed and in a safe place.

User5768 · 28/02/2021 18:28

@Talkwhilstyouwalk this thread is from 2019

PeterRabbitsLuckyFoot · 28/02/2021 19:15

Zombie!!!

LochNessSwim · 28/02/2021 19:19

That’s a long time to leave a tiny baby is such distress. I remember DC1 wanting to breastfeed for nearly 16 hours non-stop. Wouldn’t be put down. Christ knows why, but it was a one-off thankfully. So many babies seem to have reflux or an allergy or something. I’d follow up with the GP to discuss. The other time he cried incessantly it turned out to be a UTI. So I’d be worried what the cause is

ReverendRicketyCricket · 28/02/2021 19:22

ZOMBIE THREAD

Why exactly did you bump this @Talkwhilstyouwalk ?

LindyLou2020 · 28/02/2021 20:05

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Baby will not nap and is over tired. I've spent all morning feeding, rocking, patting, bouncy chair with music, having her in the sling. The only thing that makes her quiet is feeding but she does not go to sleep and screams when I drop. she scratched my chest to bits and was not happy in the sling. I've basically ignored older sibling for that time, which is really unfair on him. I have no one else who can have either of them, so I've had to put her down and accept that she is going to cry persistently, because I need to give older child some attention.

AIBU? I feel terrible but please I do not need the attachment parenting lobby to come on here and shout at me for daring to have a second child or something.

Colic? Just a thought...... Your experience mirrors mine with my baby son 30-odd years ago. I tried everything, just like you have. You are NOT a bad mother! Flowers My GP and health visitor had no answers, so I made my own decision, when he was 12 weeks old, to try solids once a day to start with. Problem solved instantly.
LindyLou2020 · 28/02/2021 20:09

Oh, and dummy. I was desperate. He outgrew the dummy btw 😊

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread