Mil left the building yesterday and I promptly had a blissful snooze on the sofa with DD, something I couldn't do when I was hosting her. It wasn't all bad, we did actually have an ok afternoon watching Say Yes to the Dress. Mil got quite into it and tried to comment on all the dresses. In terms of 'looking after' DD I think she was trying to be helpful but I found her presence more of a hindrance than help at times. For instance she didn't offer to change nappies but would hover over me when I did, to the extent that I was almost tripping over her when I tried to move around. We gave DD a bath and again she was hovering over us in our small bathroom, trying to dart around to fetch the towel etc (just as I was about to get it). Again I think she was trying to be helpful or she thought she was being helpful but I personally found it quite uncomfortable having her over over me/us when we were caring for our baby. Same with the breastfeeding thing. She could have just asked if I needed help and then I could have said no, or I could have directed her to do something useful.
With regards to English lessons as someone here mentioned above, she HAS been taking weekly classes since she moved to the UK nearly 40 years ago, but she mainly interacts with people who speak her language (colleagues, relatives and friends) so she hasn't actually developed the confidence to speak English fluently. We sort of understood each other but we weren't exactly having riveting conversations. I don't want this to be an anti- immigration thing though, because her children have gone on to do very well academically and professionally (it's part of their culture that they have to do well at school).
The part of the visit that I found hardest was mil's assumption that she was somehow entitled to have DD whenever she wanted (even when she was sleeping in my arms or clearly needed feeding), and that I should leave DD alone with her. The first thing she said to me when she arrived was that I needed to put the baby down (said repeatedly) when she was asleep in my arms. Being a new mum to a newborn this alone really upset me, mil has no right to tell me when I should or shouldn't hold my own child. She also said I should give DD boiled water when quite clearly DD needs nothing more than my milk. This is precisely why I can't leave mil alone with DD for more than a few minutes, so the previous suggestions that I should have let mil look after DD whilst I had a bath or went for a walk wouldn't work, I'd been terrified to leave them alone in case something happened. Mil also seemed to panic every time DD cried, thinking there was something wrong with her ( newborn babies do cry), hence the attempt to come into the nursery when DD was crying at night. Towards the end of the visit I was starting to become a bit of a nervous wreck but just managed to hold it together. I was so much happier yesterday, being able to do what I wanted to do when I wanted to it without having to worry about someone else. Mil lives a 3 hour train journey away from us, future visits have not been discussed yet but I've made it clear that 2 nights is an absolute max, in fact a 1 night- 2 day visit would probably be enough to get in a few cuddles without driving me nuts.
I do respect mil's culture but I also put my own wellbeing first, and I feel that this 3 day visit (same as my parents) was plenty of time for cuddles and catch up. Mil's own daughter lives much further away from her and only sees her mum a couple of times a year, last time she only visited her mum for 2 hours so I feel that I've done more than enough during this visit. Hopefully SIL has her own baby soon so mil can start dishing 'helpful' advice to her.