Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat

[mummydoingamasters]

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

She probably shouldn't have done it but it obviously was done with the best intentions and no malice involved.

Wrong thing but for the right reason. I would not complain, it would be unfair in my opinion to get someone into trouble just because they had tried to help you.

Ott. If you did not want them to touch her why not politely say so during the time it took to unbuckle her.

I think staff cant win. Your partner went nuts really? Does he often do this?

I actually work at a big supermarket and we are told to interact with a child if they are upset to give the parents a chance to shop.

However as a parent, I know I wouldn’t feel comfortable with being ignored whilst they fuss over my baby, so I would make sure I spoke to the parents first and asked if they needed help

I do have a carrier, but I usually use the car seat trolleys but there weren't any here.

Like I've said, I don't want to complain as I think she got the hint when I took DD for her but I think it overstepped a boundary. I didn't know these people who were touching DD.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't my first rodeo and I know how valuable help in any form is BUT I felt it was too much from a stranger.

Shop trolleys and stores are full of germs, if she had caught something how would you know it was from the staff member?

YANBU. I wouldn’t have liked it either. To me, it sounds like they couldn’t wait to get to your baby and this ‘helping’ was an excuse.

She should have offered to unload your trolley not grabbed your baby! It’s the fact she didn’t even ask that’s offensive. If she’d asked, you could politely have refused - but she didn’t give you that option.

I wouldn’t complain as such, but I would bring this to the attention of the manager so they could cover it in a regular staff meeting (without singling out individual staff).

Staff should not be picking up people’s babies or children without asking.

I think staff cant win.

Yes they can. A very simple “can I do anything to help? Load your shopping? Lift your baby?”

I guarantee you that offering assistance to customers is advised in their training- lifting babies certainly won’t be.

On one hand I understand your protectiveness because I feel it too, on the other hand I also mourn the loss of the age old "it takes a village to raise a child". Now I am on my 3rd son I would be praising every deity under the sun for someone to kindly hold my baby while I loaded the shopping, although I would have expected to have been asked first! I love it when people come over and go goo goo over my kids though, mostly because I have no family in England so I miss out on that part.

If you are worried about your DD picking up something in a supermarket by being touched, why are you buying your food there??

You are going to need to be more vocal if you have such strong feelings about this. What they did was perfectly normal, perhaps a bit overfriendly, but not wrong. Next time you just need to speak up and say 'actually, I'd prefer you didn't hold DD but would you mind packing my bags so I can hold her?' or just 'please dont touch her, I'll be done in a second'

I wouldn’t like this either, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. I think any sensible person wanting to help checks in if help is wanted and how. However I’m not sure I’d make a complaint. I think you did well to say that you didn’t want her picked up, and thats enough feedback for the situation.

*From her not for her.

So just to clarify about DP - went nuts = expressed dissatisfaction. He is a lovely person who is protective of the DCs. We had a tough time between the 2.

Rather than go nuts about it, maybe your DH should reflect on the fact that the problem wouldn't arise if he'd done the shopping for you, or been there to help.

Well I would have said something for sure, people that work in customer services are not meant to be picking up babies or children FFS.
But I am failing to understand how she left her post, walk around, unbuckled and lifted baby, a second member of staff came over and only then you realised????

"went nuts = expressed dissatisfaction."

A bit of poetic licence then

I would never pick up someone’s child without asking especially a. Strangers child, think you are bit ott with the germ/gloves aspect but I respect some people are like this
I certainly would not make a complaint against a member of staff whose intention was to be helpful. Just be assertive next time

Even though i can see why it might have bothered you, your over reacting. She was trying to help. She most likely won't do it again after you told her not to.

How dare she try to help you! Of course you must complain so that no other mum ever gets helped in the supermarket

This is probably why people don't try to help eachother out much anymore. She should have asked but ffs she was trying to help you out

tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy

And went nuts = expressed dissatisfaction - these are not the same thing

Why? What exactly did he think might happen because a woman picked up your babgy?

Honestly. First world not even a problem.

She should have asked if you needed a hand, not taken it upon herself to pick up your child without even asking. I would have been really annoyed too.

"Don't get me wrong, this isn't my first rodeo"

Huh?

Beveren I'm not sure his employer would be too keen on him leaving to do the food shop. I've been shopping with children for over 2 years and not once has this happened and my DS hates shopping more than DD.

I was trying to get the shopping unloaded as quickly as possible so I could get home and get everyone settled. The shop was quiet and the till staff weren't permanently at their tills, they were shelf stocking in between customers so I assumed she was doing that while I got everything out.

Ex-retail worker here
Your DH went nuts over a member of staff trying to help you out? You both do indeed need to give your heads a wobble.
She was helping, not running off.
Get a bloody grip and if he's so happy to "go nuts" then take him with you next time or get him to shop and leave you and the baby out of the way of potential meanies trying to help you out. Or would that upset his masculinity too much???

You'd be wrong to "express good intentions that could be directed elsewhere" aka complain simply because you couldn't use you're words. The staff were well meaning. Next time use your words and politely say sorry I'm not a fan of people picking up my baby.