Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

Me? Because I watched my two siblings die from cystic fibrosis. I watched them drown from the inside.

And at the point in time when I was of childbearing age, the gene that causes CF hadn’t yet been discovered, so there was no way to test whether I was a carrier.

I couldn’t risk passing CF onto a new generation, so I couldn’t have children.

Yes, I sometimes wonder. Like sunshine, I've had fertility issues, so naturally I wonder if other people have them. Especially recently as it has been pregnancy loss awareness week, and there has been lots of discussion of that in the media. I am aware from my own family history of losses that are only known about because other children came along later. For example, my dad's mum had a stillborn daughter whom she never mentioned until she was dying, and then she told her other two children about her. If she had not had those other children, no one would ever have remembered or know about it.

I am sure this must explain lots of 'childless' people's stories. There will be many who've had miscarriages or stillbirths and you simply don't know, because there is still such a stigma and reluctance surrounding these discussions.

I don’t wonder why some people don’t have children. Plenty of people are child free by choice. Some of them, like me, are members of this forum. I made a positive decision not to have children because I did not want to be a parent and had different priorities. Given the number of anguished responses on the recent ‘do you regret having children’ thread, I reckon my decision was a pretty sound one. I certainly have no regrets whatsoever.

I don't have DC. I don't like them and being a responsible grown up appropriate parent doesn't sound attractive in any way, shape or form. Not sorry.

From childbirth, lack of sleep, nappies, crying to teenage tantrums and everything in between, not one bit of it sounds like something a sane person would do by choice.

But I have cats and foster rescue kittens, so believe me, it's nothing at all about not sharing food and clean carpets. .

No I don't. I have a couple of acquaintances on facebook who constantly complain about parenting issues, lack of money and sleep and wonder why they keep having children. One has 4, but her DH already has 2 from a previous relationship. She is always looking for free stuff and complaining about how hard life is. The other has 3 and posts at least 20 collage photos daily "living her best life" but going on about the lack of sleep. Children are optional, not compulsory!!!

I wonder, but would never ask. I know a few women who chose not to have children. I find it interesting that many of them seemed to give far more thought and consideration into the decision than many of my friends who’ve had children.

No. I was happily childfree for almost 40 years, and thought long and hard before we started ttc, so it’s not a mystery to me why someone would choose not to have a child. I adore DS, and am delighted we had him, but I had a full and interesting life before I had him, and I suppose I find people for whom having children the pinnacle of existence to the point they find it incomprehensible that someone’s perfectly happy without doing it rather strange. Different strokes etc.

I could lie and say I don't but I do wonder sometimes, especially a couple of my colleagues who are happily married and love kids but don't have any of their own.
But it's one question I'd never ask, its personal and sensitive. There could be a million different answers but it's their business not mine , so I wonder silently .

Yes I'm always really interested in the reasons behind it.

In my line of work I’m far more likely to ponder why some people bothered having kids when they’ve no apparent interest in caring for them, loving and protecting them, and guiding them through life to productive adulthood.

I don't wonder, because I feel even wondering is a bit of an invasion of their privacy. I imagine 80% have a sad story or stories, having wanted, tried and not got there. The other 20% have their reasons for not wanting. Some are just wired that way.

I don’t have any interest in why people do or do not have children, for me it was never an issue, I knew from a very young age I never wanted any I’m in my late 40s now and have absolutely no regrets. I do know people who didn’t have any and would liked to and others who given their time again wouldn’t have any.

I actually find it odd that so many women have a great desire for them. Just can't get my head around it.

After reading MN, I wonder why people have them😁 I just never felt the need. I could probably deal with it if they came already toilet trained and stuff

@MissMarks why do you find it odd?

I have two kids. I have never been asked why I have kids so I don’t see any reason to ask people why they don’t. None of my business.

Wouldn't it be great if people remembered that people are all different? I hate the way some people think there are "people who have children and people who don't" like we only come in two flavours.... What a lack of imagination / empathy some people have, and what barely hidden judgement there is in the question.

I've never wondered why some people don't have/want children but I have on occasions wondered why some people did opt to have children.

There's often a strange societal pressure for adults to reproduce and I honestly admire people who haven't bowed down to it if they haven't wanted to do it.

I do wonder. I wonder if, like me, they were just never interested in having children, or whether circumstances prevented them, or whether they were unable to. And I don’t ask because it can be very painful and intrusive. I’d rather wait for the person to volunteer that information if and when they decide to. What I do object to is being considered “odd”. For me, having children is the odd choice. It has no appeal to me whatsoever.

No. It's absolutely none of my business. If they feel it's important that I know, they'll tell me.

Yes, I have a friend who I was once very close to who I know wanted kids when we were younger, but here we are at almost 40 and she doesn’t have any, she’s been married a good few years. We aren’t as close as we were so I don’t feel I can ask, but I do wonder if they’ve been unable to conceive. I only wonder in a sympathetic way because she’s awesome and would be a great mum imo. But it could be that she changed her mind also.

What an utterly boring thing to think about.
There’s no reason why I don’t have children.
As it happens I am infertile but 🤷‍♀️ I never wanted them anyway.
Nothing odd or strange about it. Anyone who thinks it odd must really struggle with mind-mindedness and being able to appreciate that others think and feel differently to them.
I did want a horse, though, but never got round to that 😬

I think a certain kind of parent actively prefers the idea that someone couldn’t have children than that they thought about it, decided it looked fairly unappealing, and chose not to. It makes them feel their life as a parent is enviable and something virtually everyone ‘naturally’ wants, , rather than than a choice some people have just decided is really not for them.

Christ no. I love DD more than anything and I'm excited to have another baby but I also completely understand how a life without children could be equally as rich and fulfilling, just in a different way.

I read your OP wrong at first, I thought you meant why in general people don't have kids. I would assume they probably don't want them. Having kids is shit in many ways so aren't the "weird ones" those of us that are parents?

But now I see you mean individually about people you meet. I dont think it's wrong to privately wonder, in the same way I may wonder why a person chose a certain partner, what two people see in each other if they don't outwardly seem compatible, why someone had 3+ children, why someone works a certain job. Not judging them but just interested as everyone is so different. Just some private gossip I'd have with myself.

Very true otavis.