Do you ever wonder why people don't have children

[Moominfan]

I'll just get my hard hat ready. I never ever say or indicate this out-loud hence why I'm posting on a online Internet forum. But if I come across someone of a certain age, I wonder what the reasons are. I was adamant at one in my life I'd never have kids and I know someone people never change their minds. Not everyone wants children, never happened for them ect. List goes on. It just crosses my mind and wonder if anyone else ever shared this thought.

sugar Make memories together. LOL ok Hun 🤮🙄😂

Reasons I don't and won't have children:

I have really dodgy genes. It would be selfish to pass them on.
I don't have anyone to mate with, and no interest in finding anyone.
I can't even afford to support myself at the moment, let alone little ones.
The planet is already bursting at the seams.
I don't have the energy or stamina to provide 24/7 childcare.
I'm too selfish and enjoy my downtime too much to give it up.
Morally I couldn't square it with myself to have my own biological children when there are so many in need of fostering and adoption.
I'm too fearful of pregnancy (hypermesis and preeclampsia both run in my family) and birth (heard too many stories of life long damage caused by complicated labours) to want to risk it.
The fear of miscarrying, giving birth to a stillborn baby or having a disabled child.
The thought of having to share MY child with its father should our relationship (if we ever had one) fail - every other Christmas etc.
I don't want to be the reason why another person undergoes suffering and death.

That's about it, hope it helps anyone who was curious!

The use of the phrase making memories should get punishable by death.

Oh dear. You don’t come across well.

Massive understatement 😂

Curlyhairedassassin
*
Oh Dear. You don't come across well.*

Who am I supposed to be impressing?

Whettam

Your comment makes me feel sorry for you.

I do occasionally wonder why people don't have children but only in a very brief sort of way. I more often wonder about people who have a lot of children ( eg more than 4). I assume they either struggle to find any meaning in their lives except by having children or that they are particularly badly afflicted with the overwhelming hormonal fuelled need to have children that I have heard about ( never experienced myself) . In either case, I can't help feeling sorry for them

@FurrySlipperBoots
Great post, would love to know whether any of those on this thread with children considered any of these points prior, and how they squared them?

It's fine to wonder but very tactless to actually ask.

Yes, this. You're free to ponder anything about anybody's lives, but it needs to stay in your head.

FWIW, as a very happy parent of one who would maybe have liked another but is unlikely ever to do so now and very content with that knowledge, I find myself wondering why people with 5 or more children (if I'm honest, 3 or more, multiple births notwithstanding) wanted that many far more than I would ever wonder why somebody hasn't had any at all. I'm sure parents of lots of children wonder why people like me stop when they've 'only' had one or two. Some of them probably find it difficult to believe that you'd make so many changes to your life/home/career and sacrifices to make things compatible with parenthood and then not really have enough to make it all 'worthwhile'.

Mind you, some people have no filter and just speak without thinking a lot. Like the volume of folk who will see you cradling a newborn and all they can think of to ask you straight off is "Are you having another one?" !!

To be honest I wonder why women do have children other than social indoctrination. OK here's why I don't have children and don't want them:

• pregnancy uncomfortable and not fun for most people

• child birth during - painful and unpleasant.

• child birth consequences- high risk of fucking your body totally for life whether by tearing, episiotomy, caesarian section, scarring, burst scars, post partem incontinence and on and on. post partum bleeding.

• breast feeding - as a friend said, you don't know humiliation until you have milked yourself.

• very young babies - no one in the right mind would find it interesting dealing with a shitting, eating, crying machine. 24 hour maternity nurse care is expensive.

• babies generally - independent entirely compromised. can't even just pop out to get some milk without taking the baby with you.

• toddlers - irritating terrors especially screaming in shops. Occassional cuteness can be obtained by other children you are close to.

• adolesence - stroppy sulky brats with acne that hate you until they grow out of it.

• older teenagers - more aggressive financial leeches that probably expect their university tuition fees to be paid.

• damage to relationship with partner - most people I know rarely maintained the same relationship with their partner after child birth. I know so many men who cheated on a pregnant partner and during early years. Even those men who are 'happily' married years later to the same woman have often had a 'secret' affair the wife is oblivious too.

• lost of personal independence- you can't just do what you want, go where you want, take off to Hawaii when you feel like it once you have children.

• ridiculous labour and time demands - ferrying children to school, after school parties, clubs; laundry, cooking, cleaning. It's a lot of work.

• loss of standard of living - children are HUGELY expensive. The more you have the more they cost. No children means a much bigger disposable income and a more comfortable life

• career damage - this isn't a specific reason I didn't have children myself but is a valid reason. I have a very high flying career which gives me a huge amount of personal satisfaction, social status, very healthy income and has opened up huge opportunities for me. I know I would never have got to this level if I'd had children because of time commitment, enthusiasm and ability to prioritise myself and my work. My work and opportunities gives me so much joy and pride that I would never have had if I had children.

• most benefits of children can be obtained else where - if you have close relationships with young children as nieces nephews friends children, god children you get the cuteness, affection, love and child experience without all of the down side and you can hand them back.

