To have left the 12 week old crying for 30 mins

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Baby will not nap and is over tired. I've spent all morning feeding, rocking, patting, bouncy chair with music, having her in the sling. The only thing that makes her quiet is feeding but she does not go to sleep and screams when I drop. she scratched my chest to bits and was not happy in the sling. I've basically ignored older sibling for that time, which is really unfair on him. I have no one else who can have either of them, so I've had to put her down and accept that she is going to cry persistently, because I need to give older child some attention.

AIBU? I feel terrible but please I do not need the attachment parenting lobby to come on here and shout at me for daring to have a second child or something.

Do you have any that actually include links @CripsSandwiches? I can’t open anything you’ve posted

I’m assuming you wouldn’t be linking us to 50 odd pages and expecting them to be read, obviously, since you already have the relevant information to hand?

Ps. She was in the same room I just could not be physically holding her. Had her in a bouncy chair & was patting her every few mins but she just wouldn't stop crying. I really don't think she needs formula, plenty of wet nappies and her weight gain is fine. She wasn't always like this but this week seems to have decided to be a total boob addict.

Btw 2 yr old is asleep now if you are wondering how I'm ignoring him now

God, where is the support here!?

This lady has just had a baby 12 WEEKS ago and is doing her best. Do people really need to use phrases like fucking horrible?!

Even if you do disagree (this is AIBU after all) please exercise some kindness to fellow mums.

I think some of the responses on here are fucking horrible, not the OP reaching out for advice on how to soothe her baby.

Let's try building each other up, not tearing each other down...

It could be teeth brewing. DS got his first one through at 15 weeks but it was a work in progress for a while before that.

I am a single parent with a CMPA baby who had bad reflux for the first year so I know what the constant crying is like. 30 mins is far too long though and I don't think it's something you should repeat. Step away for 5-10 mins but you can't just shut her away and focus on something else over her screams.

I found a sling very helpful in the early months. A swing and bouncer only worked for about 10 mins unfortunately

Bit cruel. And I’ve had a cryer.

There’s no need to be so defensive about your actions either.

If you’re not comfortable with something, don’t do it.
Don’t do it and then get defensive at people who don’t agree with it.
If you 100% agreed with it you’d have not posted this thread.
No one is being malicious.

Crying is a communication, if the baby cries continuously, then you haven't got to the bottom of the problem "No pun intended" If DD is quiet when feeding, and cries when you stop she may need more. If she has gulped it down, she may need winding. If she likes the warmth of your body put her in a sling. There will be a reason for her crying even if you never find out what it is. YANBU, However you must not ignore DS, it's not his fault, some babies do cry a lot, and some seem to be no bother at all. Stay calm, include DS in your discussion about his sister's crying, and try and keep them both entertained. Sometimes a Df, or Grand Parent can break the spell. Try a music box, or toy train to see if that breaks the cycle of crying.

I tried CC when DD was 10mo and I couldn't even manage 3 minutes!

If a toddler or an older child was distressed and crying in their room would you leave them there alone and ignore them for 30 minutes?

If it’s not ok for an older child why is it ok for a baby?

It’s done now though OP and I genuinely believe that for anyone to leave a 3 month old crying alone for 30 minutes then they must have been at the absolutely end of their tether to resort to that. Things are really hard when there is another child is in the mix and your baby is being difficult so I sympathise with how overwhelming it can seem at times. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you can’t take it back now but it may be best to think of another way of dealing with the situation if it arises again

If's it's definitely a suckling issue (dd2 had it) I reckon your idea about getting a selection of dummies is a good one. We'd tried her on the same (rather expensive) ones that dd1 happily used & they got spat out in anger (made her even more cross). We tried one last brand (with not much hope at a cost of 99p) and instantly she was satisfied. I made sure though that her new found comfort didn't affect my supply. Good luck I know how awful it is especially with a toddler to keep alive and happy.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland firstly.. breath.

Ignore those saying you are an awful person. You're fucking human. End of.

