Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

I had my colleagues in my last job, all of whom were older than me, asking why I didn't have kids. I'm in my mid-thirties. I can tell you if you're interested.

Sometimes. I never like to ask though. A colleague of mine at work hasn't got any children. She confided into me one day and said she had 4 miscarriages, then she was told she was not suitable for IVF treatment. She tried abroad but they also said the same thing. She's now currently going through the menopause :( everyone around her are always talking about babies or they are pregnant and I really feel sorry for her that she has to be surrounded by that. She's got a heart of gold and I am absolutely sure she would've been a fantastic Mum.

I often wonder why people have kids. I don't ask them though.

If anyone asks why I'm 45 and don't have any, well, it's not really anyone's business but mine.

Some people may want and may pray and cry and can't never have them regardless of what they do. So I think maybe you should just wonder about this to yourself instead of discussing it on social media. It's private, not your place really is it. 🙄

YABU it can be very personal. I know people who weren't with the right person to have children, it never happened, infertility and a friend who lost twins at 24 weeks and those who just didn't want children. People may not want to discuss their reasons. A parent may not want to discuss why they have one child or why they have six. It is personal and I think that should be respected.

No, I don't wonder because it's none of my business, and frankly, I couldn't care less.

I do wonder what their life held for them, but I never ask

Never tbh. None of my business.

Not really. There's one person I occasionally wonder about because she's very maternal, loves babies and children and has been happily married since she was young. But it's more that I hope it was an active choice, rather than because she wanted them and couldn't have them rather than I wonder in a nosey way iyswim. Otherwise no.

No, not any more. I used to. Now, I don't care.

It's fine to wonder but very tactless to actually ask.

No. Having had two miscarriages, being told my chance of conceiving was next to nil, two laparoscopies, clomid and two miracles I have learnt the hard way from years of 'when are you going to get on with having kids' that it's a horrendously lonely and painful time. Some may not have wanted them, others may have not met the right person, others may be grieving years on for the children they could never have. Never ask and then you'll never get the standard 'oh I don't know if I want them' answer when fighting back tears.

I like to feel free and I don't want to be needed. Hope that helps

Can't say I give it much thought really, having children isn't compulsory after all.

I do often wonder why on earth people have them though, or why they are having more.

As someone who doesn't have kids I hate the 'when will you have kids' question which is then followed by 'oh you'll change your mind' I don't appreciate people assuming they know me and my body better than I do, even if they mean well.

No I don't wonder. I had mine late in life and i could very easily have ended up childless. Some people can't have them, others don't want them or feel strongly a out it either way. Others are like I could have been and just missed their chance due to a combination of not meeting the right person and/or or being particularly bothered.

I'm just not that interested in the potential reasons to wonder.

I might privately wonder, but I'd never, ever ask. There are many reasons why people don't have children & precisely none of them are any of my business unless someone chooses to share them with me.

I wonder. But that's because I've endured (and am still on the journey) of years of IVF attempts and miscarriages.

I wonder whether couples who are older than us are childless by choice or whether fertility treatment failed/was unsuitable. I'm acutely aware that a lot of the treatment and support we have at our disposal may not have been so available even 5-10 years ago, which makes me sad but I also have great admiration for couples/women who decided to accept that their life would take a different route to what is planned and actually having so many options makes fertility treatment a bit of a gambling game which can go on for years.

But I'd never ask the question, and if I did, I'd be prepared for the answer. Someone asked me today straight after asking how long we had been married and they got the full answer, and its uncomfortable and I'm sure she wish she'd never asked!

No, I’ve genuinely never wondered that.

I've never wondered that about anyone

I do wonder sometimes why other women would actively choose not to have children. There are a couple of married women my husband used to work with who apparently have chosen not too have children as they like their current lifestyles and are kind of career driven (not particularly high achievers), and I just find it a bit odd to be honest.

Nope. I assume that they either don't want them or haven't been able to have them, and which it is is none of my business.

I do wonder, however, about the posters on here who seem to have shitty partners and chaotic home lives and are pregnant/TTC third+ children when they seem barely managing with the ones they already have. That is what I'm more curious about. Over-childing baffles me way more than no-childing.

I think they must value sleep, freedom, not sharing food and clean carpets too much 😁. In other words, they're the sane one's! It's us parents that are strange!

Because I don't want any. End of. I'm 34 so no doubt of the age group you're wondering about. No I won't change my mind. No I don't care if anyone thinks it's "odd" that an adult woman would dare not to have children. There are more than enough people with children who frankly have no business being parents.

(Has anyone asked why non parents are on MN yet??)

I do wonder. I would never ask though. Its none of my business. I find it best to stay off the topic completely whatever age.