To have left the 12 week old crying for 30 mins

[NoIDontWatchLoveIsland]

Baby will not nap and is over tired. I've spent all morning feeding, rocking, patting, bouncy chair with music, having her in the sling. The only thing that makes her quiet is feeding but she does not go to sleep and screams when I drop. she scratched my chest to bits and was not happy in the sling. I've basically ignored older sibling for that time, which is really unfair on him. I have no one else who can have either of them, so I've had to put her down and accept that she is going to cry persistently, because I need to give older child some attention.

AIBU? I feel terrible but please I do not need the attachment parenting lobby to come on here and shout at me for daring to have a second child or something.

It sounds like you are trying to do your best for both your children, don't beat yourself up about not being able to be super mum every minute of the day. I am sure you are doing a great job.

OP, I remember when my daughter (who is now 15 months) was around that age and it was truly exhausting, emotionally draining, and confidence destroying. It's so heartbreaking to see your baby so upset and trying everything to soothe, and it just doesn't work. Made me feel useless sometimes!

There are so many different reasons as to why baby might be crying and if it's more than one thing, it's hard to figure it out. I do know there is something they call 'period of purple crying' which is a term used to describe colic or even just general fussiness. Colic is one of the more common reasons as to why a young baby may cry, as far as I know.

I believe my daughter had bad colic, and that's why she went through periods of near constant crying. I'm sure you already know all about colic but I just thought I would make that suggestion in case.

My daughter was also teething at 12 weeks, which added to her discomfort! There are also studies which suggest that crying in babies is sometimes not actually due to any particular physical issue, but it's rather a developmental process they must go through to bond with the mother and receive affection/comfort.

I was told by my health visitor when our baby was newborn, that during periods of extreme fussiness, it's good for the father/friend/relative to take Baby away for a moment and let baby calm down, be away from your scent, and have a distraction.

As long as you have checked her temperature and it's normal, check her skin for any marks/rashes, and she is still willing to feed I would say it sounds like a severe bout of fussiness and it will pass (obviously if your instincts are telling you to take her to docs, do that by all means).

Everything will be fine and it does get easier, sometimes!

Sending you hugs x

12 weeks is so little. Honestly, I dont know how you managed 30 minutes. I had a v unsettled cmpa baby and a one year old toddler so I know it's not easy. 30 minutes though. I'm afraid it was unreasonable.

I have a 12 week old too and he's definitely in some pain with his gums/teeth. I don't think any are coming through yet but he's in a lot of discomfort and making all the traditional teething signs.

All babies are different. With my second, she would wind herself up if tired and no amount of soothing, cuddling, singing etc would help. She got stressier and stressier and only sleep would fix it but my presence seemed to annoy the fuck out of her so there have been times she’s cried herself to sleep and it’s horrid. She was/still is a baby that needs to be put down at the right time or there is hell to pay. In every other way she is an easy baby but it was a shock to the system having to be so careful about nap times when my first just slept when she was tired or could be sung and cuddled to sleep.

Jellybeabs

Reassurance I suppose, that other people have struggled with a very sucky baby crying a lot, with a toddler to care for too, and that sometimes you cannot always feed the baby constantly.

I think next time, leaving her to cry for say 3 x separate 10 minute stints rather than 30 mins at a stretch will be better for all three of you. Keep persisting with different dummies - have you tried the Mam ones?

Sounds like maybe a growth spurt if she just needs to feed constantly so hopefully a short term thing.

OP just wanted to say I'm sorry for being a dick earlier.

@Passthecherrycoke was right, I have not had a 12 week old for quite some time and it is VERY easy to forget.

I don't know why I thought it was ok to have a pop at you tbh, you are mum to a small baby and a toddler who needs you just as much.

I feel awful for not being more supportive and I hope your baby settles and you find a good balance between the 2 of them real soon

I think 30 mins is far too long to leave such a tiny baby. Let them feed while you read or do a puzzle with your elder one. I know it is hard, but you can't just ignore the baby's distress.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland - if you think it's teething, try some calpol and any teething stuff that's age appropriate (I don't remember if ashton & parsons or anbesol liquid can be used before 4 months, sorry). That'll give you your answer.

Of course op, I’ve never debated that at all.
I have said you don’t need to justify that by using your toddler.

The best justification to yourself is right- I’m at the end of my tether, I can’t do anything else for you/ I’ve consistently tried. I’m backing away.

Also- to the other post who said this ‘ My DS (who had CMPI) started teething around that age although no actual teeth appeared till 6 months’

I am absolutely baffled at the logic.

But to add I don't think YWBU. I was in your position not so long ago with a potty training toddler and a newborn. Toddler quickly realised if he said he 'needed a poo' then that would be the only surefire way to get me to ignore DS2 and give him full attention. I felt awful!

Also, which sling are you using? I upgraded to the Lillebaby (a fixed carrier type with no fabric between adult and baby) at 4 months, which was so much easier to walk around in while feeding, I loved the close caboo but never worked out feeding positions. I know lots of women find feeding in a Tula walking around ok too.

It’s almost as logical as my mil who says that her sons teething symptom was a cold.

Because teeth growing in a completely natural way gives you a virus...

“You need to find a way to meet the needs of both and keep yourself sane.”

Wibble.

I've just ordered mam dummies and demanded DH come home from work early!!

Mrex - she likes close caboo if DH uses it. If I try she gets v frustrated without boob in.

2 of my 5 dc have only accepted cherry teat dummies, the tommee tippee ones are £2 at tesco

There is nothing wrong with trying 2.5ml calpol to see if it helps teething pain mine started teething at 16 weeks and that’s how I found out- the crying stopped after the calpol took effect

Reassurance I suppose, that other people have struggled with a very sucky baby crying a lot, with a toddler to care for too, and that sometimes you cannot always feed the baby constantly.

Of course you can’t, OP. MN is famous for people who “just” do X, Y and Z while whipping up a lemon syllabub. Don’t take it personally. You’re doing your best.

Wow op is getting a hammering. You’re only 12 weeks in and if you have a demanding toddler it’s really really hard.

30 mins is too long unattended imo but if you’re in the room trying to comfort I see little harm. They can’t be on the boob 24:7.

Honestly (donning hard hat) I’d be persevering with the dummy and I’d possibly consider switching to formula just to give you a break. I bf my first two but with dc3 I ended up formula feeding cos it was just too hard to do with the older ones.

Dc1 started to teeth at 12 weeks too, cut a tooth at 14 was not a fun time.

Be kind to yourself though it’s only early days- It does get better.

I’d switch to formula in a second in your shoes, OP. Obviously that’s your call but this isn’t tenable.

You just give calpol to a 12 week old to 'try' ?

There is nothing wrong with doing that. We can suspect things like teething pain but can never be sure, so it doesn't hurt to see if it helps. You can give it to them from 2 months.

Mrex we have a winner!

I just dug out an old structured carrier (a baby Bjorn - not amazing I know, was planning to replace this time) and put her in it facing forward.... She likes it!!!!!!!

It was the mam dummies dd2 refused but like pp would only accept the cherry tommee tippee ones (you can get them from Poundland too) it's definitely trial & error, I could almost start my own dummy musuem!