To cancel my wedding and elope

[Worrywart21]

In May next year. I don’t want it. We’d lose about £5000. Would it be unreasonable to just go somewhere and get married?

YANBU. You might ‘lose’ £5000, but how much extra would you not be spending? Think of it that way instead.

Details needed here...

Reasons being is we have two small children. Total cost will be about £24,000. I don’t want the big day. I don’t want to be the centre of attention. I don’t want to plan it and I genuinely don’t want it.

Wibu? Invites haven’t been sent yet. All our money spent. Stag and hen dos have been booked for a couple of weeks before the big day.

It gives me anxiety to highest levels. We are saving lots every month to pay for it. I can’t sleep sometimes when I’ve been thinking about it.

£24,000 😱

That all sounds very compelling. Why wouldn't you go for smaller wedding?

How did it get this far? Can’t you rein in what you’re doing rather than cancel it completely?

Is there a middle ground - Eg 12 people in a registry office and a meal? It doesn't have to be all or nothing - just do what you'd both prefer!

The venue has minimum numbers. It’s really not an extravagant wedding.

Venue is £10,000
Photographer £800
Cake £300
Band £1500
Flowers £600
Dress £2000
Groom wear & grooms men £600
Bridesmaid dresses £1100
Invites £350
Rings £1000
Shoes £50
Hair £250
Make up £360
Cars £700
Favours £300
Licence £70
Officiant £500
Videographer £800
Flower girls £300
Piper £200

There is 5 bridesmaids as they are all siblings so can’t have 1 without the other.

We could do the meal and 12 people but we have large families so minimum is 25 people including parents and siblings.

We did! Went from an elaborate booking here to us and 2 friends in Vegas. We transferred our venue deposit to an evening reception for when we came home. In all spent £7k.

Cancel and elope!

Looking back I wish DH and DC and me had just gone abroad and grabbed some randoms on a beach to witness.

It’s really not an extravagant wedding
[goes on to list hugely expensive and extravagant things.]

Run away! Save yourself £19,000!

Bloody hell do it! We spent £10k on our wedding and I regret spending that much. There’s a lot you could cut back on though in your list above to save money

It’s your wedding to spend an additional 19 grand on something you don’t want is crazy

Why would you pay more for something you want less? And actually don't want at all??

Do it!!

You could still have a low key celebration with family.

You can scale that right back. £360 on make up!! My bridesmaids dresses were £35 each. My dress was in a sample sale so I got a designer dress for £700. I did my own invites, designed using canva and printed with printed.com. Total cost £84 as most evening guests have received an e-invite to save on costs. Ditch the favours, no one misses them. Your hair cost seems extortionate as well.

Realistically, how much will the elopement cost?

OMG cancel.

You could treat everyone to the most sumptuous party instead and STILL be £15k better off.

We had just us and literally no fuss. Never regretted it for a moment.

Do it.

Tbf you can get a £500 dress, have a dj not a band and not have a videographer or piper and already knock a few k off

@FourEyesGood

Well yes it is expensive and extravagant but really it is honestly a basic wedding. Everything we have chosen from cakes, invites, cars are quite basic. We could have chosen a better version in all areas.

The dress is my dream dress and I didn’t compromise on that but it also includes veil and head piece and alterations.

I know people who spend £500 on wedding shoes.

How is that not extravagant?

Favours. Piper. Well thats saved you £500 straightaway.

It’s not only about the money. Honestly I absolutely hate being the centre of attention. I really don’t want it.

What have you paid the £5000 for?