To think I've wasted my best years?

[RavenClaw180]

Long story so I'll condense as much as possible - met dp aged 20, dropped out of uni in my last year due to DC1 being born. Had 2 more children. Was a sahm for 10 years while supporting dp through his study and career advancements. This required moving several times, dealing with his mood swings and stress related to his work and study. It was never feasible for me to work due to childcare costing more than my wage. Dp always swore that once his study was finished we would move into a proper home , get married and finally be able to do all the things we said we would do. Our last move was 2 years ago, to a city I dislike, that I can't wait to leave. He said it was a 1 year contract and then we would be sorted. He's just announced that he will be finished his study in april. And he has no intention of moving ever again. Or doing any of the other things I thought were part of our dreams.

AIBU to think I've wasted 14 years of my life? I have no qualifications (his study always took priority), limited work experience, and I'm completely at his mercy. I can't even leave him and move away from this shit city because of the children.

Or am I just being precious and I need to shut up and appreciate that he's worked hard?

There is no reason why you should not arrange further education for yourself, or a change of career. I know this is hard without the support of your partner, but you have to take the initiative here. It is YOUR life and you have to be the mover here.

I know it is hard after years of being a SAHM, and in the absence of the support you would like from your partner, but just talking with him about it is getting you nowhere. Maybe organise an online qualification from the OU - just TELL him what you have decided; do not ask him what he thinks - he does not ask you what you think!

You have supported him through his qualifications!

If he had any intention of marrying you, he'd have done the decent thing when you were expecting the first child. But would you even want to marry him now?
You can't change him. You can get out there and get a degree and a job that will you give you independence. No need to wait until you're 40 (although nobody is 'too worn down' at 40 at achieve more!).
Your children are in teens - your partner takes you for granted - so cut back on services provided and tell him that your full-time job from now on is finishing your education. By 2023/4 you'll have graduated.

I think you know he's not going to change. If one of your DC were grown up and in a relationship and situation like yours, what would you advise them to do?