Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

I’m happy I have dc, wouldn’t want to wait for 18 years to the good part! It’s nice before then too.

I’m not trying to convince anyone, bloody hell.

I’m just saying in the grand scheme of a lifetime the small kids portion of being a parent is rather short especially if you have only one.

No one has to have children but if you happen to have a good relationship with your own parents as an adult you might see the hard graft of the early years as worth it in the long run.

I personally enjoy my DCs far more now that neither is a baby. I don’t like babies.

! I hear much more positivity from pet owners!

Actually it is much the same with pets. Puppies are a fucking nightmare but then they grow into these adorable and loving creatures so it makes it all worthwhile.....

Because they often grow up to be great friends when they become adults

I can think of far easier ways of making friends than having to reproduce!

@Leighhalfpennysthigh haha, that is actually true! Maybe it's why I like adopting adult pets instead. I also cant help but feel if I am going to have a child, I should adopt one already born rather then bring a new child into the world

If you're infertile that's probably the reason you don't have children

This has to be a fucking joke.

I'm super fertile thanks, which is why I'm extra careful because I just don't want kids.

I’ve never owned a pet but I’ve always thought that at least with kids you don’t have to pick their shit up for their entire lives

*DSDs mum, DPs ex, is now pregnant with number 3, all to different dads. She’s already up to her eyeballs in debt, has an Iva, minimum wage topped up with benefits.

Dad 1 - affair with married man, he ended it when she was pregnant and moved abroad. No maintenance and doesn’t see / acknowledge the boy.

Dad 2 - now my DP, 40/60 custody and pays maintenance for his child only. He wasn’t married when he met her.

Dad 3 - another married one who can’t acknowledge her or the child for religious reasons.

I have wondered if getting pregnant to married men (twice) is an attempt at trapping them and getting them to leave their wives (didn’t work the 1st time and hasn’t worked this time). Either that or she just had some kind of hole in her life that she’s trying to fill with children. I do wonder why she is having 3 children though, more than I wonder why some people don’t have children.*

But she has kids. She's a mum. So, that's ok. She won't get pitied and patronised like those who are childfree by choice.

It seems parents can just about accept situations like the above but reserve the worst of their hate for people who do not want children. Also, parents who abuse or murder their children, ok, it's shocking, but at least they had children. Not like those identified and grouped (whisper it), 'non parents.'

People who choose not to have children because parenting is a croc of shit. It's a thankless task and I'm just not interested. Do go on to lead good and useful lives within the wider community.

Ther

We moan about how terrible children are for three two reasons

(1) it's a socially-acceptable form of bonding

(2) we're trying to ensure that the only people who have children are the ones who Really Actively Want them

(3) we're trying not to sound smug about our child's achievements or is that just me

I always wanted children. I've always wanted a cat, too (didn't get that because husband didn't want one, and the children thing was more important). I've never had the slightest desire for a dog and am left totally cold by all the stuff about how great they are; though I can squee at certain YouTube clips and appreciate the personality of Labradors and the elegance of Alsatians.

I've always assumed that some people feel about children the way I feel about dogs.

(And have never been able to understand the "selfish" accusation: I had children for entirely selfish reasons and am quite happy for other people to do the thinking-of-the-planet stuff )

It seems parents can just about accept situations like the above but reserve the worst of their hate for people who do not want children. Also, parents who abuse or murder their children, ok, it's shocking, but at least they had children. Not like those identified and grouped (whisper it), 'non parents.'

How long did it take you to dream up that bollocks?

I'm late 30s, as far as I know I have no fertility issues but I have never wanted kids. There's really nothing about it that appeals to me. I sometimes wonder (to myself) why some people do do it, especially in the cases where it's someone having their second or third child with one of the multitude of utterly useless men that you read about on here.

I guess I'm fortunate in that I don't really get questioned about it much at all. I think everyone who knows me just knows that it's not for me. I've always travelled, moved around, lived abroad etc. I like my freedom, I like my career. I like being able to be selfish with my time and money and I really don't feel like there's anything missing from my life.

@gypsywater lots of women (and men) moan about their children because, as I said before, so many regret having them.

Loads of people I have met over the years have said they love their children but if they could go back in time they would not have any.

When it comes to dogs, even if they are a nightmare as a puppy (which many are not) it's only a few months maybe a year before they become loving and adorable creatures. Lots of children are a nightmare for much longer. I have friends with grown up children that are still a nightmare (talking children in their 30's and 40's)

No I never wonder this; loads of my friends don't want kids (30s) I do wonder what the appeal of having them is; I assume others must have done kind of biological urge that I don't have.

*some kind

I wonder a lot about people and their lives...why don't they have children? Why are they single? What did she see in him? Why did they move to that area? That's human nature. I don't generally ask unless they're very very close friends and it depends how you word it. If I met a person with no children and they were older, its not a massive stretch to imagine why? Infertility, timing, partners, just don't want to.

Parenting is hard. And unrelenting. And expensive.
Why would anyone put themselves through it if it wasn’t a firmly embraced positive choice?
I love my children but I can also see many advantages to a child free life. Good on those people with the self-knowledge to make their choices.

Saw this in the Guardian earlier and thought it might be an affirming read for some posters on here.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/nov/06/consciously-uncoupled-the-joy-of-self-partnership?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

The sentiment is good, but why must they invent a nonsensical name for it - 'self-partnership'?

I’ve just started a new thread, as I’m going off topic.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3736688-A-relationship-with-yourself?watched=1

I have never wanted them, and the way I see it we have plenty of humans on this earth it’s silly to have any if you don’t really yearn to have them. I feel very sorry for people who would dearly love them but cannot and especially those who get constantly badgered as to why they aren’t having them.
There is so much more to life than reproducing and to be honest I wouldn’t have the time for kids anyway, I have a full time job, a horse and run a livery yard. If I had kids in addition to that I’d be a walking zombie 😆

No. It’s none of my business. I know lots of people and relatives who didn’t have children, or stopped at one. Some of them have chosen to tell me why, most haven’t. If they want to talk about it, I’m here, but I certainly don’t presume that they do. It’s private and personal.

Oh and I moan about my kids because
a) it’s hard, relentless work at times and
b) I don’t want to go on about how happy I am with them and how much I love having them in my life in front of people who don’t have children, especially if I don’t know whether it was by choice or not. I try not to do either now tbh - neither reflects the reality well.