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Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat
408

mummydoingamasters · 05/11/2019 13:27

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

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MrsJoshNavidi · 05/11/2019 13:29

If say she was just trying to help. If you'd prefer that she didn't handle your baby you only had to say so.

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crustycrab · 05/11/2019 13:30

Honestly, they were trying to help. Staff in Asda did this with mine and I was so grateful. It's much better than them staring at you as if you don't know how to parent your children

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GrumpyHoonMain · 05/11/2019 13:30

I think she could see you were struggling and tried to help. I personally would be complimenting the cashier not complaining about her.

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Lelly0503 · 05/11/2019 13:30

YANBU I think it’s fine to ask and say can I help you or offer to help in some
Other way but to take the child out the seat without even asking is a bit much. It was obviously well intentioned but it was a bit misplaced. Like you say helping with your shopping so you could of picked up DD would of been the better option. I have two DC same as yours and I do find when I’m out people offer to help which I do really appreciate but sometimes I’d rather just be left to get on with it? I find it easier and quicker if I just do what I need to do myself when one of them is kicking off

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PickettBowtruckles · 05/11/2019 13:30

I get not liking strangers picking her up and I’d probably have been annoyed too, but in all honesty they were probably just trying to help and your partner going nuts is over dramatic. Mildly annoyed is understandable, have a little grumble and move on. I wouldn’t be contacting the company to complain if you’d already told the staff member you didn’t like it.

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hopeishere · 05/11/2019 13:31

Your DH also went nuts because they lifted the baby?

I could not get worked up about something like this. They were only trying to help.

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Damntheman · 05/11/2019 13:32

They were just trying to help, as other PP have said this is a far kinder response than judgemental looks while you struggle. I agree, they could have helped with the shopping instead but they don't know that if you don't say so. Next time use a calm voice and gently ask for them to help with the shopping so you can comfort your child yourself.

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Lonelymum11 · 05/11/2019 13:32

I'd have been annoyed and agree that helping with the shopping would have been better. However I would not complain to the shop about it

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SooticaTheWitchesCat · 05/11/2019 13:32

I was living in Turkey when my DD was a baby and people would often offer to hold her when I was shopping, on the bus etc. I got used to it so and found it kind and helpful.

If you don't want people to help just ask them nicely not to. Complaining to the company after would be wrong, when all they were doing was trying to help/

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ScrubDubdub · 05/11/2019 13:32

I agree that better to help with the shopping !

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Basilicaofthemind · 05/11/2019 13:32

They were trying to help. I know it’s often not actually helpful at all as the baby doesn’t want a stranger but there were no bad intentions and no harm done.

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EmeraldShamrock · 05/11/2019 13:32

I find it hard to believe an assistant handling money would lift a baby. Hmm
What supermarket did it happen in?
If it happened I'd complain. Seems a little OTT the assistant with a dirty glove touching your baby and another lifting your baby.

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AnotherEmma · 05/11/2019 13:33

I think your partner is the one who overreacted. Does often "go nuts" about minor things?!

I can understand why you're upset, as I do think it was strange and unprofessional

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Ladybirdman · 05/11/2019 13:34

Wow. What a world you live in.

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EmeraldShamrock · 05/11/2019 13:34

If you out the supermarket they'll be flooded with babies. Grin

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AnotherEmma · 05/11/2019 13:35

Argh hit post too soon.

I think the shop assistant was unprofessional and should not have picked up your baby without asking you first. I agree with you that it would have made more sense to offer to help you with the shopping so you could comfort the baby.

On a practical note, do you have a sling or carrier? They are very handy for shopping with a baby, when DS was little I'd pop him in the carrier and he was happy. I had my hands free to push the trolley, the only slightly tricky bit was bending down to get things from the lower shelves!

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IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 05/11/2019 13:35

If they wanted to help why didn’t they say “oh we’ll load your shopping and you can comfort her”?

They wanted a cuddle. They should’ve asked. Babies aren’t public property.

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TrustyPatches · 05/11/2019 13:35

Having worked in a retail for a long time and being a parent myself I would never touch a child without permission, and like you say my first instinct would be to help with shopping. That being said I have on request helped a mother with twins to feed her young children. Please don't complain about the cashier as she was obviously trying to help. Next time just make it known that you don't like strangers touching your baby.

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Thehagonthehill · 05/11/2019 13:35

I'd probably have thanked them.

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bellsbuss · 05/11/2019 13:37

When my son was younger he would always start moaning in Sainsbury's when I was trying to pack the shopping and a lady who worked there would always come over and take him out of the trolly and settle him for me. It never crossed my mind to be annoyed just grateful.

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OrangeSlices998 · 05/11/2019 13:37

Are people actually suggesting OP feel grateful a complete stranger picked up her baby without asking, rather than helping with the shopping or asking first? OP YANBU.

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timeforawine · 05/11/2019 13:37

Hi OP, I would not like that either, but i wouldn't complain seeing as you said something at the time.
I don't understand why people think it's ok to pick up someone elses child without asking. I am friends with a worker at my daughters nursery and even being friends i still waited until i was offered a cuddle.
She should have asked if you needed a hand with anything first.
Will your daughter go in a sling/carrier for your next shop so that it can't happen?

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mummydoingamasters · 05/11/2019 13:37

EmeraldShamrock i absolutely promise you, she picked her up without a word to me. She was already holding my child when I asked her not to pick her up. It was in a well known frozen food shop.

Thank you for the responses; I had no chance to say anything as I was unloading the trolley and thought nothing of her getting up as it didn't cross my mind that she would take my DD out of the trolley.
I don't want to 'complain ' as such, merely highlight that good intentions could be redirected.

Best case scenario, my DD is vaccinated, generally well and was born full term.
Worst case she could immunocompromised, have a virus worsened by another persons virus/germs, unvaccinated and make another person unwell if they are immunocompromised.

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Honeybee85 · 05/11/2019 13:39

They were trying to help, they weren’t running off with your baby....

Although I do understand that you were not happy about it. I also wouldn’t be though I wouldn’t complain about it to the shop. I think you’ve made your point by telling them you do not like strangers touching your baby.

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DustyMaiden · 05/11/2019 13:40

They should not have done that it is completely inappropriate. From the point of view of their employer it would be completely inappropriate too. They don’t know anything about that baby or her allergies or anything else. What if they dropped the baby or hurt her accidentally.

I don’t think you would be wrong to speak to the manager, you could say you know it was well intentioned.

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