Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat

[mummydoingamasters]

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

[MrMumble]

Never left them screaming so I could do the shopping though.

Your babies never woke up and started crying when you were part way through doing something or were somewhere you couldn't immediately stop and comfort them? That's amazing. Well done.
I've never ignored my DS, but in a situation where only being at home and bf (never worked as well out and about) would comfort him then yes, he would scream, no matter how much I tried to comfort him or talk to him.

[lotsofoysters]

although, if you just unclenched your buttcheeks and stopped inventing unnecessary boundaries like people here you'd be 100x happier!

Yes, I'd be so much happier if people disregarded the concept of consent.
And 100x happier if my baby went into anaphylactic shock after reacting to possible allergens on a random strangers hand.

[Alicia9999]

Yes, I'd be so much happier if people disregarded the concept of consent

Do you really need to bring in the concept of consent regarding a crying baby, a stressed mum and a friendly member of staff? What a big load of drama over nothing. The intentions were clearly kind.

On the allergens thing - if your baby has allergies then you need to be watching them or in front of them and say something before someone is able to pick them up.

[Jaichangecentfoisdenom]

No village to raise children round your way, then?

[Lovemenorca]

The unbuckling, removing straps, taking baby out of seat... were you just gormlessly watching on?

A stranger unbuckling my baby.... “thanks for trying to help but baby staying in seat and she will settle shortly”. Remove trolley from within their hands reach.
End of

[lotsofoysters]

if your baby has allergies then you need to be watching them or in front of them and say something before someone is able to pick them up.

Or people could just not grab stranger's babies?! How entitled can people get.

[Harrysmummy246]

I've had cashiers offer to unload the trolley and pack the bags when DS was fractious. That was fine. I agree though that it's possibly a little bit far to pick up someone's baby.

[TiceCream]

The intentions were clearly kind
So as long as the intentions are kind you can do whatever you want without consent? Great! Next time I see someone with a sexy arse I’ll feel free to fondle it. I mean, as long as my intentions are kind then I can touch whoever I want, right?

[mummydoingamasters]

I had the trolley positioned so I could unload it quickly, on reflection I'll change this and keep my child near me.

Regarding 'using my words'. I did in fact use my words and I still had to take my DD from her.

I don't want to complain to get her in trouble. I want to raise this as something that could be better received by other parents. I agree that help is wonderful, BUT I would have preferred her to help unload the shopping. Given half a chance, I would have said this but as I had my head in the trolley behind the seat where I believed my DD to still be (as being picked up by a complete stranger hadn't settled her) I missed it.

I have utmost respect to those who are willing to let strangers soothe their children, but it makes me a little edgy so no, I probably wouldn't get on in Spain or Greece where this is apparently acceptable.

[OrangeSlices998]

OP YANBU. I cannot believe this thread!

[TheStuffedPenguin]

Best case scenario, my DD is vaccinated, generally well and was born full term.
Worst case she could immunocompromised, have a virus worsened by another persons virus/germs, unvaccinated and make another person unwell if they are immunocompromised.

Don't you think you are overthinking all of this ?
Yes you DO need to get over yourself

[TryingToBeBold]

Can I ask, when you told the person you were not happy with the situation, did they put your DD back?
If so,then.. the person obviously thought they were helping (they've probably done it a load of times with thanks from other parents), and once realised this was not okay with you they put DD back. You thought they were being intrusive.

Maybe you should have said something sooner. Maybe they had a migraine and didn't want to deal with an upset child.
Maybe they love kids and wanted to help.
You both obviously have your own sides to the story and own opinions. But that's that.
You said something.. they responded. What more can you do?
Just accept people are this way.. otherwise put a sign up saying dont touch the children (or watch like a hawk and step in before it's happened...)

[Reallybadidea]

Your babies never woke up and started crying when you were part way through doing something or were somewhere you couldn't immediately stop and comfort them?

I didn't say that though, did I? I said I wouldn't leave them in a trolley screaming while I carried on with my shopping without trying to comfort them. Yes, I know that babies sometimes cry whatever you do, mine were not easy babies by any stretch of the imagination. And I feel really sorry for parents who I see trying to comfort a distressed baby in the supermarket or wherever. But I think it's inconsiderate both to the baby and other shoppers not to even attempt to stop them crying because it's inconvenient.

[TryingToBeBold]

As for her helping you with the shopping.. she probably has to do that for a hundred other customers a day. She isn't going to purposely choose that option when the baby is upset...
Maybe shes a mum? Her instinct might have been to soothe the baby for the sake of everyone around you.

[MummytoCSJH]

If you do something without asking, and upset someone in the process, it's not fine just because there was no malice intended. A baby isn't a free for all just because they fancy a cuddle, they were rude for not even acknowledging you and I'd be furious.

[TryingToBeBold]

@Lovemenorca totally agree! Could have been nipped in the bud much sooner!

[wotsittoyou]

I'd venture that she disagreed with you ignoring your small baby's distress for 20 minutes and took a risk to show your baby some kindness. She was trying to help your baby, not you. You'd had the opportunity to hold your baby while you shopped - many people do this - but had chosen to leave her in the seat, so there was no reason for staff to think that you'd comfort her yourself if they offered to put the shopping through for you. Nobody's daft enough to think that it's socially acceptable to handle a stranger's baby without asking. She's probably just fed up of seeing this and thought 'fuck it'. Pick up your baby when she cries and people might not be moved to do it for you!

[JemSynergy]

They were trying to help, but it does seem very OTT of them to step away from the till area to lift your baby. I didn't think cashiers were allowed to leave the till unattended.

[Sweetdreamer93]

It always amazes me when new mums don’t want people (Both strangers and family members) to interact or touch their child.

A few years later (and completely exhausted) and they are complaining nobody helps them with childcare or that people are ignoring their child.

[INeedNewShoes]

It's nice that the staff wanted to help but it is absolutely not right for them to just pick your DD up. I understand why you were upset by this.

All they needed to do was ask 'What can I do to help you? Would you like me to hold your baby, or perhaps I could unload the shopping for you?'

Not difficult is it?

I worry (not entirely rationally) about supermarkets and germs and would be convinced that my young baby would be affected by being handled with hands that had been stacking shelves or handling money.

Having said that a member of staff in M&S did hold DD for me when she was a few months old but it felt different, maybe because I've been shopping in that small M&S for years and knew the staff member by sight. I was struggling, she offered help and I asked her if she would mind holding my baby.

[Celebelly]

This is why I shop online! Much more pleasant for all of us.

Anyway I agree it was a bit off but I'm sure it was kindly meant. They should have asked first, but then if I really didn't want them doing it I'd have said something. I've had people hold DD for me when changing at swimming pool or in other situations and I've been grateful for it, so I expect they just thought they were doing a good thing. Just say no next time.

[officeslave1]

No I wouldn't have liked that either.

[lotsofoysters]

Just accept people are this way.. otherwise put a sign up saying dont touch the children



Really?
I'll just accept that some men are handsy then, and try to prevent them groping me by putting a sign on my arse saying "do not touch".

[TiceCream]

Maybe they love kids and wanted to help
I love nipples. It doesn’t give me the right to fondle other people’s in Farmfoods.

[BillywilliamV]

If this is the worst thing that ever happens to you and your child then you will be fine! Honestly!