Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

I sometimes wonder but I would never never ask. There are so many reasons and it's none of my business. I don't expect to be asked why I did have kids.

No. Plenty of people simply don’t fancy it, others can’t.

Who am I supposed to be impressing?

Sugarandspice. I’ve no idea. But you seem keen to tell us about your tight and sexy body. 😂😂😂

All this bullshit about "meaning of life", "true love" and "it's odd not to have them" are really not beneficial to anyone. Then you get people who shouldn't have kids having them just because "well, it's normal innit"...

They always come across as quite bitter in their stance
Maybe because
1- they are fed up of justifying themselves
Or
2- you are the same goady dick irl like in here and the just reflect tone you give
🤷

*Alexa
*
I’ve no idea. But you seem keen to tell us about your tight and sexy body. 😂😂😂

Not just mine, lots of women who've had babies. My comment was responding to a child free lady saying her body wasn't ravaged by birth.

Why be bitter about my comment tho Alexa? I'm sure your body is just as tight and sexy - right? 😊

No, you're right - you don't sound bitter and miserable at all.

Sugarandspice. I’m reaching the conclusion that you aren’t terribly bright. Do explain to me what I should be bitter and miserable about because I don’t have something ie. children, that I don’t like and I’ve never wanted.

*Safety
*
they are fed up of justifying themselves

Why feel like you have to justify your decision? OP didn't say she wanted anyone to justify anything.

And I specifically said I never ask. Yet all of the child free pp have freely given their reasons. Looks like you guys feel the need to justify it.

Alexa
*
I’m reaching the conclusion that you aren’t terribly bright*

You are entitled to your opinion, I respect that. (You of course know you are wrong lol)

And my opinion is that you are bitter - why do you NEED me to explain my opinion?

Never really wonder because it is likely to either be because they haven’t tried for kids or are unable to have them.

I would never dream of enquiring as it’s the most deeply personal thing

I must say it’s never occurred to me to wonder why some people choose not to have children.
People choose different things for their lives and their personal happiness it’s all valid.

after eeing someone close to me completely destroyed when she was told she had premature ovarian failure no i dont.on the outside she was getting older and "still" not having kids.but to those of us that know every day was the single biggest struggle to get up because she was always that child,girl,woman,adult that was the one we all new wanted and would have been a great mum.it was one of her things in her future she couldnt wait for.so to see that taken from her so cruely.nope.the hurt was UN-imaginable or all of us.

I only vaguely wonder when it's someone who is openly keen on kids, but I'd never ask and I'd never judge them regardless of their reasons. I do occasionally wonder why someone has more kids when they're not bothered about the existing ones

I didn't realise it was the law.

Pressed post by accident!

I do judge the latter.

Also, people are different, we 'find meaning' in different things- I mean I like books and crafts and makeup, some people like football, bike rides or bus spotting. I am certainly a different person thanks to having my son, but that's both good and bad, all our experiences shape us in one way or another, a childless me would've simply had different ones.

Yes, I sometimes wonder it about colleagues (male and female) who seem like they might be "the type" to want kids, but don't have any. Mainly checking myself from being insensitive by droning on about my kids, in case they wanted them and are sad about not having them.

I don't wonder about everyone, and I don't wonder in general why some people don't have kids. Obviously there's loads of great reasons not to have kids, plus some people just dont, and some people have relationship/fertility issues.

Unfortunately it’s seen as the “norm” to procreate. Women are seen as broody and maternal. I wanted children but I was trying to replace the lonely childhood I’d had. Emotionally absent parents. Abusive siblings.
I do wonder why someone doesn’t have children but not in a “That’s odd” ( its really not odd ) I wonder do they have fertility problems, family issues etc like I had. Many people should never have had children imo. Surely it’s human nature to wonder, in my case it’s not judgment

it is likely to either be because they haven’t tried for kids or are unable to have them

It's equally likely to be that they just don't want them. It's really annoying when I say I've got no children and I get 'Aww, I'm sorry to hear that'.

Sometimes. I always hope it is choice, and then secretly envy them a bit.
(Two kids in university and no chance of a life of my own for a while, so living vicariously through my childless friends who all seem to be living it up in India or a cool city somewhere, enjoying their own money, all to themselves!)

@ViciousJackdaw by “haven’t tried” I’m including people who don’t want them.

It never occurs to me. But that's because I never wanted them either so that seems a normal position to me. I do though often wonder what possesses people to deliberately have them ;)

Because I'm selfish and would prefer lie-ins and an early retirement?

It would have depended on when you asked. At age 34 and younger it was because I did not want any (and thought I never would). Then I met my now-husband and wanted a child with him desperately. Unfortunately it took another 5 years after that to have a successful pregnancy, so the answer during that period was, because I was not able to. Now that I have my baby, I do wonder sometimes about other women. The switch from not wanting a child to wanting one flipped very suddenly for me and I am sometimes curious whether this happens to others. But I would never, ever ask, knowing from personal experience what a painful subject it can be.

I'm 40, assumed I'd have kids but despite working with them my whole life I've never had that pull of being broody. Children are brilliant, I've spent 20+ years working with them, with nephews/nieces and friends children. Im probably judged ( I see the surprise looks on people's faces because I'm so natural with them. I must be a mother ) because I like children but not for me full time thank you.

It's amazing to spend time with them but give them back and sit in peace again. It's not just a cute baby or child it's a huge responsibility for life and I've seen it drain people to the point of being ill and the absolute detriment to their relationships. No not everyone but it's not all sweetness and light is it? A recent thread proved that one:

I didn't meet my partner till my 30s and was questioning wether kids were right for me already. And I'm glad I haven't. Recently as my mind turns towards the climate and environmental crisis it's less people in an overcrowded damaged world and the guilt I'd feel for bringing a person into this shitty world to deal with all that.

Motherhood doesn't define all women it may define some as that's what they want and that's fine, I would never judge those for wanting children I understand that there is a natural pull for some. BUT don't judge those of us who don't want it. I have a good and happy life with lots of people and love around me. No ones judges men on their choices on this do they?

It wouldn't cross my mind. Lots of my friends don't have kids, its a perfectly valid life choice. I wonder more about people who have loads of kids, because that would be my worst nightmare, but accept that we are all different,. I wonder most of all about the people who seem to bring kids into the world with hardly a thought, I find those parents much more problematic than the child free.