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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Should I escalate a staff member grabbing my son and calling him a liar?

192 replies

RHSDrama · 29/10/2019 17:44

I was in a RHS garden today, in the restaurant at lunch with DS (7) and DD (3). It was packed. We were by the sandwiches and DS had chosen. I was bending down helping DD when I noticed a bit of a kerfuffle next to me and heard a MOS staff say DS “come with me”. I stood up and he had grabbed my sons arm and was leading him away, DS had gone a bit frozen and looked upset.

I followed obvs and they stopped a few feet away the guy pointed at a piece of Blu Tac and said “what’s that?” DS said “I don’t know, I’m sorry” and the guy said “don’t LIE you LIAR, throw your rubbish in the bin!” At which point I said something like “DO NOT speak to my son like that” and the guy sort of half ran away without meeting my eye.

DS, who is lovely and well behaved little boy was quite upset and a bit tearful, so I reassured him and got in the queue to pay. The MOS passed again and I stopped him and said “grabbing my son is completely unacceptable etc etc” and he said “don’t worry, it’s OK” then hustled off again.

Queuing up I was getting more and more aggy about it, especially the bit where he grabbed my sons arm to take him away from me... this very obviously a small child standing next to his mother??

So I spoke to the manager, she was apologetic and I saw her speaking to him. Five minutes later he was back out by the tables.

ANYWAY so sorry this is so long but I’m now wondering whether to email the garden to follow up? Or accept the that I’ve informed the manager and leave it there?

P.S the blu tac wasn’t my sons, the manager confirmed it was there to hold up a sign which had fallen off.

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 29/10/2019 22:43

Supersimkin2

Not all of them, just the one that was involved Hmm

Supersimkin2 · 29/10/2019 22:46

And which one of this small group was that?

LoveNote · 29/10/2019 22:46

not sure why people expect the staff member to be removed from working either. they are a business and paying him, so of course, back to work he goes

and he won't be explaining himself either....its gone, dealt with in the moment, if a complaint is made its not normal for that person to be involved in it! thats what management is for

NameChange84 · 29/10/2019 22:47

Might these 20 men feel threatened, menaced or at risk?

I dunno (and how do YOU know there are only 20 men that work for RHS cafe's anyway?!) but I'd say threatened, menaced and at risk was probably how an innocent seven year old boy who was dragged away from his mother and reprimanded by a grown up male stranger.

If you are going to grab a child and shout at them, then you deserve to feel at least a little worried about the future of your job for a start.

Because grabbing a child a taking them away from their mother in order to discipline them and accuse them of being a liar is not a normal or acceptable thing to do.

Why are you more bothered about the feelings of a grown man who can't control his temper or keep his hands to himself than a little child who had done absolutely nothing wrong?

OctoberLovers · 29/10/2019 22:49

If an adult had put his hands on my 7 year old, i would of put my hands on him

TricklBOO · 29/10/2019 22:54

I wonder how every one of these 20 men is feeling about being accused of assault, child abduction, and terrorising a child. In public. On SM

Well if they don't drag small children away from their parent, shouting at them and calling them a liar then they're not being accused of anything are they?

NAMALT again?

Drogosnextwife · 29/10/2019 22:57

And which one of this small group was that?

Does it matter? Clearly even the one that did this has absolutely nothing to worry about, because his behaviour should just be forgotten.

BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 02:42

LoveNote I manage a shop. In a gallery which is also a tourist attraction. If someone came to me and accused a staff member of assaulting their child OF COURSE I would immediately remove that staff member from the shop floor. At least until I had investigated.

BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 02:46

I wonder how every one of these 20 men is feeling about being accused of assault, child abduction, and terrorising a child. In public. On SM.

Hmm OP hasn't accused 20 men though. She's spoken of ONE man. The other 19 will know they didn't do it. Why would they think they had been accused?

BillHadersNewWife · 30/10/2019 02:47

Fishes the reason the police should be involved is to let this man know that his behaviour is not acceptable and that he has broken the law.