• no guarantee of good adult outcome - Plenty of people who had children thinking they would look after them in their old age are bitterly disappointed when children move abroad, are ostracised from their family or fall out with parents, turn out 'bad' with drugs problems or crime. Basically you can invest a huge amount of time and your life raising children for no benefit at all for you in the long run so proceeding on a basis of guaranteed love for life is a mistake.

-plenty of women regret having children but don't admit it -sometimes you get threads here where it is confessed as a dark secret. Young women should hear this to stop them being sold a pup without thought.

All in all a life without children if you are financially wealthy and independent is a completely joyful one. It amazes me that so many women do have children to be honest. Often with men whose DNA would really be better not being spread further around the gene pool.

x-posted with @bumblingbovine49

I only wonder why women consciously choose to have them. Do they not know the dangers of the whole saga? (heck, did they never see a video on childbirth!?). Risking your health and mental health for a non existent being...I don't get it xD

Who am I supposed to be impressing?

Your kids, evidently.

The use of the phrase making memories should get punishable by death.

The witnessing of which, ironically, would indeed be seared on your children's memories forevermore

No I don’t, it’s presumably either because they didn’t want them or couldn’t have them, be the latter through health/fertility issues or not meeting a partner in time to do so.

makes me believe they have issues they should probably deal with

Ironic as your username sugarandspice

Peoples relationship,career,child status are nobody’s business.

Oh and I should add to my list - it makes you incredibly stressed, vulnerable and anxious with worry for your children. I read here someone one said that once you have children you are a hairs breadth from grief every day.

I've just witnessed a close friend see her adult daughter aged 30 die of cancer. I wouldn't be able to cope with that stress and vulnerablity and trauma.

They wouldn't improve my life and I certainly wouldn't improve theirs.

Pregnancy or childbirth would almost certainly kill me.

Even if it didn't, we'd be producing children with a high risk of genetic heart problems, connective tissue disorder and probably ASD as well.

I had a miscarriage in my early 20s and whilst I was gutted at the time, it's almost certainly a good thing, none of my health conditions were dx at that point and if pregnancy hadn't killed me, birth would have.

So yeah i think its human nature to wonder about other peoples lives, but asking is rude unless you know the person very well (And if you do, theyve probably told you why already, or it should be bloody obvious).

I dont have children and I’m old so dont give it much thought. It’s the norm for my friends and family.

We’ve all been career minded and focussed on building businesses, travel, family, friendships, spiritual growth and learning/education.

I thought I might when I was younger but the boyfriends I had werent suitable husband/father material. I also like lots of personal time and isolation and Ive never been broody.

I think it takes all sorts.

Curly haired

Job done, next.

Whoops75

Errr, as I said - I never ask lol

Oh, and my username is ironic.

when someone does tell me they just don't want them (I never ask) I always judge them and honestly do think they are really missing out and that there really isn't any meaning in their lives.

Wtaf?

I do have kids, not sure how much more meaningful my life is just because of that?!

57

*Wtaf?

I do have kids, not sure how much more meaningful my life is just because of that?!*

Maybe that's because you are one of the ones the child free on this post are referring to - the ones who have children just because of societal norms?

Do you also wonder why people have children?

Do you ever wonder why having children is seen as some sort of norm?

Do you think that people might have children for selfish reasons?

Do you ever think what people choose to do or not do, or do or don’t do not through choice, is none of your business?

But having said that, when someone does tell me they just don't want them (I never ask) I always judge them and honestly do think they are really missing out and that there really isn't any meaning in their lives.
They always come across as quite bitter in their stance, especially the ones who say they don't like children or use the word 'breed', which makes me believe they have issues they should probably deal with.

Oh here we fucking go. This always happens on these threads. Some parent comes on to tell us how sad we are. I don’t like children. They bore and irritate me. However, I’m not bitter. Bitter about what? How can I be missing out on something that I don’t actually want? I have a perfectly lovely life so please don’t concern yourself about my choices.

I made a conscious decision from a very early age that I didn’t want children and that doesn’t mean I have ‘issues’. I have plenty of meaning to my life and tbh I feel sorry for you in that you have such a very narrow and unimaginative mind that you can’t understand that not everyone wants what you have.

Yes, I do wonder. In the same way I wonder lots of things about people's private lives. I wouldn't ask.

I know there are lots of knobs about, but I wish we all didn't have to tiptoe around what is and isn't an inappropriate question, a simple 'do you have children?' isn't a judgement or an excuse to delve into someone's fertility issues, often it's a question asked out of politeness. It's fine to say no. It's fine to elaborate.

I have a childless friend. I've known her since we were both in our early 20s. Now 40. I asked her a few times if she was keen for kids, would she consider having them alone (she's single), none of it was a judgement, or a prescription of what I thought she should do. It was a conversation. Of course you could say it's none of my business, but neither is if she enjoyed her holiday or whether she is applying for a job.

My cousin's only child died young. I will never forget being out with her and my then 1 year old (whom she adores). A shop keeper asked if she had children and she replied no. It was factually true, but she spent 5 years caring for a very sick child and was too old to have any more by the time her baby died. That simple yes-no question wiped away the fact that she is a mother and it cut me to the bone to see her cope with it.