Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

^^ Phil couldn’t agree more, I loathed those school performances and end of year assemblies, and parents crying as their DC leave primary school, . But the ridiculous comments never end, my DS has just left for uni, I am so fed up of people going on about ‘don’t you miss him’, ‘your empty nest’ ... I know they are only making conversation but it is very tedious, as if I don’t have any life apart from ‘being a mother’. And no, I absolutely don’t miss my DS, I am delighted that he is happily enjoying uni but I am loving not having the daily parental responsibilities .

I have several friends who don't want children. It's no mystery - they're just very happy with their lives, value their time and freedom. I completely understand it!! I'm much more confused by people who have loads of kids. I find 2 exhausting!

@Ragwort couldn't agree more! We have a 17 and 12 year old who aren't interested in what we do now, they do their own thing.

Those lovely Saturday afternoons having a "walk by the beach", which is a code for, we drop in the beach bar for a couple of hours and have a couple of drinks. Heaven!!

Your post made me smile Ragwort.
"That" Facebook page and some of the higher education threads with mothers (it is always mothers) sobbing at the idea of their DC going to university makes me want to tell them to get a grip.

It is as if these women only feel defined by being a parent. There is more to life than that. Parenthood is only one aspect.

It must be difficult being the student child of a clingy parent.

No I dont.
I do however on a far too regular basis wonder why some people do have children.
There are so many parents who really should have stayed child free.

It's for many reasons but for the people I know they did try but it didn't happen naturally and they decided they liked their life and didn't want to go down the ivf route or adoption, they bought cats instead. He looks wistfully at families sometimes and you wonder if he regrets it but it's none of our business

Yes @PhilCornwall1 and @Ragwort and also people on here who and IRL who fret about things like kids’ homework, uni applications, etc. I had not an iota of help from my parents with homework after about p4. Not because they aren’t interested or engaged but because it was my homework plus as we got into high school it was beyond their level of education anyway. Subjects, uni etc I talked through with them but they weren’t as ridiculously over invested as many seem to be today

@Overthinker1988

If you want to ensure that you are only talking to other parents, you could try netmums - the topics aren’t as wide ranging as they are on here but it does seem to be mostly parents on there.

I can't believe this thread is still going. Is it such an alien concept not to have children? Why make it sound like an extreme lifestyle choice?

I've never wondered why a woman didn't have children. I have though wondered many times why so many women do have children.

Almost all the women I know with children say they regret having them. Almost all are divorced and say the problems started when they had children.

I hear my neighbours both sides (3 children each) screaming and shouting at their children and think I am lucky that I just have my gorgeous dogs.

Me and DH chose not to have children after many discussions, certainly many more than anyone I know that has had children. We felt the world was already overpopulated so no need for us to add to it. We also felt on the whole the world is a pretty shit place so, again, no need to bring children into it.

We also wanted our marriage and love to last and felt there was a much better chance of that if we didn't have children. Forty years on we are still very much in love and have never, even for a second, regretted our decision.

No

If you're infertile that's probably the reason you don't have children

littlemeitslyn me being infertile has fuck all to do with me not having children. I just never wanted them.

I assume I’m fertile. Regular periods etc. I’ve just never needed to find out for sure.

@MelGrange I never said I wanted to only talk to parents, I just found it odd that this site attracts so many happily child-free people. I wondered what the reason was. It's been explained now. I never realised this site had so much popular appeal beyond parenting.

@Overthinker1988 every day is a school day on MN

Can anyone with children help me understand why parents are so negative about having them? Does this mean they regret their decision?! Everyone I know with children literally does not stop talking about the negative aspects and never tells me about the positive aspects? It makes me incredibly doubtful about "joining the club"...

gypsy people are negative about most things. Most people have nothing positive to say about work. Or their partners. Or the weather. It’s the British way.

@gypsywater a lot of the moaning is about having younger children when there’s lack of sleep, toddler tantrums, etc. My friends with older DCs don’t moan much honestly. A lot of people say they don’t want DCs because they don’t like children. They’re only little for a few years.

@missyoumuch that's interesting, I guess the people I'm thinking of do all have under 5s. I just wish they would talk more about how much they love their kids and love having children at home, that would be much more encouraging! I hear much more positivity from pet owners!

Can anyone with children help me understand why parents are so negative about having them? Does this mean they regret their decision?! Everyone I know with children literally does not stop talking about the negative aspects and never tells me about the positive aspects? It makes me incredibly doubtful about "joining the club"...

Honestly, I think it's largely in the same spirit as moaning about the weather, or about work to colleagues, or about the woeful performance of your football team to fellow fans. A sort of black-comic performance of the awfulness of it all that is just a kind of comradeliness.

But why go through those years if you don't like children?

Because they often grow up to be great friends when they become adults? Whereas they’re only children for 18 years?

Because they often grow up to be great friends when they become adults? Whereas they’re only children for 18 years?

Because I don’t want children at all, not even for 18 years!

I don’t think I’ve ever challenged or asked someone to justify having children. Or ever tried to get them to change their minds.

Why then, do posters like missyoumuch feel compelled to do so?