Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

I've always wondered how some people can be smug and tactless but am too polite to ask.

Not really, because a full life doesn’t always include children.

I do wonder sometimes why some people have more children when they are with someone who seems to offer no support at all. That’s more mysterious to me.

I find it odd that other women assume that if you don’t have children it’s because (deep down) you wanted them but couldn’t have them for some reason. Why is that? Is a woman’s role only about procreation? Does biological/evolutionary expectations trump different life choices. Hasn’t society moved on from this outdated view?

As a woman in my 40s, I've often had people ask. And, well, it hurts and it's incredibly annoying! I'm often left stuck for an answer. Do I tell them that I've suffered 20 years of infertility, invasive treatments, years of heartbreak and often cry myself to sleep over it? No, awkward. So I usually lie and say I never wanted kids.
So nothing wrong with wondering, but don't ask, and if you do ask then don't judge on the answer you get.

I'm another who never wonders, I just don't care.

Yes. I always wonder why people don’t wonder this sort of stuff about men

I think it is an interesting question. Of course it's not anyone's business but you get curious because for a lot of women its an uncontrollable urge. The biological clock floods you with hormones at some point, and then it's like you've been brainwashed and you just need to do it! Like you have no choice. Paired with the right partner around and it's the perfect storm. It happened to me.

I do feel for those who can't or want have children for medical reasons or other trauma and totally respect those who simply want because they are happier this way. It's a non issue. But I do wonder in that case if they had to face the 'hormons invasion' and how they've dealt with it?

@dangerrabbit me too! Why is that?

Its the same as

"Why do people have kids"

Nope

"It's fine to wonder but very tactless to actually ask."

You can just start a conversation e.g. you never had children did you? and then the person will either answer, 'no I didn't' or they might volunteer an answer.
I remember asking a colleague whether he had children. I was expecting a yes or no answer, but I got a long explanation about various illnesses and discussions on adoption. He obviously wanted to talk about it.
I don't have children because I'm single so it's quite obvious really, but I also don't mind anyone asking me.
I have also asked people why they have children e.g. 'have you always wanted them' and that's been fine as well.

We cant afford to. Both of us are highly educated but I'm unemployed and struggling to find even minimum wage jobs and he's in a very competitive industry that will require a PhD to go further into. Bit pessimistic but I'm not sure kids will be on the radar before its too late.

"I do wonder sometimes why some people have more children when they are with someone who seems to offer no support at all. "

I actually asked a colleague that very question. She said the last child was a surprise.

I do wonder but would never, ever ask - I always hope that they just didn't want them because the thought of wanting children and not being able to have them is heartbreaking.

But having said that, when someone does tell me they just don't want them (I never ask) I always judge them and honestly do think they are really missing out and that there really isn't any meaning in their lives.
They always come across as quite bitter in their stance, especially the ones who say they don't like children or use the word 'breed', which makes me believe they have issues they should probably deal with.

Indeed @mightyminty and @dangerrabbit. It’s a version of ‘Clever old George Clooney, playing the field, avoiding the ball and chain, the lucky dog’ vs ‘Tragic, Single and Childless Jennifer Aniston— Will she Ever Find Love???’

I suppose everyone wonders things.

I can't have children. If people ask if I have kids, when I say I don't, they always look at me funny. It's really irritating! Try not to show what you're thinking please. :)

I suppose nowadays I go 'no, it didn't happen for me' and then the convo ends fairly painlessly, they shut up.

@Sugarandspiceandallthat What an infuriatingly ignorant attitude. There are millions of women who don't have children living rich, fulfilled, happy and meaningful lives.

My sister and I are both in our 40’s and neither of us have children. DSis has had several miscarriages and failed IVF and is heartbroken that she can’t have children. On the flip side, I have never wanted children and it wasn’t a massive significant life changing decision either, it just never appealed to me. A bit like Centre Parcs...I can see the attraction, but not interested enough to make a booking.

i know a lovely couple who havent and i assume they had problems conceiving.

I can only deduce that they are extremely smart and wise people

ShatnersWig
I often wonder why people have kids. I don't ask them though.

Exactly.

There appears to be a total lack of imagination by some on here.

Do you ever wonder why some women get pregnant by every abusive arsehole they meet (none of whom pay maintenance)?

Do you wonder why some people are gay? Do you wonder why some people transition? Do you wonder why some people live together but never marry?

Where I am going with this is that whether someone has children or not really is none of your business; Life isn't a shopping list of "must haves", just because you have kids doesn't mean everyone will.

You obviously spend too much time making comparisons and judging, perhaps your time would be better spent wondering why you're so judgemental.

i would never ask though

I wonder why people have children without giving it a second thought.

Personally I didnt ever feel that selfish need to procreate.

You can just start a conversation e.g. you never had children did you? and then the person will either answer, 'no I didn't' or they might volunteer an answer.

That’s almost exactly the same as asking “why didn’t you have children?”. It’s just as personal a question to ask and it’s none of your business.