Shop staff took my daughter out of her trolley seat

[mummydoingamasters]

Soooo, first time posting but I need a head wobble I think.
I have a tendency for the dramatics but this really did upset me.
Second time mum, DS2 and DD 12 weeks. We went shopping at a local supermarket and DD hates being moved around (who doesn't).
First off, there were no baby trolleys or car seat trolleys so I had to ask for the shop to let me use the one they were keeping indoors.
Walking round, DD starts to cry, a 'I've been disturbed and I'm going to make you pay for it' cry. A member of staff walking past started to touch her bare hand in an attempt to settle her. This member of staff was wearing work gloves and I don't know what she had been handling whilst wearing those gloves. I pushed the trolley on already embarrassed by the noise DD was making.
We get to the till and the member of staff on the till gets up, walks behind me to the trolley, unbuckles DD and has her up on her shoulder trying go to settle her while I'm unloading my shopping. There is no exchange, no attempt to engage with me if this is even ok just does it. I notice when another member of staff joins her and have to say that I don't like it when strangers pick up/touch/handle my child. She said she was trying to help as I was busy with the shopping and she thought it would help me. My thought process would probably have been to help with the shopping, not the strangers child or is it me that's wrong?!

I get home, tell my DP about it and he goes nuts. I'm usually the one to lose my temper quite quickly when it comes to the DC's but he was really unhappy. Understandably on reflection. I felt really outnumbered and caught off guard which is why I said nothing more than already stated but getting home and replaying it, I really think I down played this?

AIBU to contact the company and complain or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?

I think they should have asked you first. However if you complain they’ll either ignore you or force the staff to have sensitivity training and bar all further interaction with minors and generally make a massive great deal out of it. Having a quiet word is well out of fashion.

I always took a sling to the supermarket so that I could hold them if necessary and push the trolley at the same time. Nicer for them, other people and stopped me getting stressed by their crying.

I would be taken aback to be honest.

I think I'm too old for mumsnet these days!
I would say give your head a big wobble and be grateful someone wanted to help.

It sounds quite strange and not what I would expect to happen. Were you particularly flustered or wound up? Just wondering if they felt they needed to do something more to help you.

Curtainly I was rushing to empty the trolley onto the belt and assumed she was shelf stacking as she had been before I started unloading. It was first thing, only 3 customers including me.

To the PP who said I was selfish to let my DD cry, this is what they do sometimes. I can't stop the world turning because she's been put in a trolley so I can shop. It was a 20 minute job at best and as soon as she got put back into the warm car seat, she settled and went back to sleep.

How did you not notice though?

You'll find that on mumsnet about 50% of people think it's fine to touch, stroke, kiss and pick up other people's babies without consent. It's bizarre. Babies aren't public property, they are people, and it's up to the parent who touches them for a whole variety of reasons.

YANBU, they should have asked before picking up somebody else's child. I'd have been put out if someone "trying to help" had grabbed my handbag without asking, let alone my baby!

AIBU to contact the company and complain
Have fun with that - "I'm complaining because nice empathic staff tried to help with my young family".

or am I being a fractious mum who needs to get over herself?
Yes.
The staff are not psychic. If you did not want your baby picked up & comforted/entertained, you should have USED YOUR WORDS, not stewed about if after the event.
Your DP is even worse. He wasn't there, & he's going nuts about nothing?

Chalk it up to new mum exhaustion & forget all about it.

I would rather a kind person tried to comfort my child that someone packed my shopping all wrong........I have a system and it would really annoy me if items were in the wrong bag.

Presumably the shop assistant was someone who likes babies, even grouchy ones and relished the chance for a quick cuddle and jiggle.

No stranger has the right to lift a child out of the shopping cart without parental permission despite good intentions and honestly the PP who is trying to psychoanalyze the husband's reaction is strange

CalamityJune no, not flustered just trying to get done so I didn't ruin other peoples peace and quiet. I learnt from having my DS that sometimes I just need to plough on and get it done and settle them after, rather than stopping to settle, them getting disrupted and the whole thing being a cycle of stop and start upset

To the PP who said I was selfish to let my DD cry

@mummydoingamasters - those PP can piss off.
Unless of course they have magical, arcane powers for instantly getting a baby to stop crying ...

"The staff are not psychic."

You don't need to be psychic to know to ask first.

I’m afraid I’d complain. The staff need to know this is inappropriate behaviour. You don’t just unbuckle someone else’s child. If they wanted to help they should unload the shopping, or at least ask if you’d like them to pick up the baby.

The staff are not psychic. If you did not want your baby picked up & comforted/entertained, you should have USED YOUR WORDS

Could the staff have not USED THEIR WORDS to say "would it help if I hold her while you unpack?". Then the OP could have just politely said, no thanks.

I'm so shocked at how many people think this is ok!! It is definitely not!

I work for a supermarket, I would never ever take someone's child out of their trolley! I would, however, ask if there was anything I could do to help!
I also would never touch a child with my dirty work gloves!

I am also a Mummy and would hit the roof if someone took my child out of the trolley!!
This is not ok!

Everyone jumps at the husband 'going nuts' it's quite obvious he was annoyed about the situation and not at OP!

Most of you wouldn't cope a day raising babies here in Spain... although, if you just unclenched your buttcheeks and stopped inventing unnecessary boundaries like people here you'd be 100x happier!

But why wouldn't you position to the trolley babyseat end first and then unload that way? I mean, it makes no odds to me, but if you didn't notice someone doing that, it could have been anyone; someone that wasn't trying to help!

So patronising to tell an adult to "use your words"!

OP if you are considering contacting the shop manager perhaps you could ask if it would be possible for them to provide more baby-friendly trolleys (it sounds as if you wanted a trolley you could put a car seat onto?)

I once just put the car seat in a regular (shallow) trolley - couldn't fit much shopping in though!

I was thinking that the woman had been at the till/belt & had gone from there & was thinking how the hell did that go unnoticed!

Also, if you feel you should complain (I would!) it would definitely be taken seriously and not pushed to one side!

If you did not want your baby picked up & comforted/entertained, you should have USED YOUR WORDS
So it’s ok for random strangers to touch me or my child if I haven’t explicitly told them not to? Sorry but that’s not how consent works. You can’t assume that someone consents just because they haven’t said no.

I don’t think I’d complain but I’d be very pissed off .
They had no right to do that without asking first .
I had an elderly lady take off my sons hat once when he was in his pushchair because she said he looked hot .. didn’t ask just did it and then told me .
Rude

Did she settle her though?