Should I escalate a staff member grabbing my son and calling him a liar?

[RHSDrama]

I was in a RHS garden today, in the restaurant at lunch with DS (7) and DD (3). It was packed. We were by the sandwiches and DS had chosen. I was bending down helping DD when I noticed a bit of a kerfuffle next to me and heard a MOS staff say DS “come with me”. I stood up and he had grabbed my sons arm and was leading him away, DS had gone a bit frozen and looked upset.

I followed obvs and they stopped a few feet away the guy pointed at a piece of Blu Tac and said “what’s that?” DS said “I don’t know, I’m sorry” and the guy said “don’t LIE you LIAR, throw your rubbish in the bin!” At which point I said something like “DO NOT speak to my son like that” and the guy sort of half ran away without meeting my eye.

DS, who is lovely and well behaved little boy was quite upset and a bit tearful, so I reassured him and got in the queue to pay. The MOS passed again and I stopped him and said “grabbing my son is completely unacceptable etc etc” and he said “don’t worry, it’s OK” then hustled off again.

Queuing up I was getting more and more aggy about it, especially the bit where he grabbed my sons arm to take him away from me... this very obviously a small child standing next to his mother??

So I spoke to the manager, she was apologetic and I saw her speaking to him. Five minutes later he was back out by the tables.

ANYWAY so sorry this is so long but I’m now wondering whether to email the garden to follow up? Or accept the that I’ve informed the manager and leave it there?

P.S the blu tac wasn’t my sons, the manager confirmed it was there to hold up a sign which had fallen off.

I'd take it further.
You simply cannot grab members of the public especially children dragging them away from their parent and call them liars.

I probably would email, it might help you feel less angry. I would be absolutely furious if a stranger led my 7 year old away from me, especially for no reason!

I totally agree with this. How dare he try to take a child away - this is appalling behaviour. It doesn't matter whether your son had done anything or not - he is a CHILD and you don't take a child away.

I would get in touch and TBH I'd go off one one!

I'm very confused. Why did you not intervene as soon as this person took hold of your DS? Was your DS standing by your side the whole time or could it be that he'd actually taken the blu tac off the poster (which is what happens in my school every damn time I put a display up) then dropped it as soon as he realised that he'd been seen?
Hopefully there will be cctv of the premises that will show what happened for everyone's sake.

I would have gone berserk (and am very quiet, usually ). Also, which garden? I want to avoid it.

I’d absolutely complain by email but I’m a bit baffled as to why you followed them to see what happened rather than intervene and tell the staff member to let go of your child?

Wow! I too would want to email, asking for reassurances that it is not their policy to accept such treatment of customers, and that the member of staff will receive appropriate training. I would be stating that I would not be happy bringing my children/friends/relatives to their cafe again, unless they were able to reassure us that this was the case. As it is, I can imagine that your son will be less than keen to go there again - unless they do the sensible thing and offer you full apologies and at least a free cream tea/ice creams etc as a gesture of good will.

Yes escalate. What if the child grabbed had additional needs, or the mum wasnt close enough to intervene immediately like you were? Not on

I was bending down with DD, by the time I realised they weren’t close enough to grab and I took a few steps to where they were by which time he was saying my son was a liar.

The blu tac was on a ledge next to the end of the sandwiches.

The whole thing took a few seconds

So you just watched and followed long enough for the entire conversation before saying something?

Really? Someone grabs your son and leads him off and you just follow? With your dd or did you leave her place holding?

I would email head office - not to get retribution or further punishment for the member of staff but to point out the way it was dealt with and the fact it happened in the first place. Are they giving enough training in complaints? Safeguarding? Dealing with staff in general - the guy sounds unhinged maybe he has personal problems, maybe he’s was ill who knows, the point is it’s not your problem and your son is OK. It’s their problem and as a business owner I would want to know!

The man should have come over to you and your son and apologised and the manager should have ensured he did.

Ps. Was it Wisley? That cafe is manic and I think the staff can’t cope with the change in tempo from sedate garden visitors to half term insanity. Not your problem. But I’ve seen it there before and you should definitely complain.

I would definately complain,thats awful behaviour for a MOS.

I bet he wouldnt speak to a 6ft adult male like that.Sounds to me someone else pissed him off and your son was an easy target.

That's the part I don't understand. If someone grabs my child, even if my hands are full with another one I'm gonna shout "let go of my child" loudly. I'm not just gonna watch and then follow. Someone accidently took my son's hand instead of their own kids because they were looking and it was like my lizard brain took over and I shouted "hey!" Before I even knew I was going to speak.

I’m not going to respond to any more posts blaming me. I reacted as quickly as I could.

I wasn’t blaming you, I was expressing surprise at your reaction to a complete stranger taking your child away from you.

I would spend at least the next few weeks wishing I’d punched him in the face. What a total bastard. I’m livid for you OP

I would escalate. There wasn’t any apology. I’d be asking for an apology for your son and to know what they’re going to do to prevent this happening again. How poorly handled by them! And how rude that he said “don’t worry, it’s ok” instead of apologising to the poor child he’s just wrongly accused and physically lead away from his mother!

*So you just watched and followed long enough for the entire conversation before saying something?

Really? Someone grabs your son and leads him off and you just follow? With your dd or did you leave her place holding?*

Op has come on relaying a series of events and somehow you think it's your duty to insinuate she's either lying or a type of parent who would leave her small daughter "place holding". I really think some posters on here just try to cause trouble.

@RHSDrama I don't blame you for ignoring them! I would email regarding this, yes it may have been semi resolved at the time, but on reflection is more serious than a 10 second, don't do that.

@FlibbertyGiblets a 7 year vandalising??? So that's how you feel it appropriate to discipline a 7 year old you don't know and who OP clearly stated had done nothing wrong. Why such an inflammatory comment?

Yep I would definitely email. Bizarre behaviour, especially towards a young child, and there with his mum! I imagine blu tac would fairly obviously probably not belong to a visitor, and anyway he should've taken it up with you, rather than your son.

I would escalate. Email, and then email head office, and blow it up on social media as well. I'd want that guy feeling like an utter twat and everyone to know.

I'd also be having a conversation with DS about what is acceptable (not this) and what he can do (scream, drop to the ground) if someone tries to drag him away from his family. Teachable moment.

I had words when a worker at a local pool thought it was acceptable to touch DD's top (it was a rash vest, he thought it was a t-shirt) without permission. You never touch children without permission. The staff member needs that reiterated.

Really? Someone grabs your son and leads him off and you just follow?

I'm sure OP don't follow at a leisurely pace - she'll have gone after them. That is also "following". She said that the whole exchange took seconds.

I’d definitely escalate. I can’t believe he was out waiting tables 5 mins later.