In my honest opinion 30 mins is too long. BUT. It is a struggle. My HV said if baby is crying and you think for a second you cant cope then go to a different room. Make sure baby is safe. Shut the door. And count to 10.

Long term.. try new things. Teething could be a thing. My DD had her first through at..15 weeks?
Try one dummy. If that doesn't work. Try a different one.
Try the TV. Try the radio. You will find your happy medium

I know they're horrible things but all mine had dummies for my sanity, so I'm glad you're trying some!

You can make a wrap - 2 wraps - from 5 or 6 m of Tshirt weight cotton Jersey sliced lengthways. The solly baby website shows how to wrap it. I got jersey cheaply on ebay.

You poor thing, you sound stretched desperately thin... I hope things calm down a bit soon!

*In addition.. speak to your HV for some support mentally.

Owwww OP you’ve asked and not liked some of the responses and I understand that. 12weeks is still very early . I think YABU but I mean it kindly.
They will go through those growth spurts where you just can’t breathe without them being on the breast but it will pass. A 12week old should be held and comforted as much as possible and ignoring them is not something that will be good for them in the long run.
When you have some quiet time plan out some hand activities for you and your oldest that you can complete one handed, colouring, reading, stickers etc maybe?

Why is everyone assuming I ignored the baby? I didnt. I just couldn't pick her up and feed her, so she didn't stop crying. I was in the room, talking to her, patting her etc but couldn't be feeding her and she is SO sucky that's the only thing that settles her.to be really clear....i did not put her in a pram down the bottom of the garden.

Have you tried a dummy? Some take time to get used to it as well. She probably wants to suck rather than being hungry. Try Infacol in case she is windy and Nelson's Teetha for her gums. And I think leaving to cry is fine once you have exhausted all other options.

What attention can you give a 2 year old when a baby is screaming their head off?

I just don’t understand what you’re getting at here/ what you’re trying to justify?

30 mins is far too long to leave a little baby crying

you can have a baby on your lap/feedig and do blocks or colouring with your other child

My 2yo’s were always so helpful in this situation as well trying to help me stop them from crying/ trying to rock them, shhing etc.

You shouldn’t feel bad for being pushed to your limit but at the same time you don’t have to blame your 2yo needing imaginary attention for 30 minutes. (I think you’re making the need for your 2yo to have attention up to yourself to make you feel justified in your actions towards your 12wo)

You’re being really really cheeky and if you’ve the time to come on here and be rude when helpful suggestions are being given to you then actually you’re not that hard pressed.

You stated you had left your older child and was ignoring them, so was it fair to just leave the baby to cry?
And actually putting them in a bouncer and sshing them is ignoring them. Babies need to be held and be close to their primary care giver , it’s natural , it’s survival.

God the perfect mother brigade is out in force today.
OP I would try calpol and a bottle of formula. That way you can start to eliminate pain and hunger. My DS (who had CMPI) started teething around that age although no actual teeth appeared till 6 months.
When my 2nd DC was inconsolable it was always when he was coming down with something (usually an ear infection). No temperature or other symptoms till the next day when I would realise, ohh, that's why he was so upset.

Have you got a swing? Baby might still cry but once she's fed put her in the swing and try different dummies. My dc hated all dummies except advent, howled a lot. Plus colic? Prime age for it.

Might be worth expressing or trying a mix feed in case she's hungry. If you've done everything then pop her in the swing so she has movement and even if cries you can focus on dc1.

I don't think YWBU OP, I've been there. I spent 3 hours once trying to soothe my first and nothing was working, he screamed solidly for that time. I did everything you're meant to try, and finally half-dropped him onto the bed in front of me in despair. He gave a sort of dying gasp and immediately fell asleep. I firmly believe that my touch was too much for him and he just needed to be alone. I've been a fan of put down and walk off ever since.

30 minutes is perhaps a bit too long, but I can understand how you got there.

OP I would try calpol and a bottle of formula. That way you can start to eliminate pain and hunger.

OP doesn't want to give formula, and calpol? You just give calpol to a 12 week old to 'try' ?