IF he gets away with it once, he'll do it again. Not acceptable.

Marnie76 · 30/10/2019 03:07

@Parsimon did you not even read the first post? Her DS did nothing wrong.

Honeybee85 · 30/10/2019 03:11

OP, you did well by not making a scene there and then. It would have frightened your DS probably even more. But hell no that I would let this go. Definetly escalate it. If staff member had done this to an adult, surely there would have been a great chance that he would have to schedule a dentist visit after the incident. And rightly so, you keep your hands to yourself and do NOT call someone a liar like that. Just because it’s a defenseless little boy doesn’t mean it’s ok to do this any more then doing this to a big strong adult man.

I would also use this as an opportunity to educate your son about safeguarding. My mum taught me as a child that if any strange adult put his hands on me, I should shout on the top of my lungs: “Don’t touch me”! or “Let go of me NOW”!

LoveNote · 30/10/2019 07:43

I would love to hear the other sides version of events

The staff member was spoken to. The manager deemed them fit to carry on with work....

spanglydangly · 30/10/2019 07:58

The staff member was spoken to. The manager deemed them fit to carry on with work....

Probably because they were super busy and she didn't want more strain on other staff members and customers complaining. Doesn't make it right though.

LoveNote · 30/10/2019 09:21

Maybe. But we will never know

spanglydangly · 30/10/2019 09:56

Maybe. But we will never know

We might if OP gets feedback from a formal complaint.

NWQM · 30/10/2019 10:16

@spanglydangly isn't all that we know is that the OP saw the manager speaking to the staff member? She has no assurance about what was said. If my manager had have reprimanded me about a safeguard incident I would have needed a break. He carried on. Not sure Id be satisfied that it had been taken appropriately seriously

MNHQ
MichaelMumsnet · 30/10/2019 17:01

Hi all.
A spokesperson from the RHS has been in touch and asked us to post the following here on the thread:
[quote]
Dear @RHSDrama,

Your post has been brought to our attention and we are very sorry to hear about your experience. We have been informed that you spoke with a Supervisor on the day and this was then escalated to the Catering Management immediately.

We wanted to reassure you that this matter was taken seriously and the Catering Management has conducted an investigation based on your comments. The Catering Management would like to state that the actions by the member of staff that you have described are not compliant with our policy, and under no circumstances would we sanction our staff to either reprimand a child directly or to physically touch or restrain a child.

The Catering Management has spoken to the member of staff involved in this incident, who was from a temporary staffing agency, and that person will not work at RHS Garden Wisley again.

If you would be happy to discuss this matter further, please could you supply your contact details to [email protected] and we will ask a member of the team to contact you as soon as possible.

Once again, we would like to extend our sincere apologies for your experience.

Kind regards,

RHS Garden Wisley
[/quote]

Alpacathebag · 30/10/2019 17:07

Wow, @michaelmumsnet I can’t believe an RHS spokesperson did that. That’s above and beyond!

Topseyt · 30/10/2019 17:08

That sounds like a fair response from RHS.

Lulualla · 30/10/2019 17:16

It's not above and beyond at all. If a customer posts something on a public forum, and the company in question find out, it really is the bare minimum of their job to issue a response.

Glad they've taken it on board and have removed that staff member from their premises. They really can't leave someone working there after he's grabbed a child.

Loveislandaddict · 30/10/2019 17:43

Good response. They’ve considered your points and taken action.

Original poster
RHSDrama · 30/10/2019 17:45

Wow thanks for posting that Michael. I have actually left the garden catering team a voice message and emailed them today but haven’t had a response. However I will contact the email given above.

OP posts:
EleanorReally · 30/10/2019 18:20

Excellent

CuriousaboutSamphire · 30/10/2019 18:26

@MichaelMumsnet Could you tell that person that they have done the RHS Wisley a HUGELY positive service.

That message clarifies everythng OP might have wanted to know. No if, buts or sidestepping. Just enough information to reassure, placate and please.

Really well done!

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