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Original poster

Should I escalate a staff member grabbing my son and calling him a liar?

192 replies

RHSDrama · 29/10/2019 17:44

I was in a RHS garden today, in the restaurant at lunch with DS (7) and DD (3). It was packed. We were by the sandwiches and DS had chosen. I was bending down helping DD when I noticed a bit of a kerfuffle next to me and heard a MOS staff say DS “come with me”. I stood up and he had grabbed my sons arm and was leading him away, DS had gone a bit frozen and looked upset.

I followed obvs and they stopped a few feet away the guy pointed at a piece of Blu Tac and said “what’s that?” DS said “I don’t know, I’m sorry” and the guy said “don’t LIE you LIAR, throw your rubbish in the bin!” At which point I said something like “DO NOT speak to my son like that” and the guy sort of half ran away without meeting my eye.

DS, who is lovely and well behaved little boy was quite upset and a bit tearful, so I reassured him and got in the queue to pay. The MOS passed again and I stopped him and said “grabbing my son is completely unacceptable etc etc” and he said “don’t worry, it’s OK” then hustled off again.

Queuing up I was getting more and more aggy about it, especially the bit where he grabbed my sons arm to take him away from me... this very obviously a small child standing next to his mother??

So I spoke to the manager, she was apologetic and I saw her speaking to him. Five minutes later he was back out by the tables.

ANYWAY so sorry this is so long but I’m now wondering whether to email the garden to follow up? Or accept the that I’ve informed the manager and leave it there?

P.S the blu tac wasn’t my sons, the manager confirmed it was there to hold up a sign which had fallen off.

OP posts:
araiwa · 29/10/2019 17:46

id forget about it

it was dealt with at the time

what more could an email do?

Original poster
RHSDrama · 29/10/2019 17:49

Not sure... I suppose actually safeguarding wise it could be quite serious if a MOS is grabbing children and leading them away from their parents. But perhaps not. Also it was just a bit weird.

OP posts:
turnthebiglightoff · 29/10/2019 17:51

I'd of course escalate. Completely unacceptable. I say this is someone who is very much "it's in the past".

jollygoose · 29/10/2019 17:51

Well I would be outraged and would certainly want to take further action. How dare he manhandle your son an apology is not enough. Hopefully somebody more clued up than myself could suggest further action.

Geschwister4 · 29/10/2019 17:52

How does your son feel? If he has calmed down and is not really thinking about it anymore then I would let it go. If you send an email it will probably make you more tense and he will be able to sense that. For his sake I would just leave it .

Smelborp · 29/10/2019 17:53

I would absolutely take that further. It’s massively unacceptable.

SnugStars · 29/10/2019 17:53

I probably would email, it might help you feel less angry. I would be absolutely furious if a stranger led my 7 year old away from me, especially for no reason!

StreetwiseHercules · 29/10/2019 17:56

He’d possibly have have been paying a visit to the dentist if he did that to my son.

It does sound though that maybe he was having a very, very bad day, and made an error of judgement.

As long as your son isn’t too shaken by it I’d probably let it go now.

CherryPavlova · 29/10/2019 17:56

Some chaps dragging your child away and you follow rather than stopping him there and then? Seems a long while before you intervened.

Wattagoose90 · 29/10/2019 17:59

I'd be livid!

Just like a child, he needs to learn there are consequences for his actions and it sounds like you/your son have had no apology. A brief talking to by the manager won't stop him doing it again. Your poor son must be really upset.

I'd take it further.

Catsick36 · 29/10/2019 17:59

An apology is certainly not good enough for grabbing your son, calling him a liar!! I'd have the police involved

Shoutymomma · 29/10/2019 18:00

I would email. Outline what happened, ask that the issue be recorded and suggest they review their training/policies.

Topseyt · 29/10/2019 18:01

Massively unacceptable behaviour from the staff member. Yes, I would escalate it.

It was a verbal assault on your child, who had done nothing wrong. The manager even said that the blu tac was from a notice that had been up.

The staff member needs suitably warned and disciplined for that.

SilverSparkle · 29/10/2019 18:05

I’d be fuming! How dare he grab your son and lead him away from you! Not acceptable whatsoever. He didn’t even have the decency to come and apologise once his manager must have pointed out that the blu tac was already there. I’d be complaining.

meyouandlulutoo · 29/10/2019 18:05

I would definitely take this further, I agree with you that it is a safeguarding issue. I hope your son is ok, an absolutely shocking experience. The manager should have dealt with this more appropriately especially as she acknowledged that your son had done nothing wrong. It makes me feel really angry they are employing someone who thinks it is ok to drag a child away from his parent.

JasonPollack · 29/10/2019 18:06

What the fuck? I would go apeshit. Letter to the owner, local paper etc. No way would anyone be bullying and putting hands on my child.

CAG12 · 29/10/2019 18:06

But who are you going to email?

If I was the manager id reply to you saying that this incident was resolved at the time. What outcome do you want? If you just want him to be told off again then you're being a bit unreasonable as that already been done.

WhatTiggersDoBest · 29/10/2019 18:07

I would email because you don't know what would have happened if you hadn't intervened. He's in a customer facing role and if he spoke to an adult and manhandled them like that he'd be instantly dismissed this is gross misconduct. He absolutely should not be touching children or speaking to them that way, and he should have got his facts right too.

CAG12 · 29/10/2019 18:08

Urgh posted too soon

I was going to say that if you are going to email you need to be clear in saying what you want to happen. In the eyes of the employer this incident was dealt with at the time

Original poster
RHSDrama · 29/10/2019 18:09

The manager was of the small cafe which is within the wider massive RHS garden. Let’s say it’s similar in size and scope to Kew Gardens. So i would email the manager/senior team of the whole place.

OP posts:
Topseyt · 29/10/2019 18:09

You are right that a member of staff grabbing a child and leading him away from his parent could be a serious matter. That is why you should not let it go.

If staff in the café have a problem with the behaviour of any of the children present then surely the best way to deal with it is to speak to the parent, not to drag the child away from them and call him a liar. Totally unacceptable.

Ironfloor269 · 29/10/2019 18:10

I'd definitely escalate.

Scrumptiousbears · 29/10/2019 18:12

You need to ask yourself what outcome are you looking for?

You spoke to a manager who apologised and you saw them speak with the MOS.

What else do you want to happen?

Siameasy · 29/10/2019 18:12

I would want to know that the behaviour had been properly addressed. I think I would’ve preferred to tear a strip off the guy myself to see if it had sunk in but it’s probably too late now to go back and do that without looking unhinged. So send a scathing email.

I would not call the police, please don’t waste their time and don’t “log it with 101” either.

5LeafClover · 29/10/2019 18:15

Yes. I would email. Physically leading a child away. Calling him a liar. Not ok.