Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat

[mummydoingamasters]

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

Warning if you go abroad to Spain on holiday or many other European countries, they will often lift you children or coo over then if they are unsettled and you are eating or busy ie shopping. It’s called help.

You're definitely overreacting if you're going through the might have beens to justify your reaction. She wasn't immunocompromised so why even bring that up.

Settling a crying baby, versus hitting the roof because you found out someone tried to do this. I know whose behaviour I'd be looking at here and it's not the shop assistants'. Is he often like this?

I would leave it. You said how you felt at the time. That's enough.

What the actual fuck.

She just unbuckled your baby and picked her up without asking if it was okay?

I’m with you OP, that absolutely crosses a line. That’s crazy. I’d be emailing management ASAP. Zero boundaries

Not every child like to be held by anyone. My DD when little she would scream louder if someone not familiar would pick her up. We had troubles even with her own granddad, which we see on regular basis.
The staff member should help with shopping.

I would have went off like a rocket at someone picking up my child. Your husband is right! I would complain.

Dh was at home the whole time?

"a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry"

I know you're trying to make a joke, but the fact that you'd characterise your baby crying as hostile is quite weird, even in jest.

@teraculum29 - same here, DD was the sort of baby who would scream the place down if anyone she didn't know laid a finger on her/talked to her/smiled/breathed in her direction!
So in this situation I would have probably said thanks whilst quickly grabbing her back before she had the chance to go nuclear.

It’s completely inappropriate to pick up a stranger’s baby. All they had to do was ask ‘Want me to pick her up for you?’ Yes, complain.

I wouldn't have found it particularly helpful, but your reaction and that of your partner is completely over the top. Nothing bad happened and the chance of anything bad happening because they picked her up is infinitesimally small. And being upset because they touched her hand with their glove - really?! They were just being nice and trying to help.

If you were embarrassed by her crying, why didn't you pick her up and try to comfort her yourself? I find it pretty irritating when people push screaming babies round a supermarket - I feel sorry for the poor child who is upset and is being ignored by their parent and I feel sorry for my poor ears too!

Worst case she could immunocompromised, have a virus worsened by another persons virus/germs, unvaccinated and make another person unwell if they are immunocompromised.

In that case the parent would have been downright irresponsible all round for taking the baby out to a supermarket.

I agree the staff member was trying to help, I'd have been grateful for the help in your situation but agree with pp if you weren't happy you only had to say rather than make a massive deal out of it later to your partner who then 'went nuts'

So just to clarify about DP - went nuts = expressed dissatisfaction. He is a lovely person who is protective of the DCs.

• I don't think your child was ever in danger?

I also agree with pp- handled wrongly this staff member will probably never offer help again!

Vulpine no he was at work. We tend to go first thing as it's quiet.

To those who have concerns about DP, he is not violent or angry. He just doesn't like strangers picking up his children without asking.

Thank you for the replies.

I get what you are saying but I am sure the staff were just trying to help and no harm done.

Don’t report her. She was trying to help and would probably be devastated that what was meant as a nice gesture had got her in trouble. Was she foreign by any chance? I’m an expat and in quite a few of countries I’ve lived in (including where I am now) this sort of behaviour is totally normal... it used to freak me out but I’m used to it now. It’s all done with kindness and good intentions.

Warning if you go abroad to Spain on holiday or many other European countries, they will often lift you children or coo over then if they are unsettled and you are eating or busy ie shopping. It’s called help

Yes! We were in Greece one year when DS was a baby, I went to the loo and when I came back he wasn’t in the high chair, DH pointed to where he was, in the arms of one of the waitresses looking at the boats in the harbour.

No harm done

With you OP, not sure how so many people are so meh about a random person picking up your child without asking. Who knows the last time they washed their hands, esp in a supermarket with all the difference people, produce, money they'd have touched that day

Rather than go nuts about it, maybe your DH should reflect on the fact that the problem wouldn't arise if he'd done the shopping for you, or been there to help.

I think that's one of the strangest comments I've ever read on Mumsnet.

I don't think YABU OP. I can see what people are saying, it was a kind thought but it's not difficult to ask first. I wouldn't have like this, mainly because at that age DS would have screamed if anyone he didn't know had picked him up.

she picked her up without a word to me
In this situation I would complain. Handling cash is similar to cleaning a public toilet with bare hands.
A shop assistant shouldn't touch food never mind a baby with cash handling hands.
I'd complain in case the next baby has a low immune system.
I've helped a struggling DM before in a supermarket I'd never ever touch their child.

I'm with you Op.

If she wanted to help-why didn't she ask?

I hate all this "put up with it because it was well intentioned" crap.

Baby is 12 weeks I'd be pissed off too.

Reallybadidea if you've ever been where we shop and my DCs were unhappy/crying/screaming then I apologise for their unhappiness.
As I was halfway through the shop, I decided to get it done and get home to comfort quicker rather than abandon and have to go out again.

My DC's tend to hate being indoors but as I have stuff to do, that sometimes outweighs the cries.

You must have been aware of her unbuckling her and picking her up, why didn't you just say something? it's not unreasonable to not be happy with it, but this is probably why people don't bother helping anymore and would rather watch someone struggle. If you had said to her please don't unbuckle her and she proceeded to then that's obviously wrong, but personally I'd let it go and learn to speak up.

I find it pretty irritating when people push screaming babies round a supermarket - I feel sorry for the poor child who is upset and is being ignored by their parent and I feel sorry for my poor ears too!

Oh whatever. What are people supposed to do, you can't always carry a child and do the shopping at the same time. When DS was little the only thing that would have comforted him was a bf, I had to rush around the supermarket whilst he screamed a few times to get everything and then get to somewhere I could sit down and comfort him. Hardly ignoring.

That's a pretty selfish attitude IMHO. I've had 4 children, so I do know it's difficult sometimes to get things done. Never left them screaming so I could do the shopping